• spilling my guts

    My five things

    shaking her "bom bom"

    I have been tagged. Normally I duck from these types of things but it is a noble quest involving 80 clicks around the world, and the person who tagged me asked me politely first. It’s so nice to be asked first.

    I’ve got a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. I’m hoping it jump-starts my brain into writing something brilliant and fresh. The topic is nothing new but I want to answer it as honestly and openly as I can.

    The question is: What five things do you love about being a mom?

    At first I feel a bit scared to answer a question like that. Aren’t you sick of hearing about how great motherhood is? Hasn’t everyone already heard enough? What do I have to say that could possibly be new and interesting?

    I actually don’t think I’m that great of a mom. I know. You are all going to moan and groan about all the fun and creative things I do with Bug and I know you are right. But personally I think I’m a really great aunt. I love doing fun things with kids but then I like it when those kids go away and I have peace and quiet to think up my next really fun thing.

    Being a mom is not as fun as being an aunt. It’s a lot of work. It’s a huge challenge for me to think of all the fun things but then keep my cool during the lag times between fun things. So many times Bug and I sit on the couch and I just stare into space while I pile heaps of guilt on myself for not at least thinking up a story to tell her. But I can’t be “on” all the time. Sometimes I’m not creative. Sometimes I’m tired and lazy. And sometimes I need to give her a chance to be bored so she can grow up to be as creative as I am. I was bored a LOT as a kid.

    But that’s not answering the question. I’m sorry.

    1. I love the companionship. Sometimes when we’re walking down the alley to the library and she’s skipping along holding my hand and NOT lagging behind, I find her little voice so captivating. She chatters on about this and that and I’m completely happy that I can go anywhere with her and never mind who is watching me.

    I remember in the olden days when I was an insecure singleton, I used to frequent coffee shops a lot and write novellas into my journal about how lonely I was. I would wish and pray that someone, anyone, would just sit down across from me and strike up a conversation. I used to pretend to be interested in writing or reading or sketching but really I just wanted someone to talk to. Now I have someone to talk to all the time. And sometimes I even wish she would stop talking.

    2. I love being the one who gets to comfort her. I love it that I usually understand what is wrong. Her brain is wired like my brain and I usually have a better idea than anyone else what will make her happy again. Sometimes that makes me feel like a superhero.

    3. I love dressing her. Kids’ clothes are cute and she can get away with combinations that I can’t. I know this is a fleeting pleasure but I’m savoring it as long as she’ll let me.

    4. I love the challenge of motherhood. It’s always changing and it always feels overwhelming yet I never give up. Well, sometimes I think I give up and I cry and scream into pillows, but I don’t really give up. I just take a breather and have another go at it. I’ve never had this many chances to do a good job before.

    5. I love that I have a mom’s body. I love that that excuses me from competing with all the teenagers at the beach. I know I’ll never be like those Hollywood moms who can bounce quarters off their stomachs but I don’t really care. I know someday I’ll get back into shape. But for now I can blend in with all the other moms and nobody really cares because they are too busy looking at my cute kid.

    Well…that’s not the best list but that’s the best I can come up with right now.

    off to church

    Now it’s your turn.

    I tag:

    Spritzer Leyba
    Queen of Rambles
    Jen’s Space

    (I’m sorry I didn’t ask you guys politely by email first. I won’t hold it against you if you pass.)

    If you’re not tagged, feel free to tag yourself.

    p.s. She dressed herself in these photos. It was 70 degrees in the shade and for some reason she wanted to wear a hat and mittens.

  • Bug,  I forgot to tell you this earlier

    Happy Monday


    I forgot to say earlier that while we were waiting for our very expensive crappy photo with the Easter Bunny, Bug got a mylar balloon bigger than her. It’s a giant blue bunny with a really cute face. I need to take a photo of it but it’s probably too late now. It’s resting half-deflated in a very un-photogenic corner of her room and I’m afraid to bring it out because then it will become an Event. We don’t have time for events when we are late for school. Just use your imagination.

    One of the volunteers breaking down the tents gave it to her and then later got scolded for it because apparently the balloons were not to be given out to guests. Thankfully the scolder didn’t take it away from Bug. That would have been tragic. So that’s that. The silly flashlight Easter egg hunt was not really as horrible as I made it sound.

    the evil smurf

    Also, my kid is an EVIL Smurf. Happy Monday!

Secret Agent Josephine
Creative Agency
© Brenda Ponnay