an in-between post

love in a chair

I wanted to be brilliant and write a funny blog post about how Baby Bug is such a girly-girl these days, what with her twirling and wearing a tutu and all the adorable things she does all day long but then I woke up with this horrible sad fog on my brain and it just won’t leave. Why! Why do I do this somedays? And more importantly why am I blogging about it?

Usually the sad fog stems from some little hurt feeling somewhere and all I need to do is find that hurt feeling, give it a swift flick in the ass and move on. But I can’t find the hurt feeling. Sure, little things have happened here and there… like a client didn’t like the logo I made, I’ve almost gained all my gallbladder sickness weight back (ugh. so hate self right now), someone I was expecting an email from didn’t email me back yet, just stuff. Just riff raff in my head like junk in the trunk.

I think I just need to watch a sad movie or something and get the cry out already. I hate it when I’m like this. If I wasn’t a mom I would take myself out to a movie and cry it out in the dark all by myself. I can’t cry around the baby. Besides crying is for wimps and I have bigger and better things to do today. Like my Aunt always said, “Being sad is a luxury you can’t afford.” Plah. Like everything else I can’t afford.

So I’m hoping that I can just share a little here and move on. I also want to say hello and thank you for all the nice comments about my little paintings in the last post. I’m feeling much better about them. I had some super super super cute pictures of baby bug in her tutu to show you but her Daddy decided that the whole internet doesn’t need to see Baby Bug shirtless. So, I’m sorry. You’ll just have to imagine her adorableness.

I should be sent to my room

Wow. It’s been an ugly couple of days for me. I am so not proud of how I’ve handled myself. Not that I’ve shared it here but you can read between the lines (Or ask Toby). I guess I could blame it on pms but I hate using that as a cop out. I’m a better woman than that. I can handle my emotions…. sorta, except when people piss me off or I’m hungry or tired or …awake. I wonder why God made us cycle through this? I’m sure the hormones are doing more than just keeping the reproductive organs functioning. I bet it’s part of survival. Perhaps we need to be unhappy for spells so we are forced to make changes. I always come out on the other side of these things feeling like a better person. But it sure is sucky in the meantime. Ups and downs. Ups and downs… it’s just the way life is.

I’m not doing so well without the camera. I didn’t realize how much I used it as a blogging tool. I almost said “crutch” but I don’t really view photography that negatively. I guess I just want to say, my hats off to you writerely bloggers. You have to summon up entertainment out of your own brain for every post. I just take pictures and let them tell me what to write.

Life without a camera has been slowing me down as well as twitter. Twitter is great for me because I love writing in little 140 word blurbs but it also makes me feel incredibly boring sometimes. I mean how many times can I write that I’m eating a waffle or doing dishes? Snore. Snore. Snoresville.

I’m thinking about going out to the sticks. I know I should stay home and do something for mother’s day but I know Toby has nothing planned and I don’t feel like planning something myself. My mother-in-law has an eating disorder (physical not mental) and so that crosses out going to brunch or anything like that. I should plan something nice like a boat ride or I have no idea. I’m soooooooo uninspired. I just want to bang my head on the counter.

What am I doing? I told myself no more of this behavior that I’m ashamed of! Aaagh! Okay. Typing typing typing. I am a happy camper. The sun is shining. The dishes are done. If I don’t look too hard I don’t see the crud in the grout of my kitchen counter tiles. See! I swear my brain is wired wrong some days. Can’t finish a single paragraph without going down to the negs.

I think I’ll just stop and say HAPPY WEEKEND and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY and aren’t you glad you aren’t hanging out with me lately! See you on the flip side with a smile on, I promise.