Funny Stories

funny-stories

You might wonder why I’m posting all these pictures of myself, besides the obvious vanity and vexation explanation and there is one! I thought about the olden days when I used to write every day after work. I never really had a plan in mind when I started a post. I just rambled on about whatever, told a few funny stories and that was that. In fact, I remember my sister-in-law commenting that she never knew where I was going to end up from one paragraph to the next and that was actually a compliment! Long live stream-of-consciousness writing! Or drivel, either one.

I do have a funny story though!

I was at Mom 2.0 summit the other day. I didn’t actually go to the convention, I was just there for the Iris awards on Friday night. Alpha mom got nominated. We didn’t win though.  Boo hiss.  I was just there for the getting-dressed-up-and-seeing-friends part. Which was really fun by the way. But that’s not my story.

I got all dressed up in this new red dress that Payam bought me. It’s so pretty, I love it. Trying on twenty dresses under fluorescent light in Nordstrom Rack’s dressing room was an exercise in mental stamina but when I finally did find The Dress, I really really liked it. It’s long enough and form-fitted enough to hide everything I want to hide and show off everything I want to show off. It’s also very bright red and orange. Bug says the pattern is old lady flowers but the style is young lady so I figure that averages out to be just right.

I was running a bit late in leaving so on my way out I grabbed my fancy purse and my regular purse and planned on switching them out when I got there. When I got there however, I found out much to my dismay that they only had valet parking. Arg! I wasn’t ready! I couldn’t drive in my fancy pointy high heels so I was barefoot and scrambling to put on my fancy pointy heels and my purses were all out on display without any switching done. What do I do? What do I do!? Do I stash my big purse under my seat and hope the valet guy won’t steal all my credit cards? Do I take in both purses and pretend it’s a fashion statement? I had to think fast.

I stuffed my fancy purse inside my regular purse (that is actually not that big) and wore it stuffed to maximum capacity and completely non-functional all night long. It was SO not smooth. I was so nervous too which is silly but you know how it is when you’re going to an event that’s fancy and you haven’t seen people in ten years and you’re very nervous about saying the right thing and not looking like you gained the thirty pounds that you actually have gained since the last time you saw them.

Of course nobody noticed my bulging purse that was about to explode and nobody said anything and I pulled it off like I always do but sheesh! Isn’t that how things always go? It’s a good thing my friend Teri had counseled me to get a glass of wine the first thing when I got to the venue. I had called her for coaching because I was nervous about showing up solo. There is nothing worse than going to an event all by yourself with no buddy for back up and meeting people you haven’t seen in a long time. I was so worried that I wouldn’t find anyone and that I’d have to hold up the wall (putting my floral dress to good use I’m sure) all night long.

The funny thing was when I got to the bar and ordered my seventeen dollar drink, the only thing on the menu that I faintly recognized was a French rosé. I’m not usually a rosé drinker. I like malbecs and red blends because they taste nice and they’re not super expensive. They didn’t have anything like that of course.  I see a lot of fancy ladies drinking Rosé on instagram and swooning about it so that’s what I ordered. (It was delicious by the way.) Then when I got into the auditorium where the ceremony was held, a woman in a long flowing maroon dress turned to me and exclaimed, “Is that a French Rosé?!! You are my kind of people! I’m tired of drinking this swill they call champagne!” and then she promptly switched seats and sat next to me. And then over her shoulder I glimpsed that she had about eight thousand followers on Instagram. She was probably a celebrity. Nobody I knew and I didn’t get her name but it was kind of nice that my fumbling bravery and keen sense of survival had brought me classiness by accident.

puppies-posing

In other funny stories: how cute are these puppies learning how to pose? I have lofty ideas that I will train them to sit side by side and face the camera patiently while I photograph them in this exact spot and it will be wonderful to see how they grow and change over the years. What can I say? I like challenges.

All for now.

busy

If you ask me what I’ve been up to lately my eyes will glaze over while my mind struggles to bring up a directory of activities. I know a lot has been going on but I can’t really say what it’s been exactly. Work, kids, puppies…I guess that pretty much sums it up. If you have work, kids and/or puppies you probably understand the glazed over spinny-ball look in my eyes that eternally says, Please hold. You also understand why my eyes have dark circles under them and my yoga leggings are covered in a thin layer of white fur.

puppies1

Payam and I were lamenting the other day that we sure didn’t realize what a ninety-degree-turn the puppies would take our lives.  We knew it would be complicated but really? Really?!! Were things going too well? Did we have to turn it up this much?

