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It’s A Good Day To Have A Good Day
Hello Internet People! It is a good day to update this blog! I have so much news but not very much news at the same time. You will be happy to know that I have fully bounced back after my funk of a few months. I feel stronger than ever, and every other day I seem to be changing my avatars to reflect this new crazy blondness I have taken on. It is a brand! Who knew?
It’s brought me so much freedom and joy. Who knew the silliest thing of reversing my coloring would snap me out of my funk? I took something I was proud of (my silver hair and devotion to natural beauty bla bla bla) and shot it all to hell—fried crispy blonde hair—my complete opposite.
It’s temporary. I am plotting the next hair move and checking my roots daily to see if it’s time because I am not re-touching. Nope. I’m cutting it off into a spiky pixie, and I can’t wait for that day. I’ve rocked a pixie before. It’s one of my favorite looks, double chin and all.
But while I’m blonde, I am having more fun! I hate that that saying is true. Why is it that being so unnatural-looking is considered beautiful? Why do men love acid-washed hair? Is it because we conform to a cliched formula that comes out of a bottle, or is it because lighter hair gets my eyes more attention? I’m hoping it’s the latter.
But I am not above pretending to be Marilyn Monroe. Nope. I am shallow and vain and loving every minute. Reading is sexy, no? Especially with a cat on your lap. Don’t even start with the pussy cat jokes…
CC has been in town off and on, and this last week we dressed up and went out to the theatre to see Six. It was SO GOOD. I’ve had a subscription to the South Coast Performing Arts Center for a few years, and lately, getting myself through two acts of singing and dancing has been harder and harder. I don’t know, the last show I went to was Chicago, and it just didn’t do it for me. I was yawning and thinking it was time to go to bed long before intermission. So when CC said she wanted to go to SIX, I was intrigued. She was excited and couldn’t believe I had tickets. So off we went!
Early, of course, because we love to take photos and the theatre is an architectural beauty. I have to say; CC is an excellent photographer. Look at her capturing all those angles and making me look fabulous. We had a blast. My brother has moved on and gotten remarried, but CC will always be family to me. She is my sister for life. Thank you, Brother, for picking such a fabulous girl.
We always have a good time together. After the show, we hit the silent disco (for free!) and took some photos with drag queens because that’s what we do! It was so much fun.
Oh, here is a picture of La Jolla, totally out of context. This is from the weekend after. Bug convinced me to drive her down to La Jolla for no reason at all. I don’t see Bug as much now that she’s seventeen and all grown up with a serious boyfriend, so when she begs me to drive her somewhere, I take advantage of the bonding time. She’s still my girl.
She’s gone now with her dad on their annual trip to Northern California. They plan it every year, and they miss my birthday every year. Last year I put my foot down because I was turning fifty but this year, eh. I don’t care. Fifty-one is no big thing. AND, Matt is coming to visit, so I’m super excited to spend time with him.
Can you believe it? It’s been a year since the “Let’s Get Old and Be Fabulous” party. It was such a flop of a party (I’m only admitting this now because I did not have the funds to throw such a party, and how vain and self-centered could I be?) BUT! I met up with Matt after thirty-some years, so it’s one of the best things that’s come out of my mid-life crisis.
It’s been a crazy year.
I’m working more and more, and two of my clients have me working in their offices, which makes getting work done so much more efficient. I’m still an independent contractor, but having a regular job that I dress up for and kick ass at feels good. I really feel like I’m coming into my own. I’ve worked for myself for ages, but this last year has been pivotal. I think I’m finally respecting myself. It’s a weird concept.
I’ve been listening to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s new podcast Wiser Than Me , and it’s motivated me so much! I could rattle on for days about the things that have cheered me on. One of her guests said that our fifties are the best years, and I think it’s true. Fifty is such a blessing! It’s old but not decaying yet. It’s the twenties of the older years. It’s so much fun. I’m sure I’ll make a mess of errors just like I did in my twenties, but I will enjoy it.
I only have one day to work for myself, but I am working on my next book, Peg. You know what it’s about: Being rejected and realizing that you are still good, wise, and valuable enough. This is my newest passion that I will take into elementary schools, and I hope I can help kids with this. I know it might be a better book for fifty-year-olds, but I love illustrating kids’ books so that’s what it will be. Just like “It’s Not About You, Little Hoo,” (which is about being left out), this book is another hard lesson turned into a book
It takes me a while to be happy for those hard lessons that slap me in the face, but here I am.
I’m happy again. Thank you, Internet People, for cheering me on. I appreciate you. If you have stories from your fifties, I’d love to hear them! Let’s get old and be fabulous and live to tell the tale!
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The unraveling
I am unraveling right before your eyes. Someday this is all going to be a funny story but right now I am hobbling from day to day.
Last week I flew to West Texas for my brother’s wedding. It always feels good to be with family in hard times. This was a happy time: celebrating a wedding but for me it was more. It was me going back to my roots, spending time with the people who really really love me. EVEN WHEN I BLEACH MY HAIR BLONDE AND IT LOOKS TERRIBLE ON ME!
I know it doesn’t look so bad in photos but in real life it is awful. It’s dry, brittle, it doesn’t have any of its old waves and I have no idea how to style it. I feel like a lousy combination of Charlize Theron in Monster and Kurt Cobain. But this post isn’t all about me and my hair! (Or is it?) This was about flying to Texas to be with my family.
