• half assed posts,  na blow me,  place holder posts,  Slow News Day

    Day Eleven: No mo’!

    my floor is ugly

    I HATE MY FLOOR. It is sooooo ugly*. Parquet flooring is naturally ugly but this flooring goes up the side base boards and it looks like you’re riding in a boat or a motor home. I get motion sickness just standing on it.

    Other than that I have no news. I have not researched new flooring. I have not danced on it. I’ve just stared at it and marveled at it’s ability to hide dirt. I suppose that is a good thing but I’m still hating it.

    Speaking of hate. This is an awful post. I cannot wait until December when Nablopomo is over. I think I should start a Nablopomo back lash. How about in the month of December we only post once. One post for the WHOLE month. That could be fun. We could call it DeBloPoMo (as in de-briefing?) or NoMoPoMo (as in No Mo! I can’t take it any mo’!!) Imagine suddenly being forced to have a real life because you CANNOT BLOG. I know I would miss it but it might be a good exercise. That one post better be a really good one.

    What are your thoughts?

    *It’s way uglier than this picture.

  • Beach Bits,  na blow me,  place holder posts,  raving lunatic rant

    Day Seven

    11/7 two for tuesday

    Once upon a time there was a blogger who fell asleep while putting her baby/toddler to bed. Maybe she should not be laying down to help her toddler to sleep, you say? And maybe you are right but nonetheless this is what this blogger does because she likes to spend quiet moments with her toddler and she is always tired all the live long day.

    Every night she falls asleep with her toddler and then she wakes with a fright at 10:45 because the cat yowled or something and she jumps up and freaks out because she has yet to write a stupid dumb nablowpomo-gumbo-shoe-blow-a-go-go post. She thinks it is 11:45 because of course she has not yet fixed her clock to reflect the time change that has taken place so she is sorely afraid she has failed the great stupid dumb nablowpomo-gumbo-shoe-blow-a-go-go contest she has so stupidly joined.

    So she rushes out to her computer and groggily types up some kind of pathetic dribble that nobody wants to read and vows that she will never ever join such a silly contest again because, really, what is the point? Nobody wants to read this sort of crap.

    The end.

    But then she remembers the silly iced tea story she wanted to tell but decides she is way too tired to write it properly and decides to tease her readers with it instead. Which they are surely tired of, since she teases them all the time with posts that she never gets around to writing. But let me just say that it is very funny and it involves a purse and the contents of a purse and good old fashioned bad luck.

    At the stroke of 11:29, the poor blogger is attacked by the bad punctuation monster and dies a horribly bloody death. BUT yet, just before she gasps her last strangled breath, she reaches over and hits publish and up goes her post onto the world wide internet. By sheer luck and bad taste she has posted and not broken the great stupid dumb nablowpomo-gumbo-shoe-blow-a-go-go spell. Which by the way, is not stupid or dumb or blowing for all those other prolific and wonderful writerly bloggers. They are quite brilliant, in fact.

    The end, the end!