What I really want to say is “Plah!”
A while back, maybe two weeks ago, I was getting a lot of headaches. I felt like crap. I was tired all the time, unmotivated, feeling fat, and maybe even a little depressed. In the wee hours of the morning I kept getting these panic attacks (mild ones, nothing really too alarming) wondering if I had sleep apnea because I would find myself waking up at odd times to my own snorting.
I don’t even snore, I don’t think. At least that’s what Toby says. I’ve asked him a million times to check on me when I’m sleeping to make sure and he says when I’m asleep I’m as quiet as a mouse. Who knows. I’m not sure I believe him because he’s the freak who stays up until four in the morning working. He may or may not be paying attention to me sleeping in the next room. If I snore, I probably don’t snore that loud.
But I’m paranoid because sleep apnea runs in my family and I am deathly afraid of getting it. Why? I guess because I don’t want to have a stroke and I don’t want to wear a mask forcing air into my lungs all night. I know lots of people use masks and they have changed their lives in wonderful ways but I really don’t want to use a mask if I can avoid it. I have a hard enough time feeling sexy as it is.
One of my aunts (whom I think I most resemble in body type) said she got sleep apnea when she reached 140 pounds. Sleep apnea is primarily caused by being overweight. I’m very very very near 140 right now. I hover around it. I might have even been 140 two weeks ago when I was waking up snorting and suffering from headaches all day long. The only symptom that I didn’t have was overwhelming sleepiness during the day. Though I have to admit that I was feeling tired all the time. Is that just all the exhausting mothering I’m doing or is it that I’m NOT BREATHING WHILE I SLEEP!? Ack!
On top of my sleep apnea fears, I also have to worry about diabetes. There are many women in my family who have diabetes and I bet if they could go back in time to their 37-year-old selves and make some changes to avoid the health problems that they have now, they would. So I made an appointment to see a doctor. I haven’t been to a doctor for three years. It was scary.
So far I’ve only had a consultation. She seemed like a perfectly nice doctor. I have to schedule some blood tests (with ten hours of fasting) and a physical to really get to the bottom of things. The doctor doesn’t think I have sleep apnea but during that consultation she told me I need to lose “a little weight” by changing my diet and exercise.
A LITTLE WEIGHT.
Man, those words hurt. I knew it was coming but it still didn’t stop me from freaking out. I’m not the waif I used to be. I know I have a lot to be thankful for with my body type and metabolism but man, this is the beginning of the end, isn’t it? No more pizza and cupcakes for breakfast for me any more? I have a very healthy appetite. I’m going to be hungry all the time! I can’t do this!!!
This is where I have to put in a lot of back-pedaling mumbo-jumbo about being healthy and not being vain. Mind you, I live in Plastic Barbie Land where boys get boob jobs and then parade around sticking their bony arms in my face so that I can feel like a fat slob. I know I am a curvy woman and I know curves can be beautiful. It’s just that I have to be careful.
I need to lose ten pounds for my health and ten pounds for my vanity. I’ll start with the ten pounds for my health and probably never get around to the ten pounds for vanity but it’s there in the back of my mind. The doctor didn’t give me a number of pounds I should lose but I’m guessing if it was fewer than ten she wouldn’t really bother me about it. I’m sure she’ll be more clear after my full physical and the bloodwork has been analyzed. But I’m not going to wait until then. If this is the beginning of the end for me, I might as well start fighting it this very minute.
I’m changing my lifestyle a bit here and there. I’ve changed my body before with diet and exercise, I can do it again. Back in 1999 (before I got married and squeezed into my teeny tiny wedding gown) I ran or walked every single day for probably a year.
It was the perfect routine. I would get up at the crack of dawn and head out to the beach. One day I would run, the next I would walk. The walking on alternate days was just enough to keep the exercise a habit but at the same give me a nice break so I didn’t burn out. I didn’t slack off. I’ve found that I have to do something every day or else I tend to give up. One rest day turns into two and the next thing I know it’s a month later and I think eating Twinkies is perfectly acceptable again.
So here I am again. I’m trying to find some way to sweat every day. The walking/running routine isn’t working anymore because now I have a three-year-old nemesis who demands pancakes in the morning. I can’t just throw her in the stroller like I used to and jog off into the morning fog. She has opinions now! Strong ones!
