Normally, I hate crafts in a box. Why you ask? Because I can and should have invented them before they were a thing. In fact, I did try to create such a thing way back in the day.
Whenever I blogged a craft, I tried to save up enough extra supplies to mail a few friends a “craft in a box” but it never worked out because I was always short one dowel or one button or one tiny tube of red paint or whatever. The half-filled boxes sat around my house collecting dust and annoying me. Basically, I just never got my act together.
You can imagine my chagrin when I walk down the aisles of Michael’s and I see any number of crafts that I invented for my job at alphamom.com all boxed up and on the shelf selling for a eight bucks a pop.
But whatever. I am an inventor not a marketer. (Hold-up. I AM a marketer. What is wrong with me?!!) I’m just not a mass-assembler-machine-robot. I work for myself with no extra elves shopping for me or sweatshops mass-producing what I tell them to. Excuses, excuses…
What is funny is that we get a lot of crafts-in-a boxes for gifts. I guess people think, They’re crafty. I should get them some crafts! That’s logical enough and I am usually really happy to receive such things even though in my head I’m already thinking about how I can regift it to someone else because I am the CRAFT SNOB!! I invented the paintpen+mug/wooden button=mushroom/paint-your-own-teapot/tie-dye sock puppet craft FIRST!!!
When I really start getting snobby-crazy is when they tell me that I should write a blog post about this really cool craft-in-a-box that they bought at Michaels. That’s when I start mumbling to myself and banging my head on the table… But whatever? Right?
I know you are trying to remember if you ever gave me a craft-in-a-box and I assure you that it was not YOU and if you did, I am just about to turn this story around and tell you that YOU ARE MY SAVING GRACE and I will now eat humble pie so don’t get defensive just yet.
Guess what the kids have been doing for days now that I’m trying to work from home and babysit at the same time and summer vacation has been lasting for an eternity and a day? CRAFTS IN BOXES!! That’s right. We are not too proud to open a box and bust out a craft. In fact, I LOVE THEM because my kid is now eight and very self motivated and she can do crafts by herself for hours and hours and hours. She can EVEN READ DIRECTIONS. It’s been amazing.
So thank you, Mom, and everybody else who got us crafts-in-boxes over the years. I’m glad now that I saved them on those very high closet shelves because now it is like Christmas and all day long the kids that file in and out of my superfun! house are being very crafty all by their very crafty selves.
Crafts-in-boxes are a very beautiful thing. Whoever invented them should get a prize. Shoulda been me.
I’m feeling a little bit overwhelmed over here but what else is new, right? You know how when you move into a new place, you manage to keep it perfectly clean and orderly for about a year and a half. Maybe it’s a month and a half for you, but you know what I mean. You have some sense of control over your environment because you just moved into a new place and you unpacked everything to go exactly where it’s supposed to go?
And then after that honeymoon of everything being so fresh and new, you start to let go of control a little. The carpet isn’t always vacuumed everyday and your daughter tracks in bits of grass and the laundry isn’t quite folded the exact same day you washed it and the tracks in your shower door are starting to get moldy and gross and the grout in your kitchen tile is starting to collect coffee grinds…bla bla bla…?
Maybe it’s just me. I’m having one of those everything-is-gross-and-I’m-really-super-hyper-aware-of-it moments. Like I drank too much coffee and I need to pick at everything kinda feeling. I hate that. Life can be a little too vivid sometimes. I need to dial my awareness back a notch or drink two glasses of wine instead of the usual one.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hi before I have to slap up another sponsored post. You guys are going to start thinking I only blog for money these days. Sad. Pathetic. What happened to my life where I blogged every little fart that passed?
So what else is new?
I dabbled in a little online dating this week. Of the free variety. What a crock!!! Oh my goodness. You know, there are a lot of creeps out there. I started chatting with three guys and all three of them turned out to be scam artists. In fact they may have all been the same scam artist using three different profiles. Thankfully, I caught on before I gave them my social security number and credit cards. Sheesh! Maybe the magazine-quality bio photos should have been a red flag? Hmmm….. I may be lonely but I’m not that lonely. I have met two real people who seem to be interesting. It’s kind of scary and fun at the same time. I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I just hope they are as old and hopeless as I am. Or that they aren’t as old and hopeless as I am. It’s scary meeting people that you don’t know. You advertise your best self and then they are disappointed when you show up with a few extra pounds and a double chin or you under-advertise and you end up meeting whackos who are so insecure you have three online fights with them over whether or not you are really interested enough to meet in public. Maybe meeting someone at a bar is not so bad after all. I’m starting to think I do need to be drunk to date again.
But don’t worry. I’m fine. It was just something fun one day when I was bored and Bug was away on vacation with her dad. I am not becoming one of those moms who goes out every night. I probably am not going to meet anyone until I’m 60. We’ll have a hot shuffleboard date.
Secondly. I’m a little bent out of shape with amazon.com lately. Have you noticed my book is out of stock every single day? I thought it was because it was so popular it was flying off the shelves. No. That is not the case at all. I sold about 37 books. Seriously.
They are just not printing them. Some kind of distribution battle between the actual printer and amazon. I’m just over it. If you want to buy my books, I say click over to Barnes and Noble. They don’t seem to have a problem keeping them on the virtual shelves.
In other book news, I will be reading at the Mesa Verde Library in Costa Mesa this Thursday the 12th at 7pm. I plan to do a little craft too and I don’t have anyone lined up to read the French parts for me so that might be a little piece of entertainment for you locals. Come listen to me make a fool of myself!
What’s new with you, pussycats?