I Just Need A Compliment

I came home from work today filled with angst. I’m filled with angst a lot lately. I don’t know what my problem is. Maybe it’s because I’m working again and I haven’t really stopped doing all the household chores that I did when I was just a full time wife. Maybe it’s because I’m carrying around a 10 pound water balloon that makes it hard to bend over. Maybe it’s because my legs hurt when I walk and I don’t sleep well any more.

Maybe it’s because I’m bottom dog at my new job and I’m used to being top dog. Or maybe it’s because when I started this temp job, we were really really slow and then suddenly we got slammed with a lot of work. It’s hard to feel good about work when you’ve spent so many days perfecting doing nothing. I was really getting into my imaginary projects. I find myself resenting that I actually have to work when I’m at work, and I know that’s wrong.

I just need an attitude adjustment. Usually I turn to Toby to talk things out with but he’s so tired of me and my angst lately. If I say one more thing about my double chin to him, I think he’s going to snap. So I’ve been forcing myself to stay in my room and work though my angst on my own. Of course it hasn’t been going well. It never does. Sometimes I think the only cure for this anxiousness is picking a fight with Toby. How screwed up is that? Why must I pick fights? I hate fighting? I hate making Toby not like me and I hate being unlikable. I am my own worst enemy. Sometimes I wish I could just check myself into a hotel room and lose the key.

But then something happened this evening that changed my whole attitude. My boss at work called me (at home) to go over some things that I need to handle when he’s out tomorrow. He told me they are hiring another temp and I need to train that person. This was kind of a surprise to me but I can roll with it. I’ve trained plenty of people and thankfully this agency I’m working at is pretty organized. Then he told me that I’m one of the best people he’s seen come through his department. He totally caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting a compliment at all. I don’t feel so bad about being bottom dog anymore. I’m valuable! They like me!

It made my day. I am currently angst free now.

p.s. The illustration above is from my imaginary project at work. I stole her and brought her home with me. I figure if she’s never going to go anywhere, she might as well make it to the blog. Who knows though, you might see her on a direct mail piece someday.

Thank You

I had a rough day today. Nothing horrible. Just difficult. I take comfort in those crazy stories of pregnant women who go completely psycho. I don’t think I am going psycho but I’m just not going it as well as I usually do. I can’t even really pin point what set me off. I think it’s mostly because all I can think about is the baby. All I want to talk about is the baby. I feel like I’ll go crazy if I don’t find somebody to talk about the baby with. And sometimes I can’t find anybody to talk to about the baby. I feel like I’m driving everybody crazy with all my baby talk but if I don’t talk, I’ll go crazy. Sounds psycho doesn’t it? If I’m making any sense at all. Maybe there are some mom readers out there who can translate this jumbled paragraph for the rest of the world. I can’t think of better words to say what I’m trying to say.

I just want to close with this thought: You know that email that gets forwarded a zillion times that goes on about how girlfriends are important. How men will come and go in your life but it’s your mom or your sister or your friend who will be there when you need them. Well it’s true. And I just want to thank that girlfriend who was there for me today. Thank you. Thank you for listening and letting me cry.

Thank you.