• Bug

    The Anxiety Monster


    Kindergarten is killing me. I can’t really even blame it all on kindergarten. Bug’s stressed out about things like this before. There was that one time when she was so afraid of getting a shot. She spent two days hyperventilating over it. And then it was over and she was a champion. She was so proud of herself. Her smile with tear-stained cheeks broke my heart. She’s so brave and yet so stubborn and sometimes she lets her fear get the best of her.

    I hope forcing her to go to kindergarten today works the same way but it rips my heart out pushing her forward into the teacher’s care when she is crying like that. Her teacher is sweet but has a no-nonsense snap-out-of-it approach and I worry that it won’t work. I remember my roommate in college telling me about the years and years of everyone telling her to snap out of it and she couldn’t. I don’t know what to think or say. What is normal? Is this normal little kid anxiety or something I really need to worry about?

    I always worry. Sometimes I wish I could just keep her next to me forever. Before school, I hug Bug. I hold her until the bell rings. The other kids run past us laughing and swinging their giant back packs. I squeeze her. I spout off every pep talk I can think of and I’m pretty good at pep talks. We pray. We make up songs about being brave. Her boots are made for walking… I made sure she got enough sleep and ate a good breakfast (even though every bite was a battle). I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know how much of this anxiety she is suffering from is normal kid stuff and how much of it is my fault for breaking up the family that she knew. Of course I will always blame myself. Even though when I made the decision to leave I made it because I thought it would be better for her. I knew this year was going to be hard. And it is.

    Pray for Bug today.

    UPDATE! Prayers work fast. I picked her up early because that is one of the options if she doesn’t want to stay for lunch and she was all smiles. I think the noisy time in the cafeteria was part of her stress. She told me that if I pick her up early every day she won’t cry anymore. I’m sure there will be more hard times but I am so relieved to have my happy kid back. At the time I wrote the post above it was after three days of crying and I thought it would never end. Thank you for all your kind words and prayers. So many good ideas too. I feel much more confident to handle this. xo

Secret Agent Josephine
Creative Agency
© Brenda Ponnay