Bug,  Life Lessons,  Moody Blues

Spit Happens

I’ve always been a worry wart so I should not be at all surprised how wracked with worry I am now. It’s almost as if I always need to have a certain level of stress to be myself. If there’s nothing to stress about, I make things to stress about.

Yesterday I got into a little fight with Toby because I was all worked up over the fact that we were out of broccoli. Broccoli! And lettuce, butter, cream and breast pads and whatever I was going to cook for dinner for the next week or so….but the point of contention was broccoli. As if the world is going to stop if I don’t get my salad with broccoli in it every day. I think the reason I get worked up about these things is that I’ve had the last year to run my house exactly the way I want to. If we were out of something, I hopped in my car and went and got it. I was Holly Hobby Happy Homemaker stressing about other things like when was the baby’s room going to get done and how was I going to plan the perfect baby shower. But now things have gotten a little more complicated. Now we throw a baby into the mix.

Here is a little look inside my very small head:

We have no food! There’s nothing in the freezer! There’s nothing in the fridge! There’s nothing in the pantry. I guess there’s soup. But who wants to eat soup! What will I do! Toby will be mad if I don’t cook dinner. He doesn’t want me to bother him with these things while he is working but what am I going to do? What to do! What to do! What to do!

We have no money in our checking account right now (nothing to worry about just a timing issue of checks coming in late… common when you run your own business) AND Toby won’t let me take Baby Bug in my car because he thinks it isn’t safe. (We are getting a new car but not for a few months, when those big checks come in) This is wrecking havoc on my life. I can’t go to the store because I can’t drive my unsafe car with the baby in it. I can’t leave the baby because I am breast feeding and Toby has the most stressful job in the world and he can’t handle a hungry crying baby when he’s dealing with his hungry crying clients. What to do!

Round and round and round I go fretting about what to make for dinner! How stupid is this? I’m having the same level of stress I used to have at my corporate job when I’d had ten jobs lined up with due dates looming, my phone ringing off the hook, dumb meetings that wasted my time and sales people salivating at my door. I can feel the old ache in my shoulders, the pinch in my neck, the pain running down my arm through my elbow and into my hand. What is wrong with me! I’m getting all worked up over broccoli?!!!

Well of course it isn’t just that. There’s that blurb I read in my “What to Expect in the First Year” about not using a pacifier as a crutch and now I’m worrying every time Baby Bug fusses whether or not I should stick the plug in her mouth because that’s what she really really wants. She won’t take my boob unless she’s super hungry and she turns into badger baby if I force her. The only thing that seems to calm her down is the pacifier. Does she have nipple confusion? Should I call the doctor?

And then what about her spots? Is it really just normal baby acne if it’s all over the back of her head? Pimples have sprouted out of almost every single pore in her cheeks, neck and head. Could it be a milk allergy? Heat rash? Maybe the breast milk that squirts all over her is clogging her pores and I should wash her face more often. But washing her too much in this dry winter air might dry out and irritate her skin? And then there’s her diaper rash that just won’t go away no matter what kind of cream I use. What should I do!!! Call the doctor? Make an appointment to go back to the house of horrors and germs? The doctor said not to call unless she had a fever. She has no fever.

The only one getting a fever is me getting all worked up about every little thing.

When I try and discuss my million and one worries with Toby, he gets very exasperated with me very quickly. It’s tough having your office in your home. I have to remember that even though he’s just down the hall, he’s at work. His job is very stressful. He’s doing everything he can to make it so that I can stay home and be a mom. It’s nearly impossible to live where we live on a single income. There’s a reason we don’t own a home yet.

I have to imagine that even though his door is open, he’s at work. His desk and office floor are covered in piles and piles of papers and magazines. Projects teeter upon projects, his phone rings constantly, his computer is buzzing and whirring as he applies filter after filter to the images from his latest shoot. He cusses and swears when he loses his internet connection for the fifth time today. I can see his schedule is covered with scribbles of appointments and meetings and photo shoots. His billing hasn’t been done for months… everything is just chaos. The last thing Toby needs right now (or ever really) is me whining and complaining that we don’t have any broccoli in the house and as a breast feeding mother I need my green vegetables.