She wants snacks and drinks and beach toys and most of all OUT OF THE STROLLER. She wants to dawdle and look at every little plant along the way. She wants to pop into Starbucks for madeleines and get ice cream at the drugstore. When we get home she wants to make cookie dough. It never ends.
She’s like the devil on my shoulder asking for all those deliciously tempting things to eat and then when we’re done with that, she wants to watch hours of mindless television while I grow my butt wider on the chair in front of my laptop. She is my own personal challenge, programmed specifically to foil me.
I know, I know. I can’t blame everything on my kid. After all, I made her like this. Sure, part of it is just her stubborn tenacity that she was born with, but it’s also me being a bad example. I could be running with her at the park, doing squats around the jungle gym, teaching her all about healthy snacks….I could very well write a book about all the ways to make mothering into a boot camp for the uber-healthy. Pfff. It’s probably already been written.
So that’s my plan. I’m going take this colossal challenge by the love handles and show it who’s boss. I’m going to eat lighter, jump rope when I can’t get away to a yoga class or a run on the beach and I’m going to teach my daughter that a stubborn will can be channeled into good things instead of bad. Huzzah!
We’ll see how well I’m doing next week.
We’ve got very similar genetics, you and I. On my mom’s side there’s obsesity, diabetes, heart disease, and uterine cancer. Crappy deal! I was overweight as a kid and it was so hard, so I have been giving thought as to what caused me to be that way and how I can do to help our girls avoid being overweight.
I have 10-20 pounds that I still want to lose but have been not really caring about them too much right now. It’s a hard balance for me to find between eating healthily and not getting obsessive about counting calories, though.
Good for you for taking these steps to improve your health and quality of life. For the record, you are beautiful as you are, right in this moment. :)
Best of luck on your health adventure!
Power to the people!!
1ST, if you have ANY tendencies toward claustrophobia, then before even thinking about doing a sleep study, find out everything you can about studies in your area are done. I did a study 2 weeks ago. Did not know going in about the many wires they were going to glue to my scalp, or the wires on each side of my face, or the one on my chin. Didn’t know about the oxygen tube that was for measuring how much I was breathing out of my nose, or the little tab that measured how much I breathed out of my mouth. Didn’t know about the throat mike that would record any snoring, or the finger clip that measured oxygen in my blood (how does that work anyway?) I followed instructions to not nap that day, and to stay away from caffine, took along low-low sugar snacks (circus animal cookies) and 1% milk. I COULD NOT get comfortable to get to sleep until about 3.30a.m.
Final results, I got about 3.30 hours deep sleep, they didn’t need to wake me to put on a mask. Still need to see the referring dr in August.
About the food. I was dx’d as type two diabetic last August. Dietician recommended a set number of calories…but the biggest thing she told me was that most adults don’t NEED any more than 5 oz. of meat. she said that was about the size of a normal deck of cards. I haven’t quite gotten my meat down that much, but I am eating way more veggies with just lemon juice instead of butter, and lots of salad with fat free dressing.
Hang in there. As long as you are trying, you will succeed.
I know what you mean. I need to get to the doctor and look into diabetic issues. It runs strong in my family and I know I need to start being careful about what I eat. Before going out of town I had started to eat a LOT better and I was feeling so good. I had crazy amounts of energy and didn’t even crave the bad stuff as much as I thought I would. Then there was vacation and all those fun new foods to try. I now feel really tired and my energy is GONE.
I’m going to go back on track tomorrow. I need to work on getting more exercise into my day. I hate getting out in the heat to work out but I need to just get over it. I have to figure out what to do with the girls while I work out too.
I had such a laugh over all of Bug’s requests for the “bad stuff”. A girl after my own heart, haha. I’d be in a lot of trouble hanging out with her for a few days. Luckily none of the girls ever suggest those things, YET!
Long Story Longer
Good for you for thinking about your health, especially with your family history. I’d personally die to be 140 lbs, but everyone has their own struggles. Do make your doc and blood appointment – those are little ways (and big ways!) you can take care of yourself. You’re doing awesome!
Also, just thinking about little Bug and her requests . . . I know they’re hard to say “no” to, but maybe you can think about her as another future woman in your family line. She’ll have these same struggles to contend with one day, and maybe starting early with her will help her later on. Just a thought :)
SAJ says: Yes! In fact I meant to write about that because it is very true.
