The Bible Conference
Happy New Year! Did you see my new banner? No? Empty your cache and refresh your browser. There it is. Anyway before I go off rambling about the super duper invites I’m designing for Bug’s super-duper-puppet-show birthday party coming up, I think I better say a few words about the bible conference I attended over Christmas weekend.
I usually hate to talk about this stuff because I know some of you will write me off as one of those bible-thumping lunatics and the rest of you will sigh and shake your head that I’m such a coward always shying away from writing about spiritual things because it’s not the popularly accepted thing to do. And then there’s part of me that is embarrassed to admit that I probably only took in about ten percent of what was going on because I was trying to keep my toddler in line and I was distracted by the secret-coded notes my ten-year-old niece was passing right by me. (By the way, my niece may be a bad influence but she is totally clever.)
So we stayed in a fancy hotel, we ate more cookies and I drank more coffee than I really should have… I saw old friends that I haven’t seen in three years or more and I learned some things. I don’t feel like this is the place to discuss them. (Not to mention I don’t want to admit how dumb I am.) But I’m coming around to the fact that I shouldn’t hide that I am a Christian anymore. I know. There goes my readership. But I have to be honest. This is me. Silly fickle me.
I’ve had so many years that I doubted my faith. I was “saved” when I was very young and didn’t really know there was anything else to believe. Then my whole world turned on it’s head when I left the church in my twenties. I didn’t want anything to do with any kind of organized religeon. I’d seen the evil that it (and myself) could do. The Da Vinci Code sent me for a loop. Could Jesus be married? Could the bible be re-written to suit the Catholics in power at the time? I still question everything. I’d say you are a liar or in extreme denial if you don’t.
But I’m coming around. It doesn’t all make logical sense in my head. I still worry that faith is part of my brain’s elaborate plan to fool me out of being afraid of death. But I’m letting go of that. I was raised to trust in Jesus to get me through. I was raised to read the bible for encouragement. Sure it’s sentimental because it reminds me of the safe harbor that was my youth but maybe I want that safe harbor for my kid too. And then there’s the part about prayer. I don’t understand it. It works. I’ve prayed my way through trial after trial and every time I am amazed that somebody up there, who has a million zillion other things to do, actually heard me.
So that is that. I’m sorry if I bored you to tears and you’ll never want to come here again. I’m sorry if I disappointed you because I’m not going to relay what I learned from reading Hebrews 10. I just felt like I had to say something because it happened. I went to a bible conference for three days and it was good for me. I’m not going to be walking door-to-door handing out tracts but I am going to examine why I’m so hesitant to be a Christian in this crazy world. It’s part of who I am. It’s how I want to raise my daughter… maybe I need to just own up and not be so afraid to be a fool in other’s eyes. Maybe I’ve been a fool for hiding it.
A funny thing though: Many of the people at the conference know that I blog. It’s sort of embarrassing but it keeps me on my toes thinking about all the different personalities that will read what I write. So it sort of amused me when I was picking up my free muffins for breakfast that a girl standing nearby whispered to her friend that she wondered how much of this conference would end up on blogspot.com. I don’t blog at blogspot.com and I wasn’t really going to blog about the conference at all. It’s part of my mixed-up private life that I don’t want to discuss with five hundred of my closest imaginary friends. But when she said that, I had to write something. If only just to smile and say, I heard you.
Also? Baby Bug enjoyed it thoroughly. I can’t say the same about her first experience with hot rollers though.
p.s. top photo taken by Bug
Just wanted to add that trying to know who and what God is all about has given me many things, but never comfort. Challenge, mind-expanding, uncomfortable, synapse-stretching growth, but never comfort. Not even once.
Haha–good for you for letting the whisperers know they were heard : ) I think all of us who have been to conference want to let someone know we overheard their whispered comment at one time or another. Also, classic hot roller photo. I still have trouble sleeping in conference motel rooms because I dream my head is covered in pink foam rollers I was tortured with as a child. My daughter has curly hair and will spend her conference mornings straightening her hair someday. We all let our light shine in our own time, don’t we?
Lady in a Smalltown
I started teaching Sunday School last school year. I am glad to be “re-finding” religion. I still have questions and some of my ideas are different from the teaching of my church, but I love the insight I get from my preteens and my church. Thanks for sharing this.
And, oh my goodness, how cute is your kid. I think I made that same face the first time I used hot rollers, and I was in college.
I think it’s great that you are working through your faith. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed about – you’re right, being a Christian is a part of how you are.
Amen and thank you. It’s a sad world when we feel like we have to apologize for our beliefs when there is so much other crazy stuff going on.,
katie ~ motherbumper
Wow, I adore you more after reading this post. Happy New Year and I love the banner.
I also am a Christian who struggles with her faith and falls short of grace more often than not. I question and ponder but always come back to the fact that I believe…and that’s enough proof for me.
Thanks for sharing and touching others with your story.
I’ve often been encouraged, when it comes to only ‘getting 10%’ of a meeting because of my own little circus, with the thought that it’s 10% more than what I had beforehand. Even getting a little bit out of the meetings/ministry/bible reading is better than not getting anything at all because I didn’t even try.
Anyway, it was good to see you at Conference, even if we didn’t really get a chance to do more than say ‘hi’ in passing.
Oops! that last comment was me.
Red Lotus Mama
LOVE LOVE LOVE the new banner! Just curious … what Bible conference did you go to?
I was at that conference last year and I really enjoyed my time there…even if I am from the “other side.” haha.
Janna from Honeyed Hashette
I will be a reading your blog, maybe even more now. I am a Christian too and I am glad to know you love Jesus. :) This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!
Love the hot rolls picture. Did you take a curly hair pic afterwards?
happy new year Brenda.
i for one, “love you just the way you are”…
be true to yourself,heart,mind and soul.
What a beautiful post. I feel the same way about my faith, and it is such a personal thing. The beauty of being a Christian is that you can express your faith however you feel most comfortable. I admire those who can openly talk about it, but I just prefer to keep mine private.
I’ll definitely continue to read.
I just found your blog, and instead of scaring me away, posts like this just draw me in more! I love it! Your blog here is great! Thank you! (I just wrote four sentences all ending in ‘!’, you probably think I’m crazy.)
Thank you for this blog. I just found your site and this blog was really encouraging. I appreciate you having the courage to write about things that you may be struggling with.