Brain Dead Post

Where Have I Been Lately?

I don’t know. I think my brain went on vacation and left me here to fuddle around on my own. It’s just not going well. I have nearly nothing to report here to this blog, which makes me feel horrible because my old lunch buddies at the junk mail factory have told me that they are really really bored and they need nice long posts with lots of links to amuse them. I feel for you guys, I really do. But I got nothing!

It’s just one boring day after another. I feel like I’m just rubbing in how dumb my life is. I know, I know… soon I will snap out of this first trimester craptitude and my days will be busting at the seams with excitement and joy. Can I just get there already?

Here I am at week ten and I never have any energy to go on walks and take pictures. I barely get my chores done and the biggest project I’ve got going on is that I actually bought some flannel at JoAnne’s fabrics. I’m hoping to heft out my sewing machine from it’s top shelf cabinet and actually sew some baby receiving blankets. CaaaRazy! Yeah, it sounds like a fun project but the baby fabric at JoAnne’s sucks right now. I picked out three patterns that look like puke together. One is soft pink with hot pink cartoon girls in Paris, another is lime green with pink flowers and the best one is striped in avocado green, eggplant purple and a blue that I cannot think of a name for. It’s not dark, it’s not light. It’s sort of in between. I want to call it blue ball blue but I know that makes no sense to anybody but me.

Which sort of reminds me of my old Quark days. One of the funnest things about being a graphic designer and working in Quark was that I could make up my own colors and name them anything I wanted. You could always default to pantone numbers or even “New Color One” and “New Color Two” etc but I never did that. Why pass up a chance to make something your own? Once a color was named it would stay that way and every prepress guy or other designer who worked on it after me had to chuckle as they checked the trapping for bubble-gum slut pink or rotten plum bruise. When you have to design junk mail, it’s the little things that make the work more interesting. It was always my secret dream to someday work for a nail polish factory and sit around and make up color names. That and be a cake decorator.

Anyway, that was totally off subject. But I’m trying to make this a long post so I guess it’s okay if I ramble on and on.

Back to the fabric…I was excited about the striped one but when I showed it to Toby he said it was ugly. That kinda popped my enthusiasm balloon. It doesn’t take much these days. Maybe I’ll sew them up and give them away as gifts. That’s one cool thing about being thirty-two, all your friends are having kids too.

Speaking of, did you know my birthday is coming up? Usually I’m plotting and planning how I wish I could have someone throw me a surprise party. Or how I could get all my girlfriends together for Nectarine Martini’s at P.F. Chang’s. Mmmmm those are good. But this year, I don’t care. I’m turing thirty-three and I couldn’t be more bored with the idea of a birthday or a party or even a special dinner. I can’t think of a single present I want or need and even cake and ice cream doesn’t sound good. Though I do admit, maybe white angle food cake with fresh strawberries might tempt me.

Jesus was thirty-three when he was crucified on the cross. I always remember that because that’s something my dad told me on his thirty-third birthday. My family is like that with Bible trivia. So every time someone turns thirty-three, I pass on that bit and now it’s my turn.

One cool thing about my birthday this year is that the day after I get to hear my baby’s heart beat! I can’t wait. I guess it’s going to sound like a train going by or a bunch of horses trampling. Weird. I’m just hoping it will make this whole baby thing a little more fun and a little less about feeling sick all the time. Here I go again, complaining. I’m actually doing pretty good. I never puke anymore. I just don’t feel like myself. I’m sick of eating and I’m sick of thinking about eating. I’m sick of feeling sort of sick but not all the way sick. I’m sick of waking up in the morning thinking about all the hours I have to get through before I can go to sleep again. I sound like I’m depressed or something.

In fact today I just sort of broke down and told Toby that I didn’t think I was handling this first trimester very well at all. I told him how I really want to be that stoic mother who grins and bears it but I feel like a big fat cranky baby. He was so sweet, he offered to take me anywhere I wanted to go to make me feel better. Which is very very nice of him because he works every day, all day, all the time. So we drove to the bird store in Anaheim and got our blue waxbills some worms to eat. They love worms. It’s fun to watch them get all excited and eat them. They flick them around and chew off their heads. That sounds gross but it is entertaining to me. Maybe someday I’ll make a movie so you can see too.

That pretty much sums up my day. I’m watching television as I type this and it makes me think of random things like how I’m worried that someday we’ll find out that Splenda is bad for you. My mom uses Splenda in everything. I personally don’t like the stuff but I know sugar is the root of all evil and I don’t have any other great sugar substitute suggestions.

I guess I should explain the picture for today. Those are my cheap Target $7 flip flops. They’re great. Some would say I need to get some new ones. I would say no, they just have “memory foam”. (That’s for you Sarah, the lurker.)