I’ve seen firsthand how you’re taking a stand against the Stubborn and Strong Will that is Bug, and you’re doing a great job! When you start buckling down about healthy eating you will do great then too! And I’m here ready to help anytime you want advice about how to make healthy pancakes. ;-)
I’ve lost 34-ish pounds on weight watchers, and it’s been EASY. I probably would have lost weight faster if I was always diligent, but we’re all human….
Anyway, I highly recommend it, for whatever you want to lose. Just think, you’re already doing well by cooking at home all the time!
I’m right there with you on the 10 health pounds and 10 vanity pounds. It’s been a life long battle for me. I’m short and curvy. I’m amazed I’ve EVER managed to look good but I have and I’m trying to look it again. All this to say: I’m with you, sistah!
How about 35 health lbs and 10 vanity lbs? I am right there with you. I just this evening brought up re-joining the gym (would be my 3rd try in 3 years) and my husband laughed in my face. I like your idea of doing SOMETHING every day. I get carried away with the rest days too. Good luck!
You crack me up. I myself have been on a 10 for health and 10 for me. I am at the 10 for me part and feel pretty good. Just losing 10 was great. I cut back all my favorite foods, which is pretty much carbs. Except today I ate a bunch of homemade oatmeal cookies, but that is because my MIL came over and she always makes me want to eat.
Share with us, encourage us all!
Rooting for you.
(Though I know you in the flesh and think you’re HAWT.)
The struggle of exercising with kids never gets easier. Now that they are older I can’t keep up with them. Personally, I’m fighting to get down to your size. Let us know what you do…all us sheep will follow.
Snoring…have them check for allergies too.
Right now I’m two weeks away from giving birth. I weigh more than I did when I gave birth to my son. I weigh more than I ever have in my life. I’m afraid of what I’m going to look like once this baby is born. Give me two months and I’ll be right there with you in needing to lose weight. Although for me it’ll be 10 for health, 10 for vanity, plus whatever pregnancy weight I have to lose at that point. All I know is that when I got pregnant, I was bigger than you currently are.
Sleep apnea IS scary. (J has it bad when his weight goes up and it scares me to hear it/think of him gasping for air.) Good for you for taking control!
I realize this is a bizarre segue…but I thought of your Dad the other day when we were passing some truckers on our way back from Vegas. Hope all is well with the fam. Please tell Tom HI for me. :)
I currently should lose 30-40 pounds, though mentally I still feel like the tiny size 4 I was for my first 30 years. At age 30 my metabolism shut down. Now at 35 I am 175 pounds. ONE SEVENTY FIVE! Yipes! I used to be able to eat anything too. Now I gain weight eating just one meal a day. Aaacccckkkkkk!
I hate exercise, aside from walking, but love to dance so I just joined a swing dance class. Maybe there’s a dance class you and Bug can take together?! When Bug gets a little older you two can jump rope together and do all those fun rhymes.
I’ve heard of a nationwide group called TOPS that is kinda like a support group for healthy weight loss. You go in once a week to weigh in but dues are only like $26 per year. Personally, I have no discipline, so I thought maybe having this weekly meeting with PEOPLE would help motivate me. First meeting is tomorrow.
I’d be please to hear about your journey while I’m on my own.
Please DO blog about it. I am in the same boat except I KNOW I have sleep apnea, just hoping losing some weight will remedy it (and thinking my doc would recommend that to me before sending me to the sleep lab). My family is also riddled with diabetes. Throw in some major heart problems and the fact I probably weigh 20 lbs more than you.
BTW I think this shot of you is fab :)
Wow! Good for you!! I have to get on that as well, and get back down into the 130’s. (The 150’s SUCK.) I’ve been running a lot lately, but I have a VERY hard time handling my eating. I’m also hungry ALL THE TIME.
Best of luck to you!! I’d love to hear about how you’re doing :)
ps. I think you look great :)
Ok I just love that 75% of the votes are from us fat people. Yes, do share. Maybe it’ll motivate me. I have a really hard time with trying to get fit at all. I know I should but at the same time I rebel against the idea. Growing up and even now my mom has been really negative and vocal about my body image. It’s always something with her. If it’s not that I’m too fat, it’s something about my awful hair or on and on it goes. So deep down, sometimes I just don’t want to be healthier because it’s what my mom was harping me about. And I know that’s silly because I’m hurting myself but that’s just how I feel.