I have none of this in perspective and I whine and complain anyway. Toby just looks at me and tells me that I’m doing everything just fine. Just fine?!!! Every thihg is just fine?

I know on some level I am doing fine… it’s just so hard for me to digest that. How can I be doing just fine when I have so many problems circling around in my head? I have to look back and remember how worried and stressed I was in the first few days when my milk wasn’t coming in and I was so afraid that Baby Bug was going to starve to death. I have to remember that it was important that I worried and stressed back then. It is because I attempted to nurse around the clock that my milk did finally come in and in great abundance. Even though I thought I was a wreck, I was just being a good mom.

Someday after this passes, I’ll realize that I’m doing okay. It just doesn’t feel like it right now.


  • mar

    First off, if you have any concerns about Baby Bug, you should just call the doctor. You’re a first time mom – they expect you to call! So, get your money’s worth! Worrying is wasted energy (and I should know – I’m a first class worrier!), so save at least that portion and just call and find out. (Aside – I don’t think you’re doing this, but don’t bathe her too often – although it seems counter-intuitive, the oils in their skin actually can help them out). Do that, and you can cross one thing of your worry list.

    Second, maybe you can work out some sort of a schedule with either Toby, your mom, or Toby’s mom so that once a week, you can go out for 2 hours and do your shopping. I know Toby’s job is stressful, but so is yours. And we’re not saying 2 hours a day, just 2 a week. It would be good for all of you (Toby, Baby Bug and you!) for Toby to have some one on one time. I know it’s hard, but at least you’ll have a target time of when you’ll be able to shop, and can plan around that. I was never much for meal planning before I had kids too, but it might be time to do it for now – at least until you get your new wheels. If you can plan for at least a few, again, it will help decrease some of your stress. I don’t know if you can do this, but I found it helpful in the first few weeks to make a double portion of whatever it was I was cooking – then either freeze the other portion, or just save it for a few days and have it again. Leftovers are a mothers best friend!

    Think about a bottle too – do you have a breast pump? Again, it might be stressful at first, but if you are able to pump and leave a bottle or two in the freezer as an “emergency”, it would leave you some options!

    And although I’m a researcher and book reader myself, as a two-time parent, I say throw out the What To Expect book. There are better ones out there. What To Expect is filled with a lot of absolutes – “Always do this” or “Never do that” – and as I’m sure you’re learning already, very little about babies comes with an “always” or “never” tag. I know it’s helpful to get ideas from it, but if you read, don’t consider it a bible – just another source for some possible suggestions.

    Like I said, I’m a world class worrier – I worry about worrying! I know that telling you not to worry isn’t going to help (it doesn’t with me, that’s for sure!) And your hormones are still settling back into their normal routines, so make sure you cut yourself some slack there too. If you can make some plans and be a little pro-active, maybe you can cross a few things off your “stress” list and feel a little better!

  • Idachick

    Hey there! I am de-lurking for the first time (I found your site via Susie Sunshine and have been reading since about December-ish) and just wanted to tell you…take a deep breath!!!

    I thought that I might mention that the association that does research on SIDS (can’t think of the name of the group right off of the top of my head) has recently come out and made a statement that pacifiers are good for babies in preventing SIDS…something about the pacifier being in their mouth reminds their body that they need to breath. So one less thing to worry about :)…

    I can only imagine how turned upside-down life is for you right now (and preparing to do the very same myself for the first time in July) and I totally identify with the everything rushing in and smothering you feeling. I know we only see a small portion of your life via your website, but from what I’ve seen, baby bug looks happy and healthy (so cute!!!) and you look happy and healthy…so life is good!!! Keep up the good work and don’t stress too much (easier said than done, I know :))

  • mar

    BTW, if your doctor says don’t call unless she has a fever, I say find another doctor. At least find out if the office has a physician assistant or someone else you direct your questions to! It seems very unreasonable to me that you shouldn’t call for what could be very real concerns – esp. diaper rash, it can make them cranky.

    If you can, leave her butt exposed sometimes – even if it’s just 5 minutes 3-4 times a day. The air often helps the rash. Switch diaper brands, make sure you use fragrance free everything, try cloth, use a different cream – you never know what can trigger it. Some babies just get it – if it cracks or bleeds, take her to the doctor.

