• Family Matters,  Life Lessons,  place holder posts,  Slow Living,  spilling my guts

    Pain Points Create Change

    walking-in-the-morning

    It feels like the end of an era. It’s summer but you can feel fall and the holidays just peeking over the horizon, getting ready to smash right into you and mow you flat. Isn’t that how the next season always is? We loll about complaining about the heat of summer and the endlessly long days of filling time and then WHAMBAMIT’STHEHOLIDAYS! Why weren’t you paying attention?!  Except, this year I am prepared. (Well, not really but you know…) I can feel the impending doom.  I can also anticipate crisp days and maybe, just maybe a chance to wear a sweater and think about drinking something hot and cozy and pumpkin flavored… maybe not the pumpkin flavored part, but you know what I mean.

    Oh Brenda, so melodramatic.

    I have to say: times have been tough for me lately. Financially, the *stuff* is finally hitting the fan. You all knew it was coming. A girl can only last on her good looks, sparkling personality and savings account for so long and my apartment on a single income is FREAKIN EXPENSIVE!!

    So I have to find a job. I am commencing The Great Job Search of 2022. Pray that I find one before 2023. Because things are going to get GRIM. If they aren’t already.

    morning-on-the-golfcourse

    Job searching in your fifties is humbling. I realize how out of touch I am with today’s talent. I know I have a lot of marketable skills and plenty of talents of my own to offer but I have been off the job search grid for a very long time! I feel like I’ve aged out. Who is going to hire a fifty-something washed-up old mom when you have college students with amazing digital portfolios, speaking all the latest game speak, clamoring for your attention? UX what? I seriously need to learn the lingo.

    I realize I can’t give up and I can’t get discouraged.  I don’t have a choice. There are lots of companies that I could work for and do a really great job for. I just have to find them and find a way to tell them I am worth the chance. I’m really creative and if I look hard enough I’ll find something. I have to. Or I get a minimum wage job. Maybe that’s not the end of the world. I always wanted to work at a coffee shop or as a cake decorator or maybe get into floral design again. I have a lot of skills and I do love to work.

    the-end-of-a-season

    I’ve been doing all the tricks to not get too stressed out. I take walks with my dad early in the morning. He’s in the sticks and I’m here in Irvine. We put in our earbuds and we chat for however long it takes to walk three miles. I love it. It’s a great time to check in with my dad and it’s so pretty in the parks near my house. I am really lucky to live in an area where I can wake up at five in the morning and walk along paths with plenty of other early birds and feel perfectly safe. Really lucky. That didn’t happen when I lived in the sticks. I had to join a gym to get exercise because I was afraid to walk in my own neighborhood.

    I just have to keep reminding myself I’ve been through hard times before and I’ll go through hard times again. I’m equipped. I’m not alone. I have lots of friends and family (and you guys!) who are rooting me on. Something will change. Every time I’ve been in a tight spot before I’ve made some changes that were instrumental in getting myself onto a better path. I started illustrating alphabet cards when I was down before and they sold like hotcakes! I used to illustrate free banners and that helped my blog get noticed. I illustrated books for a friend who then turned around and published them and made me a successful author. I never planned that. I just did it.  I’m at a pain point but pain points are necessary for progress. If I keep going the way I’ve been going I’d end up homeless. No bueno. Not gonna happen. I’m not too proud to work hard.

    peace-on-the-water-where-are-the-turtles

    But yeah, it’s been hard. Everyone is going through hard times right now. I’m lucky that I have a computer, internet, and some marketable skills, and I’m loved and cared for. That’s a lot more than what so many people have. I see more and more homeless around. More and more mental illness. More and more frustration everywhere… It’s heartbreaking.

    deep-breaths

    Look at the beauty. I just have to stay in the present and not think too hard about the future. Things will work out. They always do.

    the-story-of-the-orange-gun

    I have a funny story to share. I’ve recently reconnected with a very good friend (whom I will tell you about at some point) and I was telling him about this story the other day. Then, a day later on my walk through my neighborhood, I spotted this orange plastic gun (which is very much like the orange plastic gun in my story) in a pile of toys near a trash dumpster.

