illos,  preg-nuts


Happy New Year! Toby wants me to tell everybody that I celebrated New Year’s by “going to the can”. He has such a way with words. So yeah, whatever. Did you really expect me to stay up and have my obligatory glass of sparkling cider and then toast all the neighbors who were hooting and hollering outside as they drove by drunk in their stretch hummer limousines, when I could be sleeping?!!

I accidentally woke up at midnight. And yes, it was because I had to get up to go the bathroom. Hello, I’m pregnant. That’s what I do. I wake up every hour on the dot because I’m such a light sleeper. I can actually hear the numbers flipping on my digital clock. So yes, I was awake and I cheered and toasted Toby with my half open eyelids. And then I let him kiss me with my mouth closed. (’cause Ew! Morning breath!)

But really I am excited about the new year! It’s NEW and fresh and have you heard…. I’M HAVING A BABY!!! Woo Hoo! This is when you all should get up and run around wherever you are and cheer for me because I’m way too lazy to get up out my chair. I’ll do the chair cheer. I’m so excited.

I really did get over that freak out I had last night/yesterday. Thanks for cheering me up. I think the freaking out was bound to happen no matter who I talked to. My sister-in-law is a very calming person in my life and there’s no way it could ever be her fault for freaking me out. Early in the morning as I started to read all your encouraging comments I started to realize I was just experiencing some kind of hormonal emotion thing because every time I read the words, “hold your little baby in your arms” I started blubbering all over again.

I just can’t believe it’s really true. Maybe some of you know how long I’ve wanted my own baby. I’ve been borrowing (baby sitting) and loving other people’s kids for so long, I started to accept that it just wasn’t going to happen for me. I started to imagine my own ghost children following me around.

I can’t get my silly addled brain around the fact that this baby is going to be all mine! I won’t have to give her back! She’ll look like me and get this: this is the best part, she’s going to come from the factory already programmed to love me! Can it possibly get any better than that?!!!! Something cute and small AND it loves me!

Excuse me while I melt into a puddle.

I started to realize that the freaking-out-business was just what I was going to do yesterday, whether it be about something scary–like pain, or something wonderful like love. I’m just at that stage. I’m just a freak! Freaky freaky freak-kay! (As my niece whispered to me conspiratorially on the phone the other day, “My Daddy says you’re crazy.”)

So let’s get this party started already! You hear that in there, baby? You can come out now! Come out and meet your crazy mama! Don’t be scared. 2006 is going to be fun!