Texas and I are not fast friends. We should be. Texas was there for me in some dark, dark times (shout out to my good friend Heather), but in my old age, I’ve gotten more liberal (as most artists with feeeeeeeeeelings do). My brother is a gun-toting redneck conservative. You know how it goes. We politely ignore each other’s opinions of Trump to save the peace and we never talk on Facebook. As my brother always jokes: “We only have one thing in common: my mom and dad.” He’s funny. But surprisingly, when we get into intense discussions, we usually find common ground that we agree on. We are both guilty of being on opposite sides for too long and haven’t listened to the other side much.
The first thing he showed me when we got to his new wife’s house (Did I mention they live in officers’ quarters in a fort!!) was a cannon. Yep. That’s my brother. It’s not *his* canon, but he gets to work on it and maybe handle it during reenactments or something. You can probably tell I didn’t pay attention when he was talking to me. Guns schmuns, they’re all the same to me. They shoot people and kill; therefore, I hate them. But whatever! I do believe in the 2nd amendment, I just don’t like guns personally.
Then we walked the grounds. It’s huge! Like everything in Texas. My brother’s job is the groundskeeper of the Fort and he gets to mow the vast lawns with a driving lawn mower and switch sprinklers off and on. It’s his dream job.
I got to hang with my niece Suki and her little girl.
The skies were so big, and I loved being out in the evening air. The only thing I liked better than walking around outside was walking around his historical home.
It had a huge front porch with rocking chairs, and inside, everything felt like a museum. His wife’s mother owned the house and had a vast collection of art and artifacts.
I slept in the office and kinda got the heebie-jeebies looking at all these artifacts around me. Didn’t we take all this land from the Native Americans and wouldn’t they be haunting a house like this and wanting it back? When I closed my eyes, I saw all kinds of weird visions which makes me think I might be psychic or something but amazingly, I slept well. My brother’s wife says there is no bad juju in the house and I think she might be right. I didn’t feel anything bad when I was there.
The following day my dad and I walked the town. It took about five minutes.
Just kidding. It took longer than that, but it was a quick walk because the town is quite small. We even went to the park and took a few turns on a zipline.
Friday was the day of the rehearsal dinner, and I wasn’t needed for anything. Weird, I know. I thought I’d be helping with dishes or flowers or potato salad or something, but everything was already handled before I got there so I did what I always do when I’m in a new place. I yelped “local flair” and saw that there was a famous art exhibit two hours away.
Two hours is pretty far to see an art exhibit, but when I expressed interest, my dad signed up enthusiastically. That is my dad for you. If I want to do something, he is always on board, no matter how silly it is. It helps that he used to be a truck driver and driving is like walking to him but still, two hours to an art exhibit?!? And it wasn’t like it was the Louvre. What I wanted to see was pretty much a box in the middle of the desert. No shops around it or places to have lunch. It didn’t even have a gift shop. Just a box in the middle of nowhere with miles and miles of desert all around.
Yep, I’m talking about Prada, Marfa. It’s famous! It really is as silly as it looks. It’s a fake storefront with a non-working door and 2005 Prada shoes inside. It’s incredibly ironic, and I love it. At first, I was bummed when I saw the window boarded up on one side. That was going to ruin my photo! But then when I read more about the artist’s intent and how he wanted it to de-gentrify naturally, I started to get it. It will look like part of a ghost town someday, and it’s a big funny joke. Prada way out here in the middle of NOWHERE? Why? That’s exactly the fun of it. Why not! And even though it’s not an *actual* Prada store, and you can wiggle the front door in vain, and it will never open, it’s still *cool* just to be there. That’s how much clout the Prada brand has. Humans are so funny.
Even my dad got it. My dad is pretty open-minded for a boomer.
Speaking of open-mindedness, we stopped at an ice cream shop on the way back. We were hungry for lunch, but apparently, everything rolls up at three pm when you live in the middle of the desert in the middle of nowhere.
It was great. I think I found the artsiest town in all of West Texas. I’m good at finding my people.
Across the street was an LGBTQ store, and I went in, of course. Not that I needed any gay merch, but just because it’s pride month, and I wanted to show my support. You’d think my dad would have a problem with this, being the devout Christian that he is, but he is incredibly understanding, and we had the whole drive to talk about passages in the bible that refer to sodomy. Talking about the bible is one of my dad’s favorite things to do. Yes, I find it annoying from time to time when he tries to “save” people, but my dad is one of the kindest people you will ever meet, and he really does listen. I can put up with his fever over the bible because he listens to me when I tell him I don’t trust Apostle Paul’s teaching. He’s patient with me. It does make me sad that he is disappointed with my life choices, but if anyone understands my choices, it’s my dad. He’s been there through all of it.
So yeah, two hours of talking about the bible! It was great, actually. I can talk to my dad about anything.
The next day before the wedding, we took another walk around town, just my dad and I. We pretty much did the “driving tour” on foot.
This crumbling building reminded me of an Anthropologie backdrop.
Colors from another time… I love that I can always find things to photograph when I travel. It is my favorite thing to do.
I also got to spend a lot of quality time with this goober. She was magical at grabbing my Apple watch and my iPhone. She can reprogram any Apple device in under 30 seconds. It’s amazing. I have a lot of pictures of her grabbing at my phone as I’m taking pictures of her. I also have about a million selfies that she took of her chin.
Then it was time for the wedding. It was small and humble but so sweet. My brother is such a softie; he cried through the entire thing. Like he did at my wedding years ago, he’s just a big sentimental puddle inside a giant hairy man.
He adores his new wife. I’m so happy for them.
It was good to be with family. I’m glad I went. It was a quick little respite from the trainwreck that is my life back home.
But things are getting better. I have interviews lined up next week and I’m starting to get used to my shocking hair. Every day I contemplate shaving it, though… so the crazy is not over yet!