And the really sad part is, looking back at pictures of myself younger, I was not fat.
Oh HONEY, definitely share if you want to. I am totally always struggling with my weight – last year I lost nearly 30 pounds and I’ve put half of it back on. I have the same concern about diabetes, as it runs roughshod all over my family, so I have given myself a very kind, very loving deadline of getting my weight to a reasonable, livable balance (and about 30 pounds from where I am now) by the time I turn 30 next August.
So I’d LOVE to hear your ideas and cheer on your progress! And if you want some quick weeknight meal ideas, let’s email! I’ve been working on my summer cooking because I find it hard to cook healthfully and deliciously in summer; winter is much easier for me to cram veggies into soups and stews but I’m learning!
I was diagnosed with diabetes right before I found out I was pregnant with my son. I had just come back from a trip to the East Coast, and was convinced I had Lyme disease. I had no energy and just felt like crap all the time. The pregnancy forced me to whip myself into shape. The funny thing was that I was skinny as a rail when I diagnosed. They think it was late onset Type 1.
Diabetes sucks. I give myself 4 shots a day of insulin, and most days I am doing just fine, but some days my blood sugar is all over the place, and it’s scary. Especially because I have a young kid… I want to be around for him till he is old!
Sorry to be scary, but yes, losing weight will help you avoid this, even if you are just 20 lbs over. I would love to hear you blog about this. I think it would be positive for the world.
I think Toby would know if you had sleep apnea, I was tested for it a few years ago because I was keeping my husband awake, he was having a really miserable time poor thing, I didn’t know anything about it! Turns out I just snore really badly. I got to do my sleep study at home but I;m in Scotland.
you are the best SAJ and I support you 100%. I look forward to hearing about how it all goes. Best of luck!
I feel for you, and am in a similar position, except I have 3 kids (one 5 yr old and a pair of 18month old twins) and am also trying to work 4days/week. I’m permanently exhausted, and know I need to get back into shape, but I’m so tired and I can’t get up earlier or stay up later. On another note, re your relatives with diabetes I’m presuming it is type 2 diabetes (developed later in life, assoc with weight gain etc) and recently I listened to a podcast with an interview with a surgeon who says gastric bypass surgery cures it – no ifs, no buts, no maybes. It’s really worth listening to…
I have two incredibly stubborn girls. But you might be surprised at how sticking to your guns and getting YOUR way will change Bug’s expectations faster than you’d think! I’m always surprised at how that happens with my girls; I brace myself for a struggle, and the struggle does come, but if I stick with it, they learn and change and adapt to the “new regime.” Then everyone’s happier. Kids are amazing…I wish we adults were as flexible and capable of learning/changing.
I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that things will be easy than you can imagine, I’ve been on a healthy diet for about 1 month now, and exercising 30 minutes in the mornings 5 days a week before my daughter wakes up, I could tell a difference in my mood and strength since the very first day, I was also feeling down and tired all the time, and I still do sometimes but I assure you that you’ll feel better. Oh! I’ve also lost a few pounds here and there and I think you should definitely blog about it, that’s what I’m doing and it encourages me because I’m accountable to my friends and family who read all my crazy blooper stories about trying to fit in my old clothes.
God bless and a big virtual pat on the back, you go girl!
Janna from Honeyed Hashette
Oh SAJ! To me, you do not look overweight! I’m just saying. I think most of us (myself totally included) could stand to eat healthier, drink more water and exercise, but having seen tons of pictures of you on the blog, I just don’t think you look overweight. You look perfectly proportioned to me. :)
I do applaud the doctor visit. Diabetes runs in my family too on both sides, so I go once a year for a check up and blood draw to make sure all is well. The good thing is you can avoid the big D. :)
I bet you don’t have sleep apnea. My mother in law, dad and uncle all have it and each of them could bring the house down with their snoring. Dad and my uncle use the breathing machines and both say it changed their life forever for the good. But…if Toby says you don’t snore…I bet you don’t snore.
Best of luck! and of course we all want to hear about how it all goes. You are so motivating. Maybe you can motivate me after the baby is born! :) I’m gonna need it!
You have my empathies! And, here has been what’s working for me lately, as the upcoming big 4-0 found me in a position similar to yours:
I recently found (okay, garbage-picked from a box at the curb) this book:
…and it’s made me feel so much better about the whole weight-loss kerfuffle.