    Wow, I’m full of assvice this morning, eh? I guess I just identify with what you’re going through, and want you to learn from my mistakes! Yes, you are right – this too shall pass!

  • Julie

    Hi, Josephine
    I’ve never replied before, just lurked. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog, seeing all the creative stuff you do, and reading about Bug, Toby and all your family. I am due around July 4th with my first baby at 37. I look to your blog as an example of how life will be when this baby gets born. I used to work as a nanny for many years.

    Is there any way you can get some of your friends in the area to help you out? For example call and ask them if they are going to the store could they pick up X, Y, Z and bring it over for you? Or can your mom come over and help you with the baby while you and Toby catch up on billing (so you can get your car)? Just some ideas. Hope you don’t think I’m a know it all.

  • rachel

    i think pacifier use in infants is so often discouraged because the professionals want to make sure a pacifier isn’t used in place of nutrition. if she’s growing and she doesn’t want to nurse then she sounds like the millions and millions of babies who take to pacifiers and go on to be perfectly wonderful teenage girls who mock their mother’s fashion choices.

  • american girl

    Amen to what Rachel said…my little girl has had a pacifier since two weeks because she just wanted to suck and suck and suck and just fussed forever, especially at night when she should have been sleeping. We new moms need a little bit of peace and quiet at times to maintain our sanity!! She’s actually less dependent on it now to go to sleep, although she still likes it during the day. I had the same guilty feelings about it, but as I saw that she was still nursing well and growing, I decided to ignore that section of “What to Expect”. As Mar said, babies don’t come with “always” or “never” tags.

    As for the food worries…we are in the same boat!! My husband works for himself, and it is a struggle at times to remember that although he’s just in his office upstairs, he really is AT WORK and doesn’t need me bugging him. Can you call on a friend, your mom, or sister-in-law to help out with the groceries?

    I think you’re doing a wonderful job, and I hope you realize that, too!!

  • Laura

    I heard that breast milk can cure a lot of baby ailments! I would say rub breast milk on her skin! Maybe it helps! Worth a shot I think!

    Is there a store within walking distance that you can take her in the stroller during a nap to do your shopping? I don’t even have a car and I either take my son on a bike or in the stroller and just get enough for 2 days each time. it works quite well but then again, here in Holland stores have to be within walking distance for everyone. If I could go get you your broccoli, I would!

    About the pacifier.. I say give it to her! I dont’ think you’ll raise a freak if you use one! You’ll just get some sanity back!

  • Dana

    Meh, pacifiers are not a big deal, some babies really need them, some don’t. Only one child of ours has wanted one past the age of six months, and she kept hers until she was three, when the “maggie fairies” came and took them all away and left a gift in exchange.

    Skin conditions are a bit trickier, and we totally feel your pain on this one, considering we have four kids so far with varying levels of skin distress (the fifth is yet to develop something we can put cream on, she only has a cute little birthmark her boyfriends had better never see).

    Oatmeal baths are soothing (1 cup oatmeal, blender, dump in bath, soak baby), and so are simple oils, like jojoba, sesame, or olive. Get expeller pressed if you can at your grocery (and in CA, I would bet you can), and just rub a teaspoon or two into her skin a few times a day.

    Other than that, I would ditch the book that you are reading. It is a horrible and misleading manual for baby care! Pages and pages of guilt trips and useless information. Try this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385483627/103-5368289-7454219?v=glance&n=283155
    Or this: https://www.naturalfamilyboutique.com/Shop/Products/8409.aspx

    Toby might feel better about the car if you remind him that it was perfectly fine for you to ride around it it with her inside you prior to her birth.

    Good luck! You can MSN me at fertileresistance@hotmail.com if you want to chat…just keep in mind the time difference, we are three hours ahead of you and I probably won’t know if you IM me at 3AM (although I might if I am especially insomniatic).

