• Buddies,  illos,  The Hood

    My Lurker, Sarah

    My Lurker, Sarah

    I met my first lurker today. She lives four blocks over! How about that!!! I’ve actually met a reader who lives in my town. I always used to day dream that this might happen someday. But I figured my town is kinda small and the world wide internet is pretty big so the chances were slim. So when she emailed me it kinda creeped me out, in a good way.

    And you know what, my lurker is awesome! She isn’t creepy at all! If I could order a friend out of a catalogue, I’d order Sarah. In fact she’s so perfect with her perfect house and her perfect husband, I’m wondering if she secretly eats bath tub caulking or something. We went on a walk today and found out that we have five trillion things in common! And she lives four blocks away! I have to pinch myself. I’ve always wanted a friend who only lives four blocks away. Just think of the barbecues we could have and the lemonade we could sip. She has the perfect back yard with perfect chairs for lounging too. I am in like Flynn!

    The only catch is I have to make sure she never comes to my house. She’s allergic to cats and her husband is a neat freak (in the admirable I wish I was you sort of way). If they get one glimpse of my carpet they’ll probably both fall over dead. Even the red light Post Paris Party trick probably won’t work. Her place was so perfect, it was right out of a magazine. I can’t wait for Toby to meet them, he’s probably going to break out the lighting equipment and start photographing them right on the spot. The cool art on the wall, the geometric patterns, the retro furniture, the apple laptops… I’m not sure what I like best, Sarah or her house! Sarah’s husband is an artist too and I can tell he and Toby are going to get along smashingly. Either that or they’ll hate each other.

    I tell you, nothing but good has ever come from this blog. Some of my friends and family shake their heads and wag their fingers at me. They warn me of stalkers and all the crazy people who are out there just waiting to pounce on an innocent blogger like me, advertising every detail of my life for the whole wide world to see. But (knock on wood) NOTHING BAD HAS EVER HAPPENED because of this blog. It has been nothing but good thing after good thing.

    Let me count the ways:

    1. This blog saved me from going crazy with boredom when my dead end job in corporate-land was going nowhere.

    2. It challenges me to look for the positive and entertaining details of life that would normally be forgotten. It’s forced me to record things in such a way that I feel like I’m really living my life. Even bad days are fun now because I know they’ll make a great story later.

    3. This blog has put me in touch with long lost friends who googled my name hoping to find me long after email addresses had expired and phone numbers been disconnected.

    4. The friends I meet through this blog actually have similar interests with me. They actually get me and they don’t think I’m a freak! Which is more than I can say for all the friends I made in school just because I happened to sit behind them in home room.

    5. This blog has brought me work on projects that I actually enjoy. It’s furthered my career in ways that I never thought were possible.

    6. This blog found me a friend in my very own home town!

    If anybody out there is afraid to start blogging, let this post persuade you to cross over to the dark side. Who knows you might meet your very own personal lurker who’s just as perfect as Sarah.

  • illos,  preg-nuts

    My First Lesson in OBGYN

    My First Lesson in OBGYN

    I had my first OB appointment today. It was a big day for me. I’ve never met my OBGYN before and I was so nervous I left the house and completely forgot to bring my insurance card with me. This is a huge mistake in the world of health care. It’s like going to another country and losing your passport.

    The girls at the front desk are like top security screeners, they looked at me and immediately sized me up as a great big ass pain of paperwork. I offered to go home and get my card but they sighed big sighs and told me that this one time they could call my general practitioner and get them to fax a copy of my insurance card over. I apologized profusely. They said it was okay, sort of.

    The thing is I always feel uncomfortable when I’m dealing with the front desk at a doctor’s office. I always feel like the women who give you that sign-in clip board hate me and they really hate their job. Once I get past the reception area, everybody is cool. It’s just the front desk that makes me cringe sometimes. I think they are out to get me.

    Somehow I managed to get past the front desk and just as I was settling into my very uncomfortable paper clothes and trying to arrange the lower “sheet” as strategically as possible, a girl from the front desk pops her head in. Hello! (I realize she has a perfect view of my butt crack.) I squirm and twist my head around to see what she wants.

    “Your general practitioner says they have no record of you being a patient there.” What?!! I hop up, and even though I’m grabbing it desperately, my paper sheet falls to the floor along with any sense of privacy. I rummage around in my bag for the official referral from my general practitioner. Their address is at the top, my insurance group number is below that and at the bottom is my doctor’s very official signature.

    “Will this help?” I ask as I try my best to recover my paper sheet and dignity.

    “Oh sure,” she says chuckling and shuffles back out the door as if it’s completely normal to conduct business with a naked woman wearing a paper vest and a paper sheet for a skirt. I suppose it is, for her. But what irks me is I know my general doctor has a copy of my insurance card. I was there a few weeks ago for my first pregnancy test. They just don’t feel like looking for it and faxing it over. Either that or the OB front desk girl gets her thrills popping in on first time pregnancy patients who jump out of their skin when they have to get naked in front of strangers.

    All I know is I’m going to laminate my insurance card and glue it to my forehead next time.