crafts gone wrong,  spilling my guts

Stupid Day


Today was such a stupid day. Nothing went terribly wrong other than the the fact that my Dad has a blood clot from his knee to his groin and I’m worried sick about him.

(They are traveling. He’s not in the hospital because they don’t have insurance right now (long story) so of course I’m worried sick about him.

My Dad is very upbeat. He always is. He’s leaving everything up to God. I wish I was more like him. I just know that if something happened to my Dad I would cry forever. I take him for granted so often. I hate getting old and thinking about my parents health failing. But such is life.

Anyway that is not why today was stupid. I’m sure it had some underlying affect on my overall mental condition but there is nothing I can do to help my dad right now so I’m trying to compartmentalize my worry into a little box.)

Today is Wednesday which means I volunteer in Bug’s class. I’ve never worked out at the gym right before volunteering so today was a first. I get sweaty in those Zumba classes and I knew I would smell badly if I went directly from my workout to the classroom so I made the decision to shower at the gym. I see lots of women doing it. I figured I could pull it off. I’m a no-nonsence kind of girl. I like to go camping. I figured I could swing it, no problem.

I was so wrong.

I forgot my shoes. Nothing went as planned.

First of all my clothes got a little wet in the shower because there was no place to put them out of the way of the shower spray. There was a little shelf but it was in the shower and there was no way to direct the shower head away from it.

Second, I had to hurry like mad because there were women waiting right outside for me. A line of them! There was a little curtain between us but they could see me through the cracks. Nothing like eyeballs to make you feel the pressure. I felt like I was in middle school all over again.

I made it out of the shower alive but then I realized I forgot to bring a regular sized towel and a hair dryer. I peeled my clothes on over my wet body but then I had to deal with my hair. All I had was my little sweaty workout towel. I dried off the best I could but my hair was dripping! Thankfully, I had a few rubber bands and I remembered Whoorl’s top knot trick but I still looked like I was trying to be Madonna or something with a skintight wet ponytail. Not my best look.

And then there was the issue of my shoes. I had to wear my running shoes with a skirt because I forgot my mary janes that I had planned to wear. Running shoes with a skirt!!! At least my skirt was sort of sporty with rusching and a drawstring but still! I never wear workout shoes with dresses. Ugh. That’s just not my style. I don’t live in New York and it’s not the eighties.

So I pulled myself together, hid under my many bags and beelined it to my car. I tried not to count how many cute guys were coming and going to the gym through the same big entry way that I had to pass through but there seemed to be quite a few of them. They were all probably ten years younger than me and wouldn’t have noticed me even if I did look like a hot Bahama mama but still. I felt so stupid. Wet slicked back hair and running shoes–ugh!

I didn’t have much time but I decided I could NOT go to Bug’s class looking like that. I can die a thousand deaths of humility but I can’t force that on her too. I drove home as fast as I could, whipped up the stairs and changed shoes. I changed out of my now wet shirt and into another dry one. Then I blew dry the front of my hair and kept the tight top knot. I was passable.

I rushed over to Bug’s school and then stood there in the parking lot trying to remember what time I’m supposed to be volunteering. Was it ten? Ten-thirty? I have so many time slots going through my head, I can’t keep anything straight. And then there was that last time when I went too early and interrupted the class when the teacher was being observed by the principal. That was terrible! I think I’m starting to develop an anxiety disorder over volunteering because for some reason I keep blocking out what the time is that I’m supposed to be there.

I gathered my courage and knocked on the door. Of course all the kids were sitting on the floor listening to a story and I completely interrupted everything, AGAIN. I swear, there is no sneaking in and out of that classroom. It’s like the door is the stage or something and I get stage fright every time I have to go through it.

I snuck to the back of the room to where the teacher usually has a little folder with instructions for volunteers. It wasn’t there. Everything was weird. I felt the world closing in around me. I didn’t know where to go. I probably should have interrupted Bug’s teacher but she had just launched into a story about penguins and I knew it would be horrible. I couldn’t stand the thought of all those little eyeballs on me while we sorted out the mix-up.

Plus, I had a craft post due today and trying to get craft posts photographed before the sun goes down on these short winter days is like trying to beat a noon deadline on a breaking news story. The pressure!

I broke. I felt like I was going to cry. I rushed out of the classroom and went home. I shouldn’t have. When I picked Bug up later she was really disappointed that I didn’t show. So was her teacher. I’m sure I threw a wrench into her schedule.

And to make matters worse my craft project turned into the craft project from hell. I shouldn’t have left myself only one day to figure it out but I don’t get paid enough to work on it for two days so I always do this to myself. It’s sink or swim. I feel like I’m sinking.

I guess you’ll see tomorrow when it posts on Alpha+Mom.