And this blog, which I read just because it’s interesting, had a great post today that opened my eyes a bit, and your writing about your fear of being hungry all the time resonated after having read it:
and the last bit? I recently changed my birth control method, and some weight just fell off and I attribute it to that.
Warm wishes for all the best!
How tall are you? Because I weigh 180 pounds and if my doctor even THINKS in his HEAD about BEGINNING to mention that I need to lose weight? (I can read his mind) I shoot him a glare that nearly kills him dead. Health is not a number on the scale and even if you’re only five feet tall, you’re not overweight. Not by a long shot. (Insert anti-diet shpiel here.)
And you’re healthy! You’re ALWAYS on the go. Every time I read your blog I feel like a big fat slacker ’cause you’re on the beach or traveling or taking Bug for walks.
And girl, I hate to break it to you, but you are HOT. Smokin’ even.
I could write volumes about sleep apnea (Dave has it), but instead of putting it here, you can always e-mail me if you want to talk about it. ;)
okay, so I don’t like any of the options for your poll…so I’m leaving a comment. YES, blog about it. It will give you more motivation to stick to a healthier lifestyle when you have to fess up to how you are doing. I’m trying to eat healthier too–love the idea of the raw diet, but I feel its just not possible to do all the time. But a raw meal once a day and raw snacks throughout the day sound good to me! Thats my goal. Good luck! (and keep the blogs coming!) :)
You look great! I think any woman over 30 who weights under 150 should deserves a gold medal. Do blog about this, I hope we can all be there to rally around you. How about asking us for recipes to help each other? We could help you (and the rest of us) expand on (y)our recipe collection. Please keep us posted so we don’t get worried.
You should ask you doctor for a sleep test. I had one. They put you in a special hotel room with a guy monitoring you with equipment as you sleep, so then you should know for sure if you have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea usually come from obstruction because of weight. You are far from being overweight, so I doubt that you have sleep apnea.
I have a similar situation with my 3 year old–lots of the fun treats, easy cooking etc. are fun and OK for her and really deadly for me in terms of weight loss/mgmt. This not helped by the slow dawdle that is a 3 year old doing anything. I will be wishing you good luck in your pursiot of weight loss and fitness, it’s hard to find the time, but I know we can do it!
I really wanted “none of the above” because I really like to hear about what you want to tell me about – the more passionate you are about what you write the better one’s writing is!
So lay it on us, Brenda.
Are there any mother/daughter dance classes/aerobics classes that you could take with Bug that would allow to get some sweat it when you’re with her and then on the days she goes to school you can go for a run?
I am quite shocked that your Dr recommended you lose weight. 140 pounds on a 5’6 frame (I remember this from a previous post) does not seem to be over weight in my mind. Maybe this a preemptive strike though if you’ve told her your family tend to put on weight easily? Hey, if your going on a heath kick I promise to lay off the wine gum’s and chocolate in support as I have a bad habit of nibbling (read scoffing) in the afternoon if I’m working on something difficult. I also scoff bits of bread and stuff in the evening while I cook which I think is a source of extra calories, which I also should stop.
I agree it must be hard to find the time to exercise when your are looking after bug in the day and working freelance at night. Is there a local gym where you could do an exercise class once or twice a week which also has a creche attached?
I’m all for you blogging about it. It may help you and it may inspire others.
Here’s a stupid question (I think): how’s the cycling culture round your way? Bug’s probably just about old enough to ride a trailerbike. Not really an option if the roads are car-exclusive in attitude though.
My Mom says I used to “do” yoga with her.
Dude! You crack me up! So did the voting poll thing, that is a hoot!
Anyway, I am in the same boat as you with the weight, It just didn’t come off this time and it is blowing!
I am the same weight as you….I think. A little over 130…well 135. But I am shorter, 5,3. So waaaay fatter! Ha, beat ya at the fat butt bet for sure now!
I have never been here before! I HAVE to lose 20 lbs to be back in my clothes.
Getting dressed in the morning is frustrating and ugly!
I have three shirts and a few dresses, one pair of jeans and a few yoga pants that don’t hurt.
I’ll ride this wave with ya!
