Moody Blues,  Super Dad

Even happy people get the blues.

September 17, 2009 /

flowers for B

I had the worst day yesterday. I can’t even blame it on circumstances. I didn’t get in a wreck or anything. I didn’t find out I have cancer. I didn’t hear any bad news from my family. I just got home from Bethany‘s and it felt like reality smacked me in the face. The fun was officially over.

My house was dirty. The cats had puked all over the carpet. I’m out of grocery money (as usual) and I felt over-worked and under-appreciated in general. I hate cooking at the best of times, and right now my kitchen feels like a sauna every day at just the time I have to cook dinner. We have moths that infested every dry good in my minuscule pantry. It took me about an hour just to go through everything and throw out all the ruined stuff. I must have killed 50 moths, maybe 100. I hate those buggers.

Usually, I can take one foot and put it in front of the other and overcome these normal everyday annoyances. But on top of everything else, Toby and I got in a fight. Nothing serious, just the usual. You know, feeling like the other person has NO CLUE what you do all day long. I totally understand his point of view too. It’s not like he’s living on Easy Street and I can see why he might think all Bug and I ever do is go to the park and do arts and crafts. You know how it is. The other person never sees things quite the way you do. Normal marriage communication problems.

The problem is when I get upset I cease to be reasonable at all. Logic goes out the window and the next thing I know I’m a snotty miserable crying mess. I can’t string two words together that make any sense at all and if they do make sense they are just immature insults that I later wish I could take back. Sometimes I just give up and stop talking. Yesterday was one of those days.

testing chairs at Anthropology

I took Bug to the mall and we walked around. No shopping of course, just exploring. She bounced around with smiley happiness while I moped. Isn’t it weird how you can be so sad and at the same time all around you are happy people and happy things and happy music? I must have sat in Anthropologie for five minutes listening to some poppy tunes just feeling like the whole world was my bowl of irony.

how about this one?

It’s hard to keep it together for your kids sometimes. I did break down once and I explained it all to Bug. I know I can’t always hide these things from her and I know it’s healthy for her to see me cope. She tried to comfort me with a big sloppy hug. I love that kid.

knobs

Then I went home and cleaned my house from top to bottom. I cooked dinner and zoned out on my laptop while Bug ate and watched tv. Not the best family night but you can’t win them all. Then probably about eight o’ clock Toby came home from a photo shoot. I ignored him. He cleared his throat and when I turned around to see what he wanted my attention for, I saw that he held in his hand five dark red gerber daisies.

I forgave him immediately. He doesn’t do things like this very often but when he does they work like magic.

41 Comments

  • Katie

    September 17, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Sorry to hear you had a bad day. :( I know that feeling exactly. Except unluckily for people of the general public I would in retail. So when I’m feeling like how you were feeling I have to still be nice to people (or not be nice if they aren’t deserving of my trying-really-hard-not-to-rip-off-your-face-ness).. I have officially started a new motto (and I know it’s helped me so hopefully it makes sense and helps you) of “It could always be worse.” I know that sounds bad to say at first but when you think of it, it makes sense. If you realize how it could be worse instead of focusing on how it could be better, it doesn’t feel so bad. I’ve let Parker see me break down a couple of times because I also think it’s good to let him see these things and he runs to me before the first tear even falls from my eyes and grabs me as hard as he can and says “You’ll be ok Mommie. It’s not so bad.” And you know what? He’s absolutely right.

    *HUGS* I hope you find some contentness (is that even a word?). And go Toby for the awesome flowers. It’s great when they get it. :)

  • karen

    September 17, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Toby rocks! So does your photo of you with his flowers – a great follow of your crappy day! Also? I love Bug’s outfit. I would totally wear it if I could find it in my size.

  • Katie

    September 17, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    What gorgeous flowers and what a gorgeous little bug you have there! Hope the rest of the week is better! (It should be with pretty flowers to look at!!)

  • Ninotchka

    September 17, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Life! I loved that picture of you on flickr. Love it even more now that I know the back story. I cried yesterday too. I felt better today. Much. Onward, right?

  • the ambitious mrs

    September 17, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Last week I went to a play date with a new group of women I had never met and proceeded to have a meltdown within 30 seconds of arriving because someone asked me “how are you?” I hadn’t had any good sleep in a long time and I lost it (so embarrassing!) It happens! And it passes – thank goodness! Enjoy your flowers, that’s a sweet treat!

  • Amy

    September 17, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Sorry to hear of your crappy day and fight. Can relate as I have spent much of my children’s lives at home with them while hubby works long hours. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you.

  • ioi

    September 17, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    I’m glad you wrote this post. It helps me figure out what I’ve inheirited and what is my own crazyness. I was jealous that you got flowers at the end of it all. Sometimes it’s just something as simple as that to make you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

  • Jen

    September 17, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    THAT IS SO SO SO SWEET! Oh, I love it.

