The Golden Hour Dance Party That Wasn’t

 

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I know you are expecting me to be sad that no one came to our last Golden Hour Dance Party.  That used to be something that would cause me a lot of stress. But it didn’t. Can you believe it? I am so much healthier mentally than I used to be. It’s not about me, Little Hoo.

kind of knew that people wouldn’t be able to come and I didn’t even try to push or guilt anyone into coming anyway. It was a Thursday night, it’s getting to be fall/winter and it gets dark earlier… dancing makes people nervous, so many of my friends were down with this or that bug… there were a million and one reasons why people wouldn’t come and I knew it. AND I was actually looking forward to just taking pictures anyway. Of course I would have loved a dance party, I always do, but you know what is really fun? Taking pictures with an amp playing music really loud outside.

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I also bought a cheap blonde Halloween wig. I’ve always wondered what the hype of being blonde was about. I gotta say it was fun. I can see the appeal. Part of me actually thought about doing this for real. It is pretty sexy, even on me!
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But I can’t actually bleach my hair blonde because I am just NOT up to the maintenance that being that blonde requires. Can you imagine me with a shelf of gray roots constantly growing out? I would look horrible regularly. I do not have the time or money to stay on top of that and it would be necessary. Sigh. It’s just not going to be.

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But it sure was fun for an hour or two!

 

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Joon did my make-up super goth. I was aiming for a Stevie Nicks look but my skin was not cooperating.

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Enough about me. How rad is Bug’s new cape we bought her for Halloween? We ordered it from an Etsy shop in Russia and waited impatiently for weeks for it to arrive. I was worried it might not make it in time for Halloween but it did! And it was everything we wanted it to be.

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I foresee many photoshoots with this wonderful cape. It’s light and made out of a table cloth-like material that is water repellent. I day-dreamed of it being heavy and velvet but this fabric is actually much better for our warm weather here in Southern California and it’s better for swooshing around. It furls and flurries like a flag whipping in the wind.

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Bug in the hood?

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You can see Toby’s rocker side coming out in her. She’s almost 14 and reminds me so much of myself, minus the low self-esteem and perpetual shyness.

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The music was blaring, we were being silly. It was pretty fun.

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On our way out we snuck into the woods to get some more moody shots.

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Super Bug!

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Joon was there too of course.

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She looks super goth and moody but it’s all an act.

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She’s just really good at looking sullen. She’s actually a firecracker nutball.

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I snuck a few photos of them making tic toks.

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You can see they are actually happy goobers in spite of their dark make-up and pouty looks.

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Speaking of dark make-up and pouty looks. I’m not so cheery looking here either. I took the wig off after dancing a while and getting nice and sweaty. I am reluctant to post these photos. They could seen as vain or really ugly if you are adverse to looking at a women nearing fifty but I kind of like them. This is who I am, wrinkles creeping up here and there. It’s not so bad.

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I had my time to shine just like the girls when I was young. Being youthful is really fun but you don’t have any of the confidence that you get when you’re older. Or at least I didn’t have it back then. I was a wreck when I had smooth skin and weighed next to nothing.  I wouldn’t trade places with my old self. So bear with me as I post these super big glaring close ups and let it sink in that I am getting older and there is nothing I can do about it except love it.

 

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And rock a blonde wig now and then!

sunshine and fashion

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It’s been super foggy and gloomy in Southern California where I live lately. It’s mostly because we live 15 minutes from the beach (poor us) and the marine layer likes to creep up out of the ocean when it’s hot inland and hover over us for months. I hate to complain about it because well, it’s not like it’s real weather or anything. I’ve never been in a snow storm in my life. But you know what? It’s getting me down! This stupid gray fog is the pits! I thought I was pretty tough but give me three weeks of foggy gray gloom and I feel like crawling under a blanket and ceasing to exist. I know. That’s pretty drastic but it’s really what has been going through my head.

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I went to my doctor, (I see a psychiatrist for anxiety) and I was so prepared to tell her I was fine but within minutes I was bawling my eyes out over climate change, of all things. I never know what’s going to set me off. It’s like my brain is playing some kind of lottery and whatever thought bubbles to the top is the fret-and-obsess-over subject du jour. It’s been pathetic.

Needless to say, she upped my meds. Only until August. She says that lots of people get really depressed in June  in our local. It’s a well documented fact. So, if you are feeling down, it’s not you! It’s the weather.

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I had dropped Bug off at my parent’s in the desert for a week for “Camp Grandpa and Grandma” and I went out this weekend to pick her up and guess what? It was gloriously sunny out in the desert where they live! I soaked up that sunshine like it was my last meal. It felt soooo good.

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I took Joon with me and we all spent some happy hours in the pool with my parents and lots of sunshine.

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I love seeing Joon laugh like that. They are both going through their hormonal teenage years so seeing them act like kids again instead of sulking around with their noses stuck to their phones is always a welcome sight.

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My mom recently hurt her Achilles tendons in both feet. She had been going to her local gym and taking water aerobics classes and apparently she was a little too zealous with all the jumping around in the water and hurt her tendons. This is a huge bummer because she was on a roll with losing weight and getting healthy. Now she’s stuck in her chair most days and doing minimal physical therapy with her doctor. She can’t do as much as she usually does and unfortunately that leaves my poor overworked dad doing most of the housework as well as his many gardening jobs. So I decided that I need to go out and visit them once a week and help them.

This seems like an obvious solution but it took me a while to come to it. Googling deep-cleaning house cleaning services that cost more than $200 a week because they live so far out in the sticks kind of sealed the deal. It will be an adjustment to take such a long drive weekly but it’s not like I didn’t use to do it back when I lived out there and drove Bug in to see her Dad weekly. I’m just super thankful I have the job flexibility and a reliable car to do it.

And that means I’ll get a healthy dose of sunshine weekly!

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While we were out there this weekend, the girls let me do a few photoshoots with them in the beautiful surrounding desert. I’m not sure who was prettier, the desert or the girls.

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I really love my new camera. I need to start booking more professional gigs so I can get it to pay for itself. I’m super lucky that I have built in models who love their photos taken.  Of course as a photographer I love, love, love taking photos of them but I have to make sure not to exploit their beauty and keep the photos wholesome and healthy. It’s challenging!  They ooze (innocent) sexuality and they don’t even know it. Thankfully, I’ve been around the internet a bit and I’ve been teaching them to protect their vulnerabilities for a long time. desert-beauty-2

Bug is interested in fashion these days. We all knew that was coming. Actually, she has always has been into fashion. It’s nothing new. You remember her crazy three-year-old style choices.  Anyway, lately she’s picked up my love for thrift-store-shopping and has been buying loads of clothes and altering them to suit her. She embroiders jeans, crops skirts into mini skirts…. really I should say she manipulates my mom and I into embroidering and altering for her but I’m not too upset about that. I’m just happy she can be so creative with fashion and not involve me taking her to the mall and spending bazillions of dollars!