Three Months!

Tomorrow, when most of you are reading this, Baby Bug will be three months old. Three months!!! The magic age when everything changes from being scary and overwhelming to being adorable and fun. Except I’ve been spoiled. Baby Bug was born being adorable and fun. Really I’m so lucky it’s scary. She never had any colic and besides her episodes of being badger baby and the whole breast-feeding nightmare, she’s been a remarkably easy baby. I’m afraid to have another kid. I won’t be able to handle a baby that doesn’t go to sleep at night. Baby Bug always sleeps at night. She grunts and makes pig noises in her sleep but that’s about it. I’m embarrassed to admit I never really suffered from sleep deprivation. (Knock on your wooden head.)

I should be making a three month movie but I don’t think I’d do a good job right now. It’s past my bedtime and making movies requires watching footage backwards and forwards until you get it just right. It takes hours. I just don’t have hours in me right now. And if I’ve learned one thing about parenting it is this: let yourself fail. It’s okay not to always do everything. It’s okay to be late. It’s okay to have messy hair. It’s okay to wear berkinstocks every day. It’s okay to not have a routine and it’s okay to send your birth announcements out two months late. The bottom line is that your baby is happy and everything else can fall in the cracks. I’m the queen of letting things fall in the cracks lately. I have to be. I have to let go.

Like right now, I’m kinda ticked because I heard a big loud bang outside and I ran out to see what it was and my neighbor had driven her jeep right into our stairs. She left a big dent in the wood of the corner post. It’s not that big of a deal really. The stairs are still intact and our place is a tear down anyway. I did it once way back before we got our stairs replaced (and not because I dented them, because they were riddled with termites).

I’m just kinda perturbed because she didn’t seem that concerned about it. I ran down there thinking she had driven into the air conditioner that is at the end of her car port. The noise was really really loud. I was sort of worried that she might not be okay. Maybe she was drunk and passed out at the wheel. Turns out she’s fine and she wasn’t even sorry about taking out our stairs. She would have just ignored me and gone in her house if I didn’t run down and ask her if she was okay. Oh well… I can’t be friends with everybody.

I’ve tried to make small talk with her before but she gives me the cold shoulder. I don’t think she’s on purpose trying to be a snob or anything, I just think she’s busy with her life and doesn’t really want to be friends with the stay-at-home mom next door. Imagine that! Of course I can’t understand why anybody wouldn’t want to be friends with me but I guess I’m just not as charming as I think I am. I guess you can’t win them all. And I just have to be okay with that.

But enough about me! Yikes I’m being self centered.

Tomorrow (probably today for you) is Baby Bug’s three month day! Yay Three Months! We made it! She has reached some real mile stones too. She’s rolling over er-almost and the biggest thing lately is that she’s trying to communicate with us. The first time it happened, it completely blew my mind. I know you read in the baby books that they will start cooing and goo-gooing and stuff but I had no idea that she would actually mimic me and try to have a conversation with me. I feel like I felt when I first learned that dogs are smart and can learn tricks. When I was a kid, our dog never did any tricks. She just jumped on us and slobbered all over everything. I grew up thinking all dogs are stupid. So when I finally met a dog that was well trained and seemed to comprehend human emotion, I was completely shocked.

When it happened with Baby Bug, I was sitting at my computer and she was on the changing table that is right next to me. Her grandma (Toby’s mom) was blowing bubbles at her and making a bbb-buh-buh sound. All of a sudden my typing was interrupted by a little baby making bbb-buh-buh sounds exactly like her grandmother had been doing. I stopped typing and watched with mouth agape. She can copy us! She’s only two and half months old and she copied her grandma! Do they really grow up this fast? I thought she’d be a lump for at least another month.

The bbb-buh-buh sound has quickly turned into the cutest “aaaaah-boooo” sound that you ever heard. I’m really sweetly surprised by how soft natured Baby Bug is. With all her badger baby moods and pterodactyl shrieks, I guess I just assumed she had more of a prickly personality. But when she goes on and on with her little “aaaaah-boooohs” I think I could just melt into a little puddle. I’ve caught some of it on film. I’ll put that in her three month movie as soon as I get around to it.

I know, some of you are groaning. I realize this baby cuteness is probably only cute to me and incredibly boring to everybody else. But too bad. It’s my blog and if I want to turn into a blubbering idiot who only talks about her kid all day long, then I guess that’s what I’m going to do. Why fight it,right? This is what happens when you grow up and have a kid.