    You (and bug) will be just fine, I promise. It all comes in good time. :)

  • Annika

    She is a month old. You can’t spoil her, or make her dependent on anything. Give her the pacifier if it pacifies her! Throw away “What To Expect” – you have mommy instincts for a reason. No one can tell you how to raise her better than you already know. And you have internet friends for suggestions on specifics.

    I don’t know anything about baby acne. I do know – and I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear – that using disposable diapers increases the risk of diaper rash. If you can, maybe use some of those cloth diapers for a few days and see if it makes a difference. You’ll need waterproof covers, either the plastic ones or wool knit pants. I’ve been recommended Burt’s Bees diaper cream, which is supposed to be gentler than the medicated stuff.

    I know I am just some crazy person inside your computer, but I am only an hour away. Maybe I can help you out somehow. You just have to ask.

  • Sharon

    Oh! You sound so like me when I had my first baby, a daughter. I never knew I was such a worry wort until I gave birth. My daughter had baby acne too and it just had to run it’s course. Personally I think nost diaper rash improves with some diaperless time – a towel over a rubber sheet preferrably in a nice patch of sunshine through a window. If your car is safe enough for you it should be for baby as well. I would ditch that book (What to Expect…) If you really want a book have a look at the Baby Whisperer – very laid back and doesn’t preach any one method for any one baby and a good reminder that you and your husband are important too!

    Take care, take a deep and let go of some of the worry. Everything’s fine and gets easier all the time – especially at 6 weeks.

    All the best,

    PS If I could do it, you definitely can!!

  • mipmup

    it seems like you should be able to talk about the challenges you’re facing with your husband. you’re not in this alone!

    (could you walk to the store/farmers’ market?)

  • Beck's Mom

    My pediatritian claimed that bare butts don’t get diaper rash.

    Post-partum cabin fever? Is there a walk-to-able mom’s group to join? A weekly hour or two with in-the-flesh fellow moms out of doors in the sunshine – for tears, hugs, laughs, and comraderie?

  • josephine

    Things are better. I did take the bugaboo to the market and bought broccoli and breast pads and a few other things that I could fit in the stroller. I might keep doing that. I do enjoy the walk.

    Not to be making excuses but it’s hard for me to talk to Toby because we keep such bizarre hours. I’m up from 4:30 am and go to bed at 8:30pm… due to baby and I’m a natural morning person. He stays up working until 4,5 or 6 in the morning and then crashes until about noon. From noon on he’s putting out fires from all the phone calls that came in while he was asleep. Even though we pass each other in the hall constantly, it’s difficult for me to communicate with him–add to that my tendancy to bottle things up and then explode with irrationality. I’m working on it. He’s working on it but it’s hard!

  • Valerie

    I am agreeing w/everyone else on the throwing away of that baby book. I emailed you before about my 3 mo. old who is breastfeeding – she also uses a pacifier, especially when she is trying to fall asleep because she wants to fall asleep w/a nipple in her mouth, and that makes me sore. The pacifier works great in it’s place. She also uses a bottle w/expressed milk when I need some mama time to myself and I leave the house. She still nurses great with both of these alternate nipples. I have only experienced a really bad rash once, and what I did that worked was to let her sleep with no diaper (messy, but everything cleans)stop using regular baby wipes (nothing w/soap) and use a washcloth with warm water, and religiously using butt cream. I think I was using A and D ointment. It cleared up in about a day and a half. It really needed to dry out. If you are interested in some cloth, Riley has outgrown some of hers and I could mail you some. I have some nice fitted’s.

  • Sarcastic Journalist

    We have the baby acne as well. Same as yours. It will go away.

    ALSO: DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT DAMN BOOK. PUT THE BOOK DOWN. You are the parent and you will know what is best.

    Don’t second guess yourself, you are doing great!

  • Karen

    B- This is a very stressful time, but you are doing just fine. Give Baby bug the pacifier. If she likes it well then there is peace – for all of you. Both my kids had/have one and for my oldest it wasnt hard breaking him out of it. He stopped at age two.

    Throw away the book, it’s interesting and all but motherhood is all in your instincts. Don’t get sucked in by them.

    If you need someone to talk to when your stressing, call me, I’m home and still going through the baby stages. It’s always nice to talk to someone who is going through it at the same time.

