• giveaway,  Moody Blues,  place holder posts

    Winter Doldrums (and a calendar)

    winter-duldrums.

    Here I am, popping my shaggy groundhog head up to say hello after what seems like the longest, coldest winter ever. I know it’s not Groundhog Day, but it’s winter, and I’m in that awkward shaggy stage of growing out my hair. Bug says to wear pigtails because I look ancient now that the blonde is gone. I can’t win at this stage. It matches my mood.

    Things have been hard lately. For everyone I think, right? The flower business is on hold.  I didn’t sell enough t-shirts to get any actual t-shirts so those of you who bought them should get your money back. I have $126 going toward the brake job for Florita, but I don’t know when it will happen. I lost my shirt on the last flower pop-up, so I’m taking a break. Not forever. I do have some weddings lined up for Spring.  The cost-benefit analysis did not work in my favor to do one or two weekly deliveries.

    whirlwind-nye-in-sf

    I had a fun whirlwind visit to San Francisco to celebrate New Year’s Eve with Matt. We always have a good time together. I love dressing up fancy and going out to dinner in restaurants with luscious velvet chairs and pretty bottles all lit up in a bar.  I’ve lost my nerve to take selfies in pretty locations, but I try to snap a few random shots for Instagram.

    hemet-in-january

    I also got out to the sticks for a rare visit. The skies are so blue, and the desert is so welcoming. When I’m stuck on the coast in the gray winter, I sometimes forget that the sun shines in other places. It was good to see my parents. They were happy to see their grand dog.

    Other than that, not much has been going on. I’ve been focusing on work and not being very creative, which is unlike me.

    We will be celebrating Bug’s 18th (I KNOW!!!!) birthday this weekend with a bounce house and a pinata at the park, but Bug has been planning the whole thing herself and wants very little input from me, so I have no fun prep pictures to share. I’m sure I’ll have more to share when I’m baking 100 cupcakes this Wednesday.

    Also, here’s your fixed-up calendar. Only one person submitted edits, so if it’s wrong, it’s your fault.  Just kidding. I’m sure I can put out another version if there are some embarrassing errors.

    xo

  • Life Lessons,  Moody Blues,  place holder posts,  rando bits,  spilling my guts,  working woman

    the month I hid

    cody-in-the-sticks

    Hiding from your blog and social media is nothing new to me. I’ve done it before. Life gets hard; you want to hide from the world. You know how it is, especially for people like me who are supreme people pleasers that can’t handle criticism. I’ve been working on this my whole life, and I thought I’d tackled my worst demons, but they came back in April with a vengeance.

    This time I thought about shutting it all down for good. I was going to. I liked the idea of a simple private life. My niece, Rapunzel, and Bug telling me not to for their sake pushed me back. I’ve had a tough month. Work has been arduous, and my trip to Amsterdam ended disastrously. I lost some friendships that meant a lot to me.

    I’d love to spill the whole story. I’d love for everyone to chime in and tell me that I did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve me, but it’s not fair to them. I can’t paint a clear picture because I don’t know what really happened.  I’m sad and it’s going to take me a long time to get over it. So I can’t write about my Amsterdam trip. It was really fun and I saw a million cool things but right now all I can think about are my hurt feelings so I start and stop and never write anything.

    working

    Work has been hard too. Growing pains, corporate politics, learning Microsoft when I’ve worked in Adobe for 500 years. I love my job and I think I’m doing well but you know, I worry about getting fired every other minute. It’s a big culture change for me to not be my own boss. I make so many mistakes. Stupid silly mistakes too. But I also work with people I really like and I’m learning so much.

    kady-therapy

    Kady comforts me. She also annoys me by constantly putting her wet nose on my face, nudging my glasses sideways by trying to pet herself with them, and licking me on the mouth (ew!). Does anyone want an aggressively cuddly cat? Just kidding. I wouldn’t part with her for the world.

    april

    Weekends are a new novelty for me. Remember when I would proudly proclaim that every day is Monday and every day is Saturday when you are a freelancer? Now every day feels like Monday, and weekends feel like a mad-dash marathon chore-fest with two minutes of vacation. I savor what I can but I miss my coffee dates, gardening, staring at the golf course, doing laundry whenever I feel like it, clean sinks without dishes, sewing, cooking… yeah, all that stuff. I miss it. But it sure is nice being able to pay my bills. As Kate Moss says, nothing tastes as good as having money feels.  Or something like that.

    Lena-stoneware-vase

    (vase by Bug)

    anaheim-packing-district

    April has also been a busy month for visitors. My fairy godmother, Susan, came to visit. She’s so fun. She took Bug and I shopping at Ross. She always does this. It’s her love language.  I bought a bunch of work clothes and Bug bought candy and shampoo. Then we took Susan to the Anaheim Packing District and ate like foodies who’d never heard of calorie restrictions.

    lanterns-in-the-packing-district

    We especially love the lanterns

    dohenybeach

    Then this last week, Matt came to visit! We took him down to Doheny Beach, where my parents were camping with Cody (and their cats!), and we had a nice turkey burger dinner that my dad cooked. The weather was crappy, but I love a beach campfire when it’s chilly. We sipped Topo Chico “cheerleader beers” and then had hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows for dessert. It was really fun.

    My parents are testing out their camper (Did I tell that whole story about how it got stolen and then they got it back? I need to go dive in the archives and find that story.) because they are taking it to Texas next month for my brother’s wedding. Then they are traveling across the country to a Christian camp in Wyoming and then to harvest in Idaho (my Dad always drives trucks for his family’s beet farm) until November. Cody is living the life! He’s going to have the best summer ever. Camping and hanging out on a farm with lots of kids and room to run. I’m jealous.

    And now you are all caught up! How do you like the new blog template? I did it all myself this time, which is why it’s a bit wonky here and there. I don’t love the portfolio template, but… it’s gonna have to do until I find some of that mysteriously elusive free time. I also really need to update my crusty old About pages.

    Ta ta!

Secret Agent Josephine
Creative Agency
© Brenda Ponnay