The other day as we were driving home from the laundromat and Baby Bug was miles away in the back of the van where I can’t reach her or sooth her… and she was crying and crying and crying… I thought I’d attempt to play our little “aaaaaah boooooh” game with her. I was desperate. I say anything and everything I can think of to cheer her up when we are driving down the road and I can’t just get up and walk back there and stick the pacifier back in. It’s pure torture for me when I have to just let her cry and cry and cry. Well, you know what she did when I tried to calm her down by saying “aaaaa-boooooh” to her? Through tears and baby snot, she answered me in her hoarse cried-out little voice. I hear this little raspy “aaaaaa-booooh” from the back of the van. I almost drove off the road I was so overwhelmed with love for this little girl who tries to talk and say nice sounds even when she thinks her mommy has abandoned her. It was so sad and cute at the same time She hates her car seat. She hates it when the car stops moving. She just cries and cries and cries like she thinks she’s been put up for adoption or something. The fact that she tried to play our little game even though she was so sad just broke my heart. I love that little bug.

So anyway, today was her first Easter. We didn’t do that much. We had a nice dinner with relatives and I attempted to dress her up a little bit more than the usual onesie with pants. I should have bought her an Easter outfit. But again, I’m okay with not being perfect, so I’m letting that go. I wanted to die some eggs and maybe run a ribbon through one of those plastic green strawberry baskets and call it an Easter basket but the day came and went before I even completed that thought. Thankfully, the Grandma’s bought her some bunny stuff and I propped her up on the couch and got some pictures. Next year, it will be different. We’ll have an Easter egg hunt and I’ll make her a basket. One of these years I’ll get all these holidays figured out.

Today I’m just glad that I can hold her while she’s sleeping and when she’s awake we can say “aaaaaah-boooooh” over and over to each other. What am I going to do with myself? I don’t think I can handle her getting any cuter.

Oh! One more thing I almost forgot. Could it be possible for a three month old to be teething already? She’s been drooling like crazy, chewing on everything and she has been a teeny bit more grumpy than usual. My mom said I did the same thing. No teeth but teething for months. Apparently I was a very drooly baby. My mom said she’s glad I’m going to have a drooly baby because I deserve it. I guess I caused my mother a lot of distress with all my drooling. hmph!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I have so many things to blog about, I don’t even know where to start. The site is back up. That’s big news around here. I spent the last two days attached to my laptop with one hand and the baby with the other.

The hand that was attached to my laptop was typing into yahoo instant messenger to my new host couple who are the nicest people on the planet. They are not only hosting this site but they also walked me through step by step how to modify wordpress templates. Believe me, that’s a lot because I don’t understand a flip of CSS. I think C.S.S. stands for Crappy Site Stuff. But actually CSS is really cool and not crappy at all, except that I don’t understand it and I feel like a bungling fool. There are still so many things to fix. Like you’re probably wondering where all the spy emblems went. I still have them, don’t worry. I just have to figure out where to put them. The comments are saved too… they just haven’t decided to show up yet.

The other hand (that wasn’t attached to my laptop) was holding the baby to my boob. That was almost more of challenge than learning CSS. I should draw a cartoon of all the positions I go through to try to get Baby Bug to latch on. It could be like a kama sutra book but without the erotica.

We’ve tried it on the floor, we’ve tried it on my desk, we’ve tried the football hold and the cradle hold. We’ve tried it with the boppy and without the boppy. We’ve tried it in the dark, we’ve tried it in the light. We’ve tried it in every room in the house! It’s no use. When she makes up her mind that she’s going to be badger baby, there is just nothing you can do but wait it out. It’s almost like she gets traumatized by one failed attempt to latch on and then every single thing I try after that makes her scream because she’s remembering how awful failure is.

I feel so bad when she’s upset at me. They say you can’t spoil a baby before they are three months and it’s okay to pick them up when they cry. They say picking a baby up when it cries teaches them that they can trust you. So I’m thinking that Baby Bug is learning that she can’t trust me because every time I pick her up and try to nurse her, she has some kind of trauma. And if it’s not that, it’s the tummy ache that I must have given her by eating broccoli or something. I know she won’t remember this and she’s still learning that she can trust me but I still give myself major guilt trips every time she cries. I guess this is just part of motherhood.

But this post isn’t all about Baby Bug and our many nursing tribulations. It’s really supposed to be a lengthy thank you and ode of adoration to the Stranahans. They have been so wonderful to me these last few days. I thought I was indebted to the last guy who hosted this site for me. Now I really know the meaning of indebtedness. They stayed inside on a perfectly nice sunny day, probably ignored their kid’s pleas to go outside and play ball, and helped me put this mess of a website back together piece by piece. “Can I have three columns? No, can I have two? Can I put my archives in scroll bars? Can I have an image map in my masthead” etc. etc. etc… My requests are endless and of course I still have a wish list a mile long.

And another thing! One of those perfectly nice sunny days was the wife’s birthday. Get this: on her birthday, she chose to spend the day transferring files from my old ftp site to my new ftp site. Nice birthday present… um, to me! I know. I should be banished to a corner somewhere.

So do you think they will let me pay them for all their hours and hours of labor and patience with me? Not to mention server space and bandwidth? NO! I have to be creative and think up some sneaky way to thank them. I will. I have to.