    I find myself in the same situation as well. Back from seeing friends, out of grocery money (a normal thing for me too), and in a fight with my husband. But, he doesn’t do the flower thing.

    I’m glad that Bug gave you a big sloppy hug. What a little sweetheart!! I just love her.

  • gingermog

    September 18, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Squishies. I’m sorry that you had a bad day. Married life is so like this, each partner busy with their own problems and forgetting the others point of view. J and I have a few mornings grumping at each other while we walk through the park to work. Yes, through the park! How privileged are we not having to brave the squish of public transport in the morning. Most of the time our grumping takes roots from money/work/time issues. Sigh. Toby is sweet to buy your Gerber Daisy’s – these are the exact same flowers J would choose too. He says they look like flower I would draw. I hope you have a better day today . xxx

  • chelsie

    September 18, 2009 at 1:18 am

    Funny how you can go so long without a bad day… and then all of a sudden, a million little things – things that would be okay on their own – pile up in to one day… usually the day after a night of little sleep. Sometimes it feels so nice to just absorb the sadness, cry a bit and appreciate the depths… because then tomorrow’s sunrise feels so much brighter and warmer than it ever did before.

    Glad that your husband helped lift you out of your bad day… sometimes they’re part of the problem – but it’s really nice when they’re part of the solution.

    Best, Chelsie

  • jenB

    September 18, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Oh lovie, this is hard to read. I have always admired your sunny side up and happy disposition, but still and happy waters run deep. You are a wonderful person, wonderful and I think you manage working and taking care of the bug amazingly well. You do a lot, it seems obvious to me from reading your site. Yes, marital communication is hard and easy to just let things go and I know I have been there are well. You are amazing.

    Lovins’ to you

    xo

  • Miss Virginia

    September 18, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Misery loves company…and know that we ALL have days like that! What a wonderful gesture on Toby’s part…it’s the little things that mean the world. Now…to make it all PERFECT…can I please have that leather chair?????!!!!!

  • Clownfish

    September 18, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    When things seem tough, my motto is, “At least I’m not chasing a flatbed truck trying to catch a bag of flour for my family”. Extreme? Yes, but it always calms me down.

    And of course I dig the photo of you and the flowers. (smooth Toby…nice)

  • pinky

    September 18, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Gerber daisies sound like just the right prescription for a day when nothing is all that bad, but everything sucks.

    Keeping a house running and a kid fed/dressed/bathed/entertained can really wear you out. And I know it looks like playtime to everyone clocking in – and sometimes it is! But every night when little man goes to bed I suddenly feel so, so tired, tired in a way I never felt when I was working an 8-5.

  • Nila

    September 20, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Days like those are such a bummer. Yesterday I had to remind my husband that I work full time too. While it’s not fun, it’s normal and sometimes necessary as it brings us closer and hopefully gives us a better understanding of our partner. Until the next time, of course.

  • fishwomen

    September 21, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I have had that moth problem before–they even got into sealed MCCormink spice jars. The whole panty hand to be thorn away. I was completely grossed out. Tossing things like a mad woman and washed down the pantry with bleach water.

    The flowers were wonderful

  • Holly

    September 21, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    I had a little tear in my eye for you…. but glad all is happy again.
    Moths are a nightmare, i share your anger as currently dealing with infestation in the carpets.. grrr

  • Rebecca_C

    September 24, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Hi! I’ve been “lurking” on your blog for quite awhile and I absolutely love your photography, craft ideas, and of course Bug! But this post just absolutely made me want to comment (not sure why it took me so long really). I had the same type of day today and it made me feel so much better to read this. Thanks for sharing your life.

  • Kuky

    September 24, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    I finally got a chance to get onto the computer so I’m catching up on my reading. I’m sorry you had a bad day. We’re low on sleep here and though we are beyond happy we’ve had some snappy moments here and there so I totally know how you feel. How wonderfully sweet that Toby got you flowers and the day ended that way.

  • Beth

    September 25, 2009 at 8:01 am

    ten year anniversary…congrats!
    day to day life…..a two-way street!
    sometimes filled with pot-holes!!

    always hold hands over the bumpy parts!

    your a great blogger and person, thanks for being REAL!

  • Leesa

    September 26, 2009 at 5:36 am

    sweetie you are not alone
    it’s all normal, but sometimes it does feel like mountains. Have a quiet few days?
    do you and Toby practise that 5 love languages stuff? We find when one of us swings to “acts of service” and ” quality time” overkill (OK that’ld be me!) and opts out on the “physical touch” one (which of course is usually his favourite)
    well, of course it creates problems!
    but your camping trip will be great for that! Look forward! and see if you can even turn your mobiles off aswell- you wouldn’t believe the freedom and release you all will feel!