A spooky ghost story (sort of)

jack o lantern row

There I was on a dark and stormy night, doing dishes by the light of the moon. Tree branches cast long shadows across my countertops and scratched their long bony fingers across my soapy hands. Dish after dish, I soaped and rinsed. I set them beside me on the little rickety wooden dish rack to dry.

From time to time the water in the sink would stop draining properly and a pool of murk would rise up from the depths below. Dried bits of cheese and broken spaghetti noodles would swirl and swish in the dirty water. This didn’t scare me. Our plumbing is bad and I am used to drainage problems.

Just a quick surge of power from the garbage disposal would be all I needed to grind up whatever was blocking the water from draining and I’d be back in business washing dishes and hurrying off to bed.

It was getting cold and my warm bed called me. I could feel a chill creeping up from the linoleum floor, across my bare feet and up my night dress to the little hairs on the back of my neck. Brrrrr. I hated doing dishes at night.

I leaned over and flipped the switch of the garbage disposal and immediately a loud grinding gurgle errupted from below the sink. A giant bubbling mountain of gray water shot from the drain towards the ceiling. The dish I was holding flew out of my hand and shattered on the floor. Cups and saucers clattered and broke in all directions. I staggered backwards, blocking my face from the spray of warm greasy water and tried to get away.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not escape. The floor was slippery. I lost my footing and fell, nearly knocking myself out on the corner of my red refrigerator. The water continued to spray out of my sink and soon I was drenched to the bone.

A voice spoke from beneath. It seemed to be coming from behind the cupboard where the garbage disposal itself was housed. The doors rattled and my windows shook.

“I am the ghost of your garbage disposal,” it cried in a high pitched whine. “I have come to vipe your vindows!”

Wait. That’s not how it went. Scratch all that. Scratch everything except the part about where gray water shot out of my drain. That really happened. I wasn’t doing dishes at night and it didn’t shoot all the way to the ceiling but this did really happen to me and it scared the crap out of me.

Apparently, our pipes are old and there is a giant clog. When you try to run your garbage disposal with a giant clog, it repels all the water in the opposite direction. This may be the direction of the person who is washing dishes. It can be quite frightening to someone who is not expecting it.

Our sink is out of commission. It’s been that way since Saturday. Toby dumped some very strong super duper plumbing chemicals down it and all that did was skunk Baby Bug and I out of the house. At this time I am at my mom’s in the sticks because the smell of sulfur was so strong, I couldn’t go five feet near my kitchen. I was afraid for poor Baby Bug’s brain cells. We are staying away until it is fixed.

Toby spent all day yesterday negotiating with our landlord and I think things will be fixed by tomorrow. (Toby is my hero.) From what I hear, they are ripping up the kitchen floor and replacing great lengths of pipe. This could be exciting for us since I am inviting my whole crazy family to my house tomorrow to go trick or treating.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Slobs of the Internet Unite!

my sexy no-prescription glasses

Hi! Do you like my glasses? Don’t they make me look smart? Do I look a little bit like Whoorl? No? Oh well. The truth is I do not need glasses. I have perfect vision. Better than perfect, in fact. BUT I love glasses! I want to look smart and sexy like a librarian! So when Toby decided he didn’t like these and never got around to getting his prescription glass put in, guess what…. I get them!!!! Wheeeee! I’m so going to wear these as a secret disguise.

9/27 part 2

A secret disguise to distract you from my slobby attire! Ha ha ha ha… Okay, whatever. Nothing can help this outfit. It was laundry day yesterday and we spent the day at the doctor’s office instead of doing laundry.

Baby Bug might have an ear infection. She’s been cranky and sticking her finger in her ear. I gave her chocolate just to stop the crying for one second and now her ear is covered in chocolate. I tried to wipe it off with a wet paper towel but that made her scream bloody murder. I figured that was a pretty obvious symptom so I made an appointment with her pediatrician.

The chocolate smudges in her ear did make a handy indicator for the doctor to figure out which ear was bothering her. The doctor said it wasn’t serious, probably just a virus, so we went home none the wiser. I’m actually glad that she’s not getting antibiotics but I’m sure we picked up a whole slew of new viruses while waiting in the germ infested waiting room. I wish I could know these things before I heft her off to the house of horrors. Poor Bug. She was sure she was going to get a shot again.

My first picture for my "I dress like a slob every day" pool

Back to my horrible outfit. As you can see, this is totally normal for me. I dress like this every day. It is sad and pathetic and I am not proud of it. But life has got me in it’s grip right now so I might as well have a little fun with it, right? I decided to make my own flickr pool called “I dress like a slob every day”. You know, in parody of the ever fashionable and trim-as-a-whip Ms. Susan Wagner of Friday Playdate? Maybe you are familiar with her Working Closet pool? I’ve been following it for quite a while, wishing I could play. But sadly, I don’t own any fancy clothes like that. And if I did I’d probably hide them because Baby Bug would smear greasy goldfish cracker oil on them and ruin them.

slob badge

And with that I bid you to go check it out and join yourself if you are so inclined. I’