  • Captain Mom

    From Baby Bug, maybe…

    Hey, Mom. You can chill. I realize it’s not easy, being I’m so new and all, and you want to do everything so right, and of course, because you’re a good woman. You will be my very good mom, even if you make a few oopsies. All I’ll remember is how you love me. Hold me. Nourish me and make me safe. And if you think I could use a pacifier, I have probably figured out by now where the good stuff comes from. I’ve heard other babies really get a kick our of pacies, and use their mom’s nipples less often, cause they can suck suck suck on that little bit of plastic. If you’re still worried thought, you could wait another week or so. I’ve also heard after about 6 weeks of solid nursing, nipple confusion shouldn’t really be an option. Your choice. You’re the mom. Oh yeah. You know that. That’s why you’re stressing. You know what else? I know your smell from any other substitute nipple. And all that other stuff with Dad, and work, and billings? At the end of the day, it’s all about the 3 of us. Even if you don’t get your broccoli. Although, I also understand that’s a perfectly normal and acceptable way to feel about it, seeing as how now you’re solely responsible for the nutrition of another human being. Me. But one day, or 2, it’s OK, Mom. Really.

    I also see what the Sarcastic Journalist says, Mom. And it seems to me, she makes sense. I’ve heard other babies talk about how stressed those books make their moms. Can’t be a good thing. You had ME. Those books talk about babies in general. You are MY mom. You will get this all figured out. We will be great together. And in a few months even, you’ll be laughing at yourself. Do you need to get out, Mom? Sure you do. Can you nurse me, then go, and come back say, within 2 hours? That way, even if I fret, you’ll know I’m not starving. There could be a window in there, in the beginning, that will definitely get wider as my tummy grows and I can hold more at one time. Daddy and I can hack it. We’ll rock. You grocery. Take a walk. Talk to an adult. It won’t hurt my feelings. Just pull that nipple out when you get back and I’ll be dandy. Just don’t be gone TOO long.

    All in all mom, what I’m hearing is normal. And we’re doing great. And that Doc gets paid to take any phone calls you want to give him. So if it makes you feel better, do it. But my acne? It’ll pass. It happens ALL the time. And probably not because of anything you’ve eaten. I’m just real new out here. We’re going to be fantastic. And you’ll get more at ease with this. And in the meantime, I won’t break. Together, we’ll get from here to there, and poof! You won’t be a newbie anymore. And it also seems to me that there are an awful lot of women that can help put you at ease, if you’ll keep opening up. You are not alone with me, or with me and Daddy.

    You are a great mom, Mom. And I’m glad you’re mine.
    Baby Bug

  • giddybug

    Give Baby Bug the pacifier. She knows what she needs if she’s taking the breast when she’s hungry and acting like Badger Baby when she’s not. She doesn’t have nipple confusion unless she’s giving you sore nipples from poor latch or refusing your breast even when she is hungry.

    I also want to agree with whoever it was above who said to ditch that pediatrician if they actually said not to call unless the Bug has a fever. That’s not the mark of a pediatrician who’s going to be there whenever you need them. Part of a pediatrician’s job is to reassure new parents who are freaking out over nothing: sometimes it’s not nothing, but even when it is (as is usual) the parents need to be reassured so they can go on about the business of parenting and learn to trust their instincts.

    Sorry if this is more assvice than you wanted, but I hate to see a fellow mom stressed when she needn’t be. Mothering an infant is all about survival.

  • Matthew Miller

    The “What To Expect” books are good, but they are also written in a way that can really fuel someone who is inclined to worry about things. So other people’s advice about throwing it away may not be so far off. :)

  • Aunt Janet

    Oh, those were the days! Some magic “cures” that worked for your cousins: The baby acne was so bad that I hated to take them out in public. People would actually ask what was wrong with them, especially with Nicki. It magically appeared at 2 weeks and just as magically disappeared at 2 months. So you have just three weeks to go? The diaper rash was bad for Nicki, too. Even got bloody. (Her skin is still sensitive) I could tell from across the room when she urinated ’cause of her gasps. (Of course those were before disposable diapers were common. They leaked awfully and were so perfumed that any kid would react. They were only good for trips.) The cure was to double rinse the cloth diapers in the machine and to put a cup of white vinegar in the last spin cycle. Don’t rinse it out. I was skeptical as all get out but it worked overnight! Something about balancing the pH. I don’t know how you do it, but I could not have survived without my washer and dryer. I suppose you could put some vinegar in a spray bottle and mist a little on the diaper before you put it on her. Smells kind of funny but it worked so well that I am still amazed 30 years later.

