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The sun always shines through
I’m feeling better already, of course. I shouldn’t blog about these sad times because they always pass and usually pretty quickly. I don’t suffer from depression. I don’t even think I’m mentally ill! (Ha ha! Stop laughing.) I’m just moody. That’s what my mom used to always say anyway. My downs always follow highs and then…looptiloo, I’m looping right back into a high again. Which is great really because my highs are full creativity and they make me very very happy. Even though it might sound like it, I don’t think I’m bi-polar either. I’m just moody and I need to learn to keep it to myself.
Surprisingly, I did keep my sad fog to myself pretty well today (besides telling all you guys of course). Earlier, I turned around from my perch at the breakfast bar counter (aka my desk) and told Toby (who is sitting on the couch watching some incredibly boring show on PBS) that I loved him. Just out of the blue to, you know, keep him on his toes.
He says, “Why? What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say something nice because I’ve been feeling crappy all day and I’m just so happy that I’m not feeling yucky anymore.”
He gets this stricken worried look and says, “You were feeling unhappy today?” He’s thinking, uh oh… I did something wrong and now I’m going to have to sit here and listen to her hash it all out for the next two hours…
Of course I waved him off. He didn’t do anything wrong. There’s no explaining “sad fogs” to Toby. They make no sense to him. Which is fine. I’d rather keep this to myself and my internet friends.
And then I cooked dinner.
Stir fry. I’m sorry to any of my vegetarian friends. I’m sorry I had to show you that dead animal right there.
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cookie points
I had a good day today. You know what I think it is? I think I’m slowly forcing myself to turn into a night person. I wake up at the crack of dawn (because that’s when the baby wakes up) and I feel like a sloth. My eyes are scratchy and bloodshot and I just want to lay down on the couch all day. This is not like me. I’m usually a whirlwind of activity in the morning. So I’ve been thinking there is something wrong. But there isn’t. I’m just tired, like I should be. Duh.
That’s what I get when you staying up three hours past my normal bedtime every night for months on end. No matter, nothing is going to change any time soon. Night time is the only time I have to do things for me. Since I’m such a selfish person that I am, I’m going to rob from my sleep bank in order to fill up my creativity bank. Like I always say (which probably drives my God-fearing Christian relatives crazy), “You can sleep when your dead.”
Today is a good day because I embraced my momliness and baked cookies! Wooo Hooo! Cookie dough! I wore an apron and everything. I never bake. I’m just not the baking-cooking type. I cook dinner every night but not because I want to. I do it because it’s cheaper and healthier and Toby forces me to. You’d think I’d love being creative in the kitchen, trying out new foods and making up my own recipes, but I don’t. I’m a horrible cook. I like reading cooking magazines and watching cooking shows but that’s about it.
Today was different though. I’ve been inspired to jump into what I perceive as a “negative” (like not being allowed to play on my laptop because I have to keep both eyes on Baby Bug all the time so she won’t kill herself by falling off the back of the couch) and make this negative a positive. So, I can’t make things on my computer but I can make cookies and score major domestic goddess points with Toby. That’s not too shabby since I’ve been in the doghouse a lot lately.
It was great. The whole house filled up with that lovely fresh cookie scent and when I took Toby three hot steamy cookies on a folded paper towel, I thought he was going to explode from smiling. It really is true that you can win a man’s heart through his stomach. I’m almost convinced I should make cookies every day. Except then he’ll whine and complain about there not being any cookies in the house on those days that I happen to forget. I can’t set myself up for that kind of failure. But they were pretty easy to make, so I’ll save that idea for some day that I go into overdraft with the checking account or something.
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say that a productive mom is a happy mom…even if she can’t make stuff on her computer. And a happy mom is even happier when she drinks more coffee and she can stay up late and make fun monsters like this:
Hee Hee! I love making fun graphics for people who go completely nuts over them.
