I’m still here!

manhole-cover

I had a bit of a panic attack, crossed with an identity crisis over the last trip post that I blogged. Don’t bother looking. It’s not there anymore. I took it down. I tend to over-think everything. I write something, then I filter it through everyone’s eyes one by one as I think of them. It’s crazy-making. I lie awake at night (4am usually) and think of you all one by one. Don’t you feel special?

So I took the post down and I’m going to temporarily abandon the blogging of “that trip.” It’s just not a good time for me. Nobody called me out on anything and no family members were even offended.  It’s presumptuous that I even made it an issue (as if I’m on anyone’s radar) but just the same, I suffer from anxiety so I had to take it down.  I’m so scared of saying the wrong thing that I paralyze myself.  Going forward, for now, I’m going to stick to subjects that I feel more comfortable with. I’m sorry to be vanilla and not stand up for something but this is my comfort zone. It’s either this or just take the whole site down, which I plan to do one of these days anyway as soon as I figure out how to make a book (for myself) out of 20 years of archives. TWENTY YEARS! It’s actually only 15 because the first five are lost somewhere on my server but still, I’ve been writing on this website for twenty years!

Sigh.

I’m sorry I have stage fright. I’m sure it will pass.

 

4 Comments I’m still here!

  1. Cathy

    Hugs, Honey. You do what you need to. I’d feel a loss if you ever took your whole site down, I know that might be weird as we’ve never met, but SAJ is a comfortingly normal and safe part of the web that I like to step into. Like dropping over to a friend’s house for a cuppa and a story. Hang in there, sunshine is just around the corner. Xo

    Reply
  2. Jenjen

    I’ve been thinking of you since you took that post down! I totally understand the anxiety and the feeling of paralysis due to fear of saying the wrong thing. I’m glad I had the chance to read it. I enjoy reading whatever you have to say, vanilla or not! ?. I don’t think you owe anyone an apology! Hang in there.

    Reply
  3. Gingermog

    Its your blog and you can do anything you like, you don’t need to consider us and what we think but I understand your anxiety over being flamed for something innocently intended. Does anyone use the term flamed now?. We just want to check your ok. Like Cathy, I’m just glad your still here after all these years. Thank you for the love, time & money you put into your blog. Just found your pintrest page yesterday ( doh were have I been?), so beautiful. your craft ideas are amazing !

    Take good care of yourself. xx

    Reply
  4. Tiffany

    I so enjoy your writing and your art and the little peeks into your life that you share here. What level you share is definitely up to you and I don’t think you should feel bad for one moment for either putting something up or taking something down. Only you know what is right for you…and you are definitely allowed to change your mind if that feels right one day and not so much the next.

    Reply

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