  • Christine

    Oh, Brenda. No matter how hard you try to keep it in the little box, of course worrying about your Dad is going to spill over into the rest of your day and make you do things like forget your shoes and feel like crying at school. I’m so sorry. I hope they can get him treatment and sort him out asap so you can stop worrying.

  • Christine

    (I didn’t mean that “Oh, Brenda” to sound despairing and condescending the way I now see it looks. I meant it to sound sympathetic. I really did.)

  • Jen

    UGH! What a day :( I’m sure that tomorrow will be better! I’m not fashion plate, but I totally get what you mean about the running shoes with skirt dealio.

  • Tracy

    I’m a teacher and wanted to let you know that next time, just hang out. Enjoy the story and then at the end of the story after the teacher gives the kids the next set of directions, ask the teacher what she’d like you to do. If she’s anything like me, she foolishly put the folder/notebook in the wrong spot without thinking.

  • bethany

    big hugs. stupid day here too, and my stomach isn’t knotted up with worry like yours must be. so hard to think about them getting older, it hurts. may tomorrow be better and the news on your dad take an upswing. praying!

  • JennyC

    Brenda, I’m so sorry that you had a difficult day and that your father is unwell. I will keep him in my prayers that he’s back to himself soon and that tomorrow is a much more pleasant day for you. Trust in God and all will work out (I know, easier said than done :).

  • Sally Hackney

    Prayers for your Dad and you too. Some days are just a wash and this was one of them. My daughter is a teacher and she said the same thing as Tracy. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and you’ll have good news about your Dad.

  • pinky

    I’m sorry you had such a tough day, Brenda! I feel mortified about 75% of the time so I feel some of your pain. I’m pulling for your dad (and your mom, and you!) to get through this health crisis a little bent, but not broken.

    Also – I just realized your friend Whoorl is the woman in the Pantene commercials. Holy cannoli!

  • Sonja

    Ugh, what a silly day. I hate it when I’m in a place where I can’t recover my composure when something goes wrong!
    I hope your dad heals quickly!

  • tamia

    OH man what a day! I hate those times when everything just crashes down at once. My mom is also with out insurance and I worry about her health a ton, its hard surviving in this economy. Just know there are tons of us out here sending you and your family good wishes. Tomorrow is a new day, hope its a much better one!!!!

  • Melissa

    Hoping your dad will be better soon! I hate these kinds of days – the days where we just can’t seem to catch a break. We definitely all have them. Tomorrow will be better – hang in there!

  • bethany actually

    Beck said it. Stupid days ARE stupid. I’m sorry you had a weird day.

    I’m with Tracy, too. If you’re early again, just hang out in the back and sketch so you have something to focus on besides your anxiety. Then when the teacher is done with her story, smile and ask if she can point you to the volunteer folder.

    Is your volunteering time always different? If it’s at the same time every week, maybe you could stick a post-it on your door and in your car with the right time, or something.

  • ioi

    “Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

    “God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted (tested/tried) above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 1 Cor 10:13.

    It’s days like these, that make verses like these so precious. He ever will be the “God of all comfort”. I love you.

  • sizzle

    Stupid days are so stupid! I’ve had those times where nothing goes right, I feel rushed and pressured, and I bail on something I said I would do out of frustration and being flustered. I hope today is a better day!

    I’m thinking of your dad and hoping he is okay.

  • Calee

    :( I’m agreeing with the “stupid days are stupid!” Today is a new one that will hopefully be much, much better.

    Also, I totally wear running shoes with skirts.

  • Ami

    Man, I hate days like that. Sorry you had one. Tomorrow will be better.
    On your dad, is he taking aspirin? 3 of them, every 5 hours? I have a lot of history with clotting. Good news is, it’s rarely fatal. Still he should get medical treatment — they can work out a discounted payment plan at the hospital — my brother had to do this when he was without insurance and required gall bladder surgery. They have to treat him. It’s crazy that in a country as wealthy as ours, people don’t get the health care they need b/c of financial worries. (Not a comment on your father, rather a comment on our government priorities. Why yes, I am pro universal health care.)
    Anyway: I had a three foot long clot in my greater saphenous vein, and required lovenox shots and ligation surgery to fix it.

  • OMSH

    I’m so sorry about your bad day. I guess it makes it even worse that the teacher did not seem prepared either. I’m sending hugs across the internet and I’ll toss up a prayer for a beautiful Friday.

  • BeachMama

    More Prayers for your Dad!!! You will SWIM, there is no sink just SWIM. You are amazing, beautiful and I am sure looked gorgeous in your running shoes and skirt. They cute guys were checking you out and sorry that you were running to your car. The teacher should have been more prepared but it is also obvious that it just wasn’t the right day for volunteering, next time will be the time and it will go smooth as silk. Hope you hare having a fabulous weekend!!!