  • Sistina

    E had acne at 2 weeks. It looked horrible but it went away.
    I’ve also been battling diaper rash for the first time this week. I started using a blow dryer (on cool) to dry her bottom at almost every diaper change. Then I put on A & D ointment. The vasoline like stuff. The creams make everything seem dirty. It cleared it up in 2 days. If the skin is wet at all when the cream or ointment goes on, you’re just sealing in the moisture and making it worse.
    You’re entitled to freak out. I know I do. Almost daily. We’ll get the hang of it.
    There are much worse parents out there. See my local news: http://www.wtvr.com/Global/story.asp?S=4543796
    That idiot let his kid try to pet a bear. A actual freakin bear.

  • Anna

    Sounds to me like you are doing a great job! I couldn’t imagine my Hubby working from home while I was running around the house with our little guy, hats off to you two. Good to hear you have a market close, I for one wouldn’t have survived without my car, but I live in colder climates ;).

    I also agree with everyone on throwing away the “What to expect” book, it appears to scare the crap out of everyone! My guy took a soother and I had to use it when he was two days old, he just didn’t want to stop eating and frankly my boobs needed a break. He gave it up for good around 7months, switched to his two fingers and still loves them, not sure how to wean him off of those.

    As for the acne, it too will go, try a different cleanser or maybe even laundry soap. But, it will be gone before you know it, we had it for a bit, it would go away at night and come back during the day, only lasted a month and a half.

    You guys look great in your photo!!

  • Heidi

    It’s sounds like you are a normal mom with a newborn. I was in my own worry-mode this time last year.

    Bag Balm has been my saving grace when it comes to clearing up bad diaper rash. Now we use it to prevent it.

  • Danielle

    Hi! I love your site, and just had to add – my baby bug loves his paci! He sleeps with one in his mouth and one in his hand for backup! You are doing a great job! I know just what you mean about hubby working at home, it is so hard – my little guy bangs on his daddy’s office door whenever he gets away from me, it is such a challenge – but we do the best we can, that is all you can do.
    Hang in there and keep your head up….one day at a time!

  • PhC

    It seems like a lot would be solved if you had a car you could use. Can you use Toby’s for a run to the store? It can’t be that far- even in bad condition, I’m sure yours would make it.

    But glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. It’s probably going to be up and down for awhile (based on no experience, just “what I hear”).

  • Amy

    Mar said it best. Both you and Toby have extremely stressful positions right now. Scheduling some time where he can take care of the bug is only right. As for the pacifier nonsense, FORGET IT! Pop that thing in anytime she wants it. If it means a few moments peace for you it is completely worth it my dear.

    The first months are excruciatingly hard first time around. If the babe is still alive and growing you are doing WELL :) Be good to yourself ok? You are doing wonderfully!

  • Amy

    Oh, as for the diaper rash… Now that you have good heat just place her on top of a diaper, cover her with a blanket and let the area get some air as much as possible during the day. Works far better than any cream or potion. My son had dreadfully awful (and I assume painful) diaper rash the second month of his life. Air worked wonders.

  • jo

    Those early days are stressful, just remember to listen to all the good advice given here and trust your instincts – every bub is different and very few of them are ‘by the book’. On diaper rash – don’t know if you can get it in the states but before my girl was born everybody swore by pawpaw ointment. We used cloth nappies (diapers) and she did get a few bouts of nappy rash but the pawpaw (papaya) ointment cleared it right up. You might find it in a health food store, but it might just be an Aus thing – I’d be happy to send you are jar if you wanted one, just let me know. On the shopping front – can you get a box of mixed fruit and veg delivered once a week? It takes away a lot of stress.

