Bug,  Life Lessons,  Moody Blues,  spilling my guts

Skate the Day Away!


Yesterday was not very Valentinetastic for me but then I didn’t really expect it to be. I am, afterall, decidedly single. Bug, however, had a super valentine-tastic day. She got flowers from her dad AND we went ice skating! Wooo Hooo! High fives all around! It was pretty cool if I do say so myself.

working her way around

The apartment complex we live in emailed out free tickets for one session on Valentine’s Day. I figured we didn’t really have anything much better to do and the sessions are usually quite expensive so why not? The rink is in a nearby outdoor mall and quite small but it’s still charming. And they play music loud so Bug was down with it in spades.

this is hard.

Bug started out hugging the wall all the way around. The ice was really slippery and quite cut up from all the other people skating. I tried a few rounds myself and even though I can roller skate decently, I had to go back and change skates to a smaller size. I just felt so wobbly and scared that I was going to fall and break something.


It’s a whole new ballgame of worries when you’re 40 and you have crappy medical insurance with a super-high deductible. My Dad broke his arm when I was a baby from ice skating so I always have that in the back of my mind. The smaller skates helped a lot but after a half hour of skid-sliding around, I thought I better sit it out and cut my losses. So I grabbed my camera and tried to capture the fun that Bug was having instead.

half smile

Don’t let the half smile-smirk fool you. She was loving it.

hi Mom!

Things got exponentially better when her friend showed up. They are both so tiny and mighty with their personalities that are bigger than they are. They trekked and slid around that little rink over and over and over. They got pretty good at it and soon were doing their little shuffle-skate moves in the middle, far away from the floundering beginners at the wall.


Three hours passed and they were still going strong.

Here’s a little video of Bug doing her thing:

Not quite skating but getting around none the less.

The interesting part for me was that I forgot my phone at home. In the olden golden days this would be no big deal but just like everybody else on this planet these days, I have gotten quite addicted to all the fun aps and social media connections that I can check into every other minute. Being forced to sit there and people-watch hour after hour was really mind-opening.

The Bug Shuffle

I apologize for opening up the dark side of my life on this post but you know it’s been there lurking. You’ve probably been wondering how I’m doing when I don’t blog. Among many other reasons (like being busy or boring or lazy…) I’ve been going through some “stuff” lately. Every time I find myself in a low place and tears start to flow, I have to remind myself that there is a giant iceberg of hurt inside me and it’s going to take a long long time for all that to melt.

I always think I’m so strong and I can just buck up and get over things in a snap but I’m fooling myself. You don’t get over stuff in a snap. You just think you do and then it creeps back in disguised as some other disappointment and before you know it the dam breaks and you’re crying buckets. Not over the small disappointment but over the years of disappointment. Anyway. That is too sad and too depressing to wallow in. I just wanted to say it because if I think of the iceberg melting, it makes me think that maybe I’m making progress. That maybe someday I’ll melt this damn thing.

Sitting there watching all the Valentine couples skating around and nearly falling on their cute little I’m-out-on-romantic-date-outfitted butts was a good exercise for me. I wasn’t that jealous of them. They were funny and silly and they made me smile. I didn’t have my phone or food or Netflix to escape into so I just sat there and thought about where I am in my life and where I want to be and how I want to be a better mom to the one and only most important person in my life. I could go into that more but this post needs to wrap up.

skating the night away

So this morning when Bug woke up and could hardly move her legs because they were so sore from skating, I had to smile with pity. Poor thing. They had had a Jump Rope For Heart jump-roping session at her school earlier on Valentines and then adding all that skating really did her in. So it’s no wonder my brain is a little sore. Ice melting is hard work too.


  • a chris

    Sorry you’re suffering with that iceberg. Valentine’s Day is a bad one when you’re carrying hurt. It’s got to be hard sometimes, but spying in from outside, you’ve accomplished so much since last February! I hope you can feel that sometimes, too.

