I’m feeling better already, of course. I shouldn’t blog about these sad times because they always pass and usually pretty quickly. I don’t suffer from depression. I don’t even think I’m mentally ill! (Ha ha! Stop laughing.) I’m just moody. That’s what my mom used to always say anyway. My downs always follow highs and then…looptiloo, I’m looping right back into a high again. Which is great really because my highs are full creativity and they make me very very happy. Even though it might sound like it, I don’t think I’m bi-polar either. I’m just moody and I need to learn to keep it to myself.
Surprisingly, I did keep my sad fog to myself pretty well today (besides telling all you guys of course). Earlier, I turned around from my perch at the breakfast bar counter (aka my desk) and told Toby (who is sitting on the couch watching some incredibly boring show on PBS) that I loved him. Just out of the blue to, you know, keep him on his toes.
He says, “Why? What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say something nice because I’ve been feeling crappy all day and I’m just so happy that I’m not feeling yucky anymore.”
He gets this stricken worried look and says, “You were feeling unhappy today?” He’s thinking, uh oh… I did something wrong and now I’m going to have to sit here and listen to her hash it all out for the next two hours…
Of course I waved him off. He didn’t do anything wrong. There’s no explaining “sad fogs” to Toby. They make no sense to him. Which is fine. I’d rather keep this to myself and my internet friends.
And then I cooked dinner.
Stir fry. I’m sorry to any of my vegetarian friends. I’m sorry I had to show you that dead animal right there.
I wanted to be brilliant and write a funny blog post about how Baby Bug is such a girly-girl these days, what with her twirling and wearing a tutu and all the adorable things she does all day long but then I woke up with this horrible sad fog on my brain and it just won’t leave. Why! Why do I do this somedays? And more importantly why am I blogging about it?
Usually the sad fog stems from some little hurt feeling somewhere and all I need to do is find that hurt feeling, give it a swift flick in the ass and move on. But I can’t find the hurt feeling. Sure, little things have happened here and there… like a client didn’t like the logo I made, I’ve almost gained all my gallbladder sickness weight back (ugh. so hate self right now), someone I was expecting an email from didn’t email me back yet, just stuff. Just riff raff in my head like junk in the trunk.
I think I just need to watch a sad movie or something and get the cry out already. I hate it when I’m like this. If I wasn’t a mom I would take myself out to a movie and cry it out in the dark all by myself. I can’t cry around the baby. Besides crying is for wimps and I have bigger and better things to do today. Like my Aunt always said, “Being sad is a luxury you can’t afford.” Plah. Like everything else I can’t afford.
So I’m hoping that I can just share a little here and move on. I also want to say hello and thank you for all the nice comments about my little paintings in the last post. I’m feeling much better about them. I had some super super super cute pictures of baby bug in her tutu to show you but her Daddy decided that the whole internet doesn’t need to see Baby Bug shirtless. So, I’m sorry. You’ll just have to imagine her adorableness.