Slow News Day

a Starbucks post

splooshing coffee

Since I don’t have much to report today, I’m thinking it’s about time I wrote a Starbucks post. I go there a lot and if I thought about it, I bet I could think up a bunch of anecdotes. You probably could too.

I sometimes have my clients pay me on my Starbucks card instead of with real money. This is really cool because $100 worth of lattes lasts a lot longer than $100 worth of groceries. It lasts for months, in fact!

I’ve noticed lately that our Starbucks is Gay Central. I’m fine with that. I can hang out with the most fabulous of the fabulous and that doesn’t bother me a bit. I love being surrounded by men who are prettier and more fashionable than I am.

What I have a problem with is the gay barrista who works there. He is a swell guy. Always friendly, quick with drinks…he’s great. The thing that bugs me is he keeps giving all the men free shots!!! The guy in front of me will get a free shot, the guy in back of me will get a free shot but when I get to the front of the line, what do I get? Nothing. No free shots for moms. I call prejudice! I want a free shot too!

I don’t really mind. Maybe he gets a lot of dates that way. More power to him. I don’t want to date him. I just think it’s kind of funny. One of these days I will get up the guts to tease him about it.

While we are talking about Starbucks…why am I the worst with spilling my coffee? You’d think the paper cups with the tiny little hole to sip from would be spill-proof but I have spilled coffee in every way imaginable. If there was an Olympic event for fastest way to get coffee through a little hole, or fastest way to dislodge the lid, I would win the gold.

I am all thumbs when it comes to holding my coffee. I have spilled coffee down the front of me. I’ve spilled coffee on other people. I’ve even spilled coffee three feet sideways when I caught a cup falling in midair and pinned it against the handle of a shopping cart. Sploosh went my coffee all over the grocery-store linoleum, narrowly missing a checker. I was so embarrassed.

I should not be allowed to hold coffee. I should just wear it on my back in one of those wineskin things and drink it through a very long straw. Thankfully, I take forever to drink my coffee and it is usually lukewarm or cold when I spill it. I have never yet (knock knock on my wooden head) spilled hot coffee on my baby.

I know I said I don’t mind hanging out with fabulous men who are prettier and more fashionable than I am… BUT I have to admit it is pretty sad when I show up at Gay Central (aka Starbucks) in my morning work-out attire (dumb-looking too-short sweats and baggy slouchy top that covers my not-so-tight mom-belly) and then I spill coffee all over my frumpiness too. Maybe that’s why I never get a free shot. Mr. Gay Barrista knows it would be wasted on me, literally.


  • kathryn

    Hmmm.. Im wondering if you’ve mastered the whole “stealth spill” yet? It seems like every third time or so that I go to Starbucks, the coffee starts mysteriously leaking out from underneath the lid, or “burping” out of the hole in the lid. I will feverishly try to reposition the lid like a dozen times, but it will still keep seething out the lip, every time I take a sip. What is UP with that?

    Sorry, slow news day around here too!

  • Marie

    Those Starbucks cups are notorious for spilling on anyone who will drink from them (I swear, I kid you not). It’s not you, it’s the cup.

    You should totally tease him. See how he reacts and hopefully get a free shot! Awesome illustration by the way!

  • jen

    oh i think i can help you. I ALWAYS spill out of those stupid lids. Ask for the flat lid! they have them and they’re the old fashioned kind.

  • Jummy

    Thanks for the giggles! That illustration of you is so cute!

    I’m ok with coffee but me + restaurant or any dining place = at least one food stain on my clothing! I’m not sure why this is.

  • Kandace

    OMG! I just had a picture of you wearing one of those beer hats with the straws except with coffee.

    Everyday on my way to work I spill coffee all over the front of me. Those holes are tricky especially when you fumble your coffee.

  • chris

    If you are using your Starbucks card, and it is registered, you should be getting free shots (of syrup) at least. Check the Starbucks website for the perks they have added to people who use Starbucks cards. You can also get free refills on regular coffee and I think upsized to a Venti from a Grande for free. It’s part of their new campaign. You are exactly the market they are going after, so why not take advantage. Enjoy!

  • msamethyst1

    Also check to see if your SBX has the “splash sticks.” They plug the sip hole if you are walking. I have one I reuse and it has helped prevent latte down the arm when walking ;) I also second the recommendation to register your SBX card if you like soy or flavored syrups or just want a free refill on brewed coffee.

  • Denise

    Well, a “grande, no-thanks a-latte” to Mr. Gay Barista. No, I didn’t make that up, but I thought I would share since in makes me laugh every time I say it.

  • RubiaLala

    Last week I was waiting for my drink and Gay Barista fixes the drink for the guy in front of me, calls out the order like he’s making love to it, puts on the sleeve and is like “Have a nice day” wink wink looking him up and down.

    Then when my order is ready here’s what I get:

    Vanilla Latte.

    No sleeve, no have a nice day, no looking me up and down! ARGH.

  • lisa

    I spill some of pretty much every cup of coffee I drink, no matter what kind of cup it’s in.

    Once, while freaking out before a huge oral final exam for a biology class, I went to the school cafe and bought a mocha. I had half an hour to kill, so I went and found a table and sat down. When I leaned over to get out my text book I kicked the table and knocked over the mocha. The cap popped off and the entire 20 oz poured out all over me. I was covered in brown from my neck to my knees, and went to my exam soaking wet.

    Somehow the coffee didn’t boost my spirits that day.

  • Gingermog

    Oh that’s just awful about the barista not giving you a freebie shot, I feel outraged on your behalf. I know how you feel though, sometimes I walk into Soho and Old Compton Street literally is gay central. All the gay guys are hanging out on the street cafes looking really slick and I feel Ms Frumpsville who-got-dressed-in the-dark and suddenly invisible. I stopped trying very hard on the glamour side when I met this really nice beautiful, six foot transexual in a club loo once and thought “lynne honey you just haven’t got it”. Ah well I have a small, scruffy elf thing going on instead.

    And I’m Ms Butterfingers too, on a bad day I have dropped a latte right outside the shop – but that was due to cold fingers and trying to sort out the lid which the barista had put on badly :)

  • Aladyinredpolish

    OK, So I know you are really busy as a Mom, but I think a good solution to the starbuck cup thing would be to purchase a coffee cup thats pretty and nice and that fits into the stroller cup holder and bring it to Starbucks for them to fill.

    That way you would be familiar with the fit, usually they have a locking thingy on them, and you would be saving trees :).

    At night rinse with warm soapy water, or dish washer if you have time and then next morning your ready to go. I hope this can help :)

  • BeachMama

    Add me to the list of Starbucks addicts/visitors. I often think they should be paying me to advertise for them. But, alas that would be the same of all their customers. We have a drive-thru here and J asks at least once a week if we are going to the coffee shop! If Apple starts asking too, I know that I have a problem. And nobody sees you spill if you are in your own car ;).

  • Bethiclaus

    My husband is a SBUX manager, so my life is as SBUX post. Incidentally, did the gay barista always do this, or did you only just start noticing? If it’s recent, and if your regular drink has an even number of shots in it, it might not be anything personal. They recently replaced all the espresso machines with new ones that pull two shots at a time. If someone orders a single- or triple-shot drink, the barista is allowed to give away the extra shot as a perk of sorts.