Everything good in life takes work. Just like babies, the stages are fleeting and I have to remind myself to appreciate them while they last because someday I’ll be looking at big lazy grown dogs and I’ll pine for the days when they nuzzled my neck with their wet noses and chewed on my hair. One of these days they will not greet me with their whole mouth open.

I really shouldn’t complain because they are both super sweet dogs. Cody is slow and patient and super adorable like a big dopey oaf of a dog. He’s not as quick and crazy as Whiskey, or as emotional, but he’s bigger so when he jumps up he knocks things over and makes a bigger mess.  He loves water and regularly sleeps with his head in his water bowl. His paws are giant and he makes big wet sloshy footprints all over the house. He loves to eat and is ruled supremely by his stomach.

Whiskey on the other hand is a bit emo. He will pout and whine if things don’t go his way. His tail is super expressive. If he’s happy, it flies at full-mast like a flag for everyone to see. He trots along on walks with it stuck straight up in the air like he is king of the world and everything is going his way. But when he’s sad, he puts his nose down and looks up at you through his messy hair just like a punk kid with long bangs. His eyes are strangely human-like (when you can see them) and sometimes it feels like he’s reading your mind and judging you. But then he’ll pop up and run around like a squirrel going batshit crazy and I guess that means he’s forgiven you. He loves games and will taunt and tease Cody until they have a lively brawl going.

We often get mad at Cody for picking on Whiskey because he’s bigger but if you watch them carefully you see that Whiskey actually instigates the play and he fully deserves any take-downs that Cody might give him. Oh puppies…

puppies2

This is all very challenging because they got fixed this week. We were going to do one puppy at a time but then when we realized it might be easier to get it all over with with one fell swoop. Two dogs with cones is better than one dog with a cone when it comes to evening things up.  It’s been a bit like Medieval Times at our house with endless cone-head jousting going on. The poor things.

They have giant lampshades on their heads and no sense of depth perception. They hit things like walls, water bowls, couches, my legs, each other at 100 miles per hour and it’s amazing they have not shattered their cones to smithereens. Cody has cracked his cone on the edge and I have a feeling Whiskey is not too far behind. I can’t believe they have to leave these things on for fourteen days. I’m hoping the vet is like the doctor counting drinks and when they say fourteen days, I’m hoping they really mean seven.

spring2016

Spring is here or it was, I should say. Last week it was really warm and  I took a bunch of photos with flowers.  I have to say I am loving the jobs I’ve been getting lately for photography and styling. I think I will soon be able to ramp it up and buy a professional lens that actually focuses in low light.

bug1

Bug has some sort of stomach virus for a week now. She’s not been able to keep food down since Monday and she’s lost three pounds, which on her is a lot. Her knees are knobby and her hip bones stick out more than usual which makes me worry of course. The doctor said not to worry unless it lasts for more than two weeks so we’ve been giving her anti-nausea medicine and attempting to keep her on the BRAT diet. We’ve been picking up her homework from school daily and in between waves of nausea she’s been in pretty good spirits, getting things done. It has been nice to have a little person around the house but I miss the old smiley Bug. I’m sure she’ll be better soon.

Anyway, I just thought I’d check in and wave. (Hi Gingermog!) I often have daydreams of writing daily and getting back into my old swing of blogging (I miss it.) but I don’t want to promise anything and set myself up for failure. I have been going to yoga nearly every day for about five months now so that’s a huge win for me but, like usual, I only manage to keep at most four or five balls in the air at one time. Right now my five balls are: cooking dinner regularly (yay!), puppies (arg, I’m so tired!), kids (yay! except the sick one which is boo, sad.), yoga (arg, I’m so tired.) and work (yay! I love my job[s] when I get to them.). Any more than that is likely to throw off my balance.

I do like a challenge though so maybe I’ll try to get back here once a week. If only for my own personal record not because any of you are hanging on my every word.  (Puppies, snore! Yoga, snore! Cooking, snore! Kids, hmmmm…I can’t really write the funny stuff because that’s *so embarrassing mom* when you are nine and ten.

All for now! xo