Today was a good day for hot tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s been rainy and cold for October. Toby says it will clear it up soon and we’ll have the hot dry weather we’re used to here in Southern California. But for today it felt like winter and I liked it. It was nice to wear tights and closed toe shoes and cook myself some hot soup for lunch. I guess I just needed some comfort foods.
Yesterday, it felt like the sky was falling in. Like perhaps the snowball of bad things was finally going to start rolling on us. We have been particularly lucky in life and I know these things can’t last forever. All night I worried about getting reamed for not paying our taxes, maybe even go to jail and then one of us would get cancer and then my child would be born with some horrible devastating disease and we wouldn’t be able to pay the medical bills and then we would end up homeless or worse. These things happen to good people all the time. And it could still happen.
But I woke up and it was just another day. We aren’t going to jail. Nobody has cancer yet. My baby is kicking like a normal baby.
I went to the lab for my glucose test today. Which, by the way, wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. Thanks to my new pregnancy sweet tooth, the glucose drink tasted like flat mountain dew and didn’t make me gag at all. I felt kind of sluggish and crappy after I drank it but I didn’t get sick. Then I went home and I did laundry and cleaned the house and the sky didn’t fall in then either. As I was putting my clothes away, I eyeballed my “cuddle pillow” that I sleep with (that is supposed to help my hips from hurting but it doesn’t work a bit) and I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if I made a cover for it with a tale of a whale*? I mean how bad can life be when you have thoughts like that? Maybe failure is just a state of mind. Or maybe I’m just in denial. Either way, sulking about it isn’t going to change anything. We do have a follow up appointment with our tax man and he says everything is going to be okay. Somehow it will be.
Thought of you Pinky.
Toby and I spent the day at the tax man’s hoping to file our late late late 2004 taxes. They were due last night at midnight (well actually they were due April 15th and then August 15th and lastly October 17th…). Our tax man convinced us not to file because there were too many blanks we still need to fill in. He wanted to help us but we didn’t have an appointment and he had three already lined up who are also hoping to meet the deadline. He told us to go online and just pay any old amount just so we could stop the penalty snowball. We had until midnight to pay online. We forgot. As soon as we got home I cooked us dinner because we were starving. And then I fell asleep and so did Toby. Midnight came and went. I woke up at 1am. I sat on the couch and cried. I have never been an underachiever before. I’m so mad at myself and us. We could have filed but things are wrong. At this point an audit would be a good thing. We probably need to re-file for 2003 just to make 2004 right and 2005 is just around the corner. Toby tried to go online and pay at 2am. We need a password to pay. Our password will arrive in the mail in 10 days. I have no idea how much we will have to pay. But I know it will be a lot.
Toby says not to worry. But all I can do is worry. I wish worrying made you smarter.