  • Captain Mom

    One more thing, not that you asked me…have you tried the Lansinoh on her bum? The same cream that can save your nipples is also awesome for diaper rash, chapped lips, rough, dry skin, and even got the stain from our new cabinets out from under my mom’s finger nails. It rocks. Just a thought.

  • Aunt Jaynette

    Aren’t those Ponnay boys a challenge. Brion has about 10 sentences in him a day. When he walks in at night I get 5 to 10 minutes and shoo the kids away. He doesn’t have a lot to say so I listen when he has something to say. He is the smartest guy I know.
    Get a supply of Binkies. Brion was okay is I left for an hour or so as long as he had a bottle in the fridge and a Binky. With Mitchell I think I bought one everytime I went to the store. I think the cat was hiding them.
    Another thing…Toby can feed himself. YOU have two people you have to take care of. If he is anything like his brother he really only eats when he’s hungry and that is seldon. I don’t know how many times I have slaved over a meal and he doesn’t eat it until 9pm, (we ate at 6pm) if he eats at all.
    And why can’t you drive that red van of his?
    Oh those Ponnay boys!!!

  • Shelley

    Safeway.com is a new mom’s best friend! They will deliver your groceries and put them on your kitchen table. They probably have an affiliate in your area, like Vons or Pavilion.

    You could also see if there are any companies in your area that deliver boxes of of organic produce. Good for you for eating so healthy!

  • stefanie

    oh.. this brings back so many memories….. from yesterday… We have no food either.. My husband works 7 days a week & evenings too… I can’t go to the grocery store because with 3 babies in a huge STRETCH stroller leaves no room for “groceries”.. Ahhhhhhhh motherhood.. Take a deep breath.. Paci’s are not bad and like someone else said there is new evidence to support that they are indeed good!! As for the diaper rash.. like everyone else said.. Fresh air.. as much as you can do! I swear by desitin and have tried them all, however, mine are formula fed and that might change things a little!! I have a friend who uses Lansinoh “everything” wipes, cream and never has diaper rash! You are doing great and from all the pics.. Baby bug is juicy & healthy and so lucky to have you as her Mom!!

  • comfortabltcrazy

    I loved the “What To Expect” books. I found them very informative, but as everyone else said, babies don’t work with always and never. Look at the book as an information guide more than a rule book.

    With pacifiers, some kids love them, some kids hate them , some can take it or leave it. If it works use it, it’s not going to hurt her. She spent her entire nap with it in her mouth when you went shopping. And we both know she wasn’t hungry. It’s just comforting for her to suck.

    As for the pediatrician, get a new one if they don’t want you calling and asking questions. I called Rapunzel’s at least twice a week for the first few weeks. Partially because she was vomiting and was still juandiced, and partly because I didn’t know what I was doing. Or so I thought. Take baby bug in to get her skin looked at, but it’s probably not eczema if she doesn’t have patches anywhere else. Try using cornstarch on the bloody and oozing spots of the diaper rash. This will allow the area to dry. And if it hasn’t cleared up since we were in last time, get her to the doctor asap. The open sores can develop a yeast infection, which is no fun. (It also makes you feel like a horrible mommy, I remember).

    Now as for the groceries, Mom says Albertson’s allows you to go online and order groceries. Also found safeway.com, there is also http://www.peapod.com but they don’t deliver in your area, not even sure if they deliver in Ca.

    You’re doing a great job. It’s not easy adjusting to life with a baby. And I agree until Toby gets you a new car, he should either A) watch baby bug for at least an hour everyday, even if its just so you can shower and not worry if she starts crying; B) watch baby bug so you can go shopping, about two hours a week; or C) let you take her to the store in your car, or his van if need be.

  • cynder

    Don’t have time to read all the comments right now and I know that not everyone agrees with me but THROW AWAY “What to Expect in the First Year”. You seem to have some wonderful parenting resource right here in this blog. I used to bounce things off a message board of women that had parenting threads that was immensely helpful because it was from real moms in the trenches. I am not sure about “What to Expect in the First Year” but I do know that the “What to Expect when Expecting” has some really incorrect information that has been called into question recently and they’ve tried to correct in recent editions. I find that talking to other moms or new moms is the most valuble place to get sound advice. And most of all trust your instinct – it gets like 10 times more on target once you become a parent.