Um, wait a minute, hold up here!!!! 140 pounds is now considered a PROBLEM?!! (unless you’re like 4’6” or shorter I seriously cannot believe this cr*p). Come on now doc! What the heckkkkkkkkk?! Seriously, you look really dang good. Like, really good! In that pink tank and those spandex pants you could be a poster child for the HEALTHY MOMMY! Seriously. Pleeaaaaaaaase! Please look in the mirror and smile today! You’re a beautiful, healthy, vibrant woman. Embrace it so that your daughter will see you and model the self-accepting (not self-loathing) of a self-confident and empowered woman. [I am a college professor and literally surrounded by young women with eating disorders and disordered-self-image… we’ve got a serious problem on our hands with this — don’t let your daughter fall into that trap. No kidding- in my opinion, when you look like you do, it is waaay more important for Bug to see you eat a Rice Krispie Treat with ease and no-guilt than for her to see you exercise.]
On another note- a friend turned me on to your blog recently and I very quickly became a regular reader. Love it! Thanks for blogging.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while… I love how down-to-earth you are. Anyway, I just had baby #3 and I was about 20 lbs heavier than I was before kids. I joined a ‘fitness challenge’ that my family was doing. We commited to a number of workouts each week (and a $ amount if we don’t follow through) and a weight loss goal (and a $ amount if we don’t reach it). It’s been TOTALLY motivating. I’m exercising 5-6 times a week (I haven’t exercised since college!) and eating way healthier.
As far as the kids – sometimes I have to workout at night when they are in bed (boo!) but other times I try to do it first thing in the morning, once I set them up with breakfast. I do videos that are ‘on demand’ (Jillian Michaels is awesome for quick, hard workouts!) and the kids like it because they know they can watch a video when I take a shower!
It’s hard to do, but once you start seeing results you’ll be hooked – AND feel guilty if you don’t exercise! I feel so much better about my body now. I’ve been doing it for about 12 weeks and I have lost 14 lbs!! WOOHOO!
Please share, I think you’ll find alot of support and encouragement from your readers. We’re all rooting for you!
Sonja von Franck
I think you look great too, but healthy habits are always good and if you’re not feeling good, maybe a change would do you good! Did I say “good” enough times? :-) Anyways, you’re always an inspiration and now that I’ve had my baby, I’d love a little inspiration! I was just up late the other night and caught that P90X fitness DVD infomercial and in a state of bleary insomnia, was completely mesmerized at the thought of being in shape again. Share!!
Yes, share. I like this post not just because it is relevant but because it’s about you! Don’t get me wrong, I dig Toby and Bug and I know what a big part of your life Bug is. But the reason I started reading this blog is because it was written by and about my, longtime friend Brenda. So I think it’s great that you are sharing a Brenda story.
What’s weird is that I too started kicking it up a notch on Monday 7/20. I’m tired of being 15 lbs overweight. People tell me, hey, you workout, you’re mister active. True but I’m an eater – I love to eat. And we all know at the root of it, it’s simple, if you don’t burn more than you consume, you’re heading the wrong direction. So I’ll keep working out but my big change is portion control. Eating small, all the time. Not starving but it’s ok to feel hungry now and then.
I wish you well and hope you do the same for me. – Oh yeh, thanks again for sharing!
The Chatty Housewife
Ha ha, so far two people want you to shut up and die? I can’t help but laugh at all those poll options!!!!
I’m in the same 37 year old boat. It’s so much harder to loose than it was 10 years ago. I was going to the YMCA on a regular basis, but lately I’ve been doing AE Active on the Wii at home. I love that thing. It’s like my own personal trainer. I put my baby in his jumper, then we jump together.
My biggest problem is that I work grave yard shifts and end up eating at times when I shouldn’t. Like the french fries I just had at 2 am. Not good.
BTW, you look great! I know it’s not about looks. but about being healthy, but you’ve got a great start. You don’t have too much to loose. 10 lbs is nothing compared to most. You can do it and we’ll be here to cheer you on.
Hey, here’s an idea — maybe try a balance bike for Bug. She’s definitely old enough, and if she gets into it it would be a way to encourage physical activity for her while also speeding up the pace for you on your walks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36LH5Afb4nk
We just got one for our son, and it took him a couple of weeks to get really fast, but now it’s better at keeping him going in the same direction than the stroller. And soon I’m going to need to start jogging to keep up with him.
Have you ever tried crew? I do crew (and I’m at the same weight as you are), and I lost a ton of weight when I started. (However, I am a High Schooler, so that might be part of it) I suggest you try it! There might be a group near you that works out of a park where Bug can play.