    I love dumpsters in apartment complexes. When people move out they drop off all sorts of random items that they don’t want to move with them. And if their junk is particularly good junk they will leave it right outside the dumpster because they can’t bear to throw the junk out with all the other smelly trash. They leave, hoping some other poor apartment dweller will find value in it. I do sometimes! I’m not too proud to be a dumpster diver when I don’t actually have to dive into a dumpster. It’s a right-next-to-dumpster dive!

    So anyway, my story. A long time ago when I was living in the Bay Area, going to college in Hayward, I decided to go out with my friends late at night. We were going to go dancing in a club in San Francisco, our favorite pastime back then. Except my friends lived in the next town over and I was by myself in Hayward. We organized a meet-up via BART in Berkeley. I would ride one stop on the BART train to my friends and then we would drive together to the city.  It was late. Maybe 10 or 11 at night.  I dressed in what I thought was proper club attire and got on BART. But then once I was on BART all by myself I realized how badly I had chosen to dress for my late-night train trip. I was wearing a blazer as a dress and it came just to the bottom of my butt cheeks. You know, the look back then. Perfect for dancing on speakers and getting all the guys’ attention.

    Not so great for riding BART all by yourself as a naive twenty-something college girl. Sure enough, some guy started talking to me. He wasn’t talking nicely either. He inferred that I “worked for a living” and he was going to do something about it. I was starting to get really scared. I backed away from him as far as I could but we were the only ones on the train and there wasn’t really anywhere for me to go. I did the only thing left to do. I prayed. I prayed for God to keep me safe.

    Then suddenly out of nowhere, a homeless man came walking down the aisle of the train towards me like an old western gun-slinging sheriff character out of a Disney movie. It was comical. He was dressed in ragged clothes like a scarecrow, a loose necktie, a scruffy beard…the whole nine yards, and in his hands he had a bright orange plastic gun. The gun was real looking except for its neon orange-ness. It even had that bullet cylinder that opens and spins so you can empty the bullets out or refill them. He was spinning that cylinder like he was playing Russian Roulette and talking up a storm.

    I don’t even remember what he said but he was super chatty. He talked to me the entire way to my stop and the other guy who was giving me a hard time got up and moved away. It was an answer to prayers. To this day I think that homeless man was an angel watching over me.

    So you can see why when I saw that orange gun outside the dumpster I had to pick it up.

    I carried it on my walk for a while and then set it down in the grass in the park for someone else. I don’t need a plastic gun. I just need the memory that came with it.

    pics-from-the-road

    In other news!!!! Amber and Bean made it to Iowa!!! It was a long difficult trip but they made it!!!

    they-made-it

    I am so happy for them. Their place might not look like much, it’s just a beat-up old trailer,  but when you’re getting off the streets for the first time and moving into your very own home as a family, it is a mansion. They are going to make it! They are going to have jobs and pay taxes and Bean is going to grow up and have a yard to play in. It’s beautiful.  They’ve been apart for so long and missed each other so much. This is a love story. I’m happy I got to be part of it. Thank YOU readers for being part of it. This is the best part of a happy story. I just want to give everyone who helped them a big hug and say thank you. THANK YOU!!!

    And soon hopefully I’ll get to tell my happy story. I’m still stuck in some rough chapters but this story has an arc like no other.

    inky-2

    Love you guys.

    P.S. If you’re hiring, hit me up.

     

  • Family Matters,  Life Lessons

    Dream Catchers

    dream-catchers-1

    I love the words: dream catcher. Not “dreamcatcher” as in a hoop with a net that catches dreams and protects children in their beds, though I love those too, but just the words dream and catcher. I think of it as a person who catches dreams. We should all be dream catchers, no? I love nothing more than to dream up something big and then go and catch it! It rarely happens but when it does, it’s magical. I’ve been lucky to catch quite a few dreams in my life.  So when Amber (aka Rapunzel) started making them at my house to kill time and maybe start a little cottage business it felt a bit provident.