    Like I said, the people here are offering advice that I learned as a first time mome. I had the EXACT same dilemmas about not having the perfect house in order the first few months so these are normal feelings. It’s hard now b/c of the constant nursing but night trips to Target and Walmart while baby bug is sleeping at home can be really refreshing.

    The one and only book I recommend to new parents is “The Happiest Baby on the Block” which states that sucking is a normal reflexive thing for them to do. I never thought we would get rid of the paci but somehow at 5 months he lost all interest in it. The other piece of advice given to me by my pediatrician and fellow new mom – you gotta do what you gotta do to survive the first 3-4 months.

  • momma2mingbu

    Throw away that WTE book. Hate it.
    Follow your baby’s lead. YOU know her best. YOU live with her. The books and doctors aren’t an expert on YOUR baby…..YOU are.

  • Dollymama

    At the risk of saying the same thing other people said….

    I would recommend throwing away the books. Those What to Expect books especially stink. You can follow your heart and what seems reasonable for your child. If you know she’s fed, doesn’t want the breast, and wants a paci, give it to her. You aren’t going to hurt anything.

    Call your doc or an experienced mom if you have questions or concerns. Don’t let them all pile up in your head. And, frankly, I think your doctor is kind of a poop to tell a first time mom not to call unless she has a fever….jeepers. Have some compassion, doc!

    Yes, the spots sound normal and they will go away in due time. Try not to worry about it if possible.

    Your visit to the beach sounds lovely. All that ozone and sea noises…ah! A nice nap indeed! I hope you get to go lots and lots.

    I’ve got six kids and haven’t screwed up any of them yet and mainly I just did what made sense to me. Kids are resillient. even if we follow what a book says, we’re bound to screw up something. Might as well make decisions that you can defend with “I was doing the best I knew to do!” :)

  • pokobelle

    Just remember that Baby Bug never read any of those books :) So she doesnt know what to expect! How could you? :) If you aren’t quite sure if you wanna paci it you can also stick your finger in (you know clean finger) We did our pinkies (palm up) when the bink wasnt available (we call it an ummer) for momentary relief.

    The amount of stress you are putting on yourself right now to keep the baby quiet (if it was anything like mine , my husband also works from home) is unbelieveable and un-needed. Some babies are naturally quiet and some aren’t. Some find ways to calm themselves. Some don’t, each little person is unique and you owe it to yourself to use all the tricks in your Mommy aresenal to do what is right for your family. Do it without guilt.

  • ShooShoo

    I don’t have kids, but worked in an infant-to-school-age daycare for several years. In my experience, cornstarch (never talcum powder, as it can be unhealthy for tiny lungs) works best for rashes.

    I hope you’re not feeling too overwhelmed with all the advice. Since not every baby is the same, you have plenty of new suggestions to try… I’m guessing *something* will work.

    Hang in there Miss Mommy. And don’t be scared to ask friends & family to help relieve some of your burden: By watching Baby Bug here & there, helping you clean &/or shop, etc! ;)

  • Ande

    Okay I know I’m kinda late, but I somehow missed this entry. My grandfather is a doctor. I listen to his advice, to a certain extent. Of course, he believes that breast milk is best. And I did nurse for 7 mos., but in addition, he told me it was perfectly fine to give McKenna cow’s milk at one month old. (Aaahh!!!!!) But, there are just some things that he says that completely make sense. Such as, “Give her the paci, you never see kids going to Kindergarten with pacifiers, but rather, with their thumbs.” At least you can take the paci away at some point. If she picks up on sucking that thumb, you’re doomed.

  • Jamie

    OK…I’m late on piping in. My first daughter did not have baby acne. My second daughter did. My first daughter was a paci addict (FINALLY wrangled it from her greedy little hands after her second birthday…yikes.) My second daughter is a thumb sucker. I’ve found that the best advice is not from books (I especially dislike the “What to Expect” series” but from other moms. You are doing great! Oh, and I absolutely love the beach photos. Sigh…I’m totally landlocked here in TN. Love those baby mugs, too. May have to buy one!