I had a bit of a panic attack, crossed with an identity crisis over the last trip post that I blogged. Don’t bother looking. It’s not there anymore. I took it down. I tend to over-think everything. I write something, then I filter it through everyone’s eyes one by one as I think of them. It’s crazy-making. I lie awake at night (4am usually) and think of you all one by one. Don’t you feel special?
So I took the post down and I’m going to temporarily abandon the blogging of “that trip.” It’s just not a good time for me. Nobody called me out on anything and no family members were even offended. It’s presumptuous that I even made it an issue (as if I’m on anyone’s radar) but just the same, I suffer from anxiety so I had to take it down. I’m so scared of saying the wrong thing that I paralyze myself. Going forward, for now, I’m going to stick to subjects that I feel more comfortable with. I’m sorry to be vanilla and not stand up for something but this is my comfort zone. It’s either this or just take the whole site down, which I plan to do one of these days anyway as soon as I figure out how to make a book (for myself) out of 20 years of archives. TWENTY YEARS! It’s actually only 15 because the first five are lost somewhere on my server but still, I’ve been writing on this website for twenty years!
I’m sorry I have stage fright. I’m sure it will pass.