  • Kimberly

    I’ve been divorced for almost 7 years (married for 6 months now though so woo!) and there are things that STILL gut me. But you will heal. :)

    On another note. I LOVE Bug’s new bangs or fringe or whatever they call them now!

  • Carol Lucas

    Hugs to you! I’ve been happily married for 2 years to a wonderful man. Even saying that, there are times that I am in tears over things that happened with the ex. Divorce is hard. Maybe we all have an iceberg that needs to melt. I’m hoping mine is slowly melting away but I could do with a few less tears myself.

  • Jeanie

    I think you are a bright light to so many. I hope you know that. (And it is okay not to always be strong. Even weightlifters set the bar down.)

  • Christine

    Hugs, honey. It sounds like going through stuff and crying some bucketsful (and maybe even writing about it and don’t apologise because you know we love reading it) is maybe good for you, even though it hurts, because that’s what makes the iceberg melt. Lovely metaphor, lovely image, lovely pictures of your beautiful girl.

  • Jeannette

    I spent my first VD in 24 years alone and I survived. It actually wasn’t that painful, but having the kids around hepled tremendously. I know I have a long road ahead of healing and learning about the why’s (why I stayed, why I accepted being treated that way etc.). I look to you and other women who are ahead of me to see that I will, not only make it through, but bloom. So thank you for sharing, it really helps! And Bug is so beautiful and grownup!

  • Cathy

    Okay, did you put the “everyday I’m shuffling” into the video or was that playing ever so appropriately at the time? It’s great! As are you. You are doing a wonderful, wonderful job from where I sit. I’ve been through it and it does take time to heal, but you will. Tears are a good stress reliever and it’s fine to use them.

  • Jen

    Honestly, I would worry if you didn’t address the iceberg. Don’t feel bad for letting the emotions out. I think you’ve been doing so good and Bug looks so happy. I wish I could be around more for you. Rooting for you all the time!

  • Anon

    I hear you. Working on my own ice berg but so far not as brave as you and still living on it. One last chance…. Good for you for doing it while you are still young with so much ahead of you SAJ. I am so proud of you. Yes hard but as the song goes ‘future so BRIGHT you gotta wear shades!” :)

    Oy, I used to be in a skating club and hearing the Bug skated as long as she did made my lower body ACHE! But good on you both for what was no doubt a fun and memorable day. Your daughter is gorgeous. Very uniquely beautiful!

  • pinky

    Those are the jazziest ice skates I’ve ever seen – and Bug couldn’t be more spunky or adorable.

    And you are awesome, Brenda – yes there is pain, but you have done so many right things to take care of yourself and your girl that I am sure that in time everything will even itself out.

  • gingermog

    Love your skating post. Bug looks so big ! There is something so freeing about ice skating I think. I’ve done it the once and have pants balance and had to be towed by a tiny, might friend of mine who had skating lessons as a kid. Anyway I like the idea of it, but animators don’t ice skate, I’ve know 3 to break their wrists doing so, the old me would have shied away but the new me says buy some wrist splints and go for it :)

    I think I understand what you mean about the ice berg melting, geesh your strong, but I agreeletting it out is healing. I should send you a long email about my thoughts on healing one day, meanwhile I send you a huge hug, straight from the Welsh mountains. xxx

  • mamalang

    As others said, we all carry those iceburgs. The blogs I’ve read all these years are the ones that the people aren’t afraid to occasionally share the hard/bad times as well as the good times. There isn’t a single person whose life is sunshine and rainbows all of the time, and it that’s all you present, eventually people will stop coming. I’m not saying you can be all humdrum all the time (just kidding, can’t imagine you doing that) but there is a balance.

    And we all love you and Bug so much. That is a happy, well-loved child in the pictures you post, and that is what matters most.

  • BeachMama

    I love that Bug is skating in her shirt sleeves!!! We have to bundle up to skate here ;)

    Don’t fret about your iceburg, we all have them you just live more online and are brave enough to share. I don’t find I can share it as much, makes for too many questions.