    A little back story: Amber has been staying at my apartment for a few weeks. This is because she and her husband have been struggling to find a place to live. For years they’ve hopped between couch surfing to living in their car to finally living in a low-income hotel. It wasn’t the best. Life has been very hard for Amber. They left that hotel this last year because it became an unsafe place to raise a child. They planned to live with my mom (who needed help) until Casey, Amber’s husband, found work and they could afford a place of their own but it didn’t pan out. They got kicked out by my parent’s HOA and found themselves bouncing around from family member to family member. Finally, they just gave up on California. Everything is just too expensive here. It’s impossible to find a job that will pay for an apartment unless you have two incomes and a couple of side hustles. Believe me, I’m doing it too and it is killing me.

    Casey decided to try Iowa where his mom lives. He could live with her while he looked for work, so he left his wife and baby behind and set off for Iowa by bus. His luggage got stolen but he made it and found a job working the night shift at a gas station. He saved every penny and hoped to soon find an affordable apartment for his family. Well, you can guess what happened next. Apartment after apartment got taken before he could even get on a waiting list. It’s been six months and nothing has worked out.

    Times are tough for everyone but it was breaking my heart to listen to their phone calls every day. Casey was getting more and more depressed. I was desperately trying to think of ways for Amber to raise money while caring for her high-maintenance toddler. I pulled out my craft supplies and told her she could make anything she wanted. I’ve been wanting to downsize anyway.

    I closed my door so I could work and when I came out four hours later I found Amber tying string together to create a beautiful macromé hanging on my window. What can I say, craftiness runs in the family! I was so impressed I asked what else she could make and when she mentioned dreamcatchers I decided to order the supplies and see what she could do.

    dream-catchers-2

    During naptimes and when Bean is swimming and playing with me, Amber has been steadily creating dreamcatchers. They are beautiful! I told her we could put them in my Etsy shop and sell them. I haven’t set up any shop listings yet but if you are interested, email me and I will get on that. I know dreamcatchers are not going to pay the rent but every little bit helps and Amber can’t really do much else these days with a very active toddler. Not to mention she suffers from Elos Danos, Fibro Myalgia, and Pots… I don’t know much about these diseases but I have seen firsthand that they cause a lot of pain and probably every fourth day or so she struggles to even get out of bed. But she does. You have to when you have a child.

    dream-catchers-3

    Both Amber and I were determined to keep our spirits up. Something had to give. Her husband was getting more and more depressed. Daily phone calls were ending in tears. What could we do? We lit candles and prayed. I talked to everyone I knew, hoping someone would know something or someone who could help.

    dream-catchers-4

    Then out of the blue, an anonymous doner gave them two thousand dollars. It came from a completely unexpected source that I can’t share. Somewhere I wouldn’t have thought of in a thousand years. But here we are. Two thousand dollars to put down on a place! In Iowa that goes a long way.

    Casey wasn’t able to find them an apartment but he did one better. He found them a mobile home they can BUY. Can you believe it? They’ve been homeless for years and finally, they’d be back on the grid and living in their first real home! It was an answer to prayers. They put the 2K down and will make reasonable payments on the rest as well as rent for the ground it sits on.  It’s a real home with two rooms, a kitchen, a laundry room, and even a mud room. They are over the moon. After so many years of hardship, things are starting to look a little bit brighter.

    I should say that going from homeless to living in your own place is not without its difficulties. In fact, every step of the way has been incredibly frustrating. I had the money sent to me and then I had to send it to Casey via money order and it got flagged as probable fraud. When you are down and out keeping a bank account open is a luxury. I spent hours on the phone trying to convince the security team that I was in fact a real person trying to send money to my nephew in law and he was not asking for me to do anything illegal. It’s really hard to get back on the grid.  Really hard.

    dream-catchers-5

    But they did! They’ve been living in my living room, and sleeping on my couch for weeks now but at the end of this week, they will begin their journey back east to live in their own home.

    dream-catchers-6

    It’s amazing. It’s a dream, caught! I didn’t think it could happen. I’ve wanted to help Amber for so long and I’ve struggled to find ways to make a real difference. Sometimes I just felt like I was throwing money in the water because nothing could really get them off the streets and living a better life. Every step they took was one step forward and two steps backward. Being poor is exponentially expensive.

    dream-catchers-8

    But here we are: They have keys and a real home.

     

    Do you need a dream catcher too? Maybe it will work magic for you too.  Hit us up. Amber is selling them for twenty-five bucks and under. If you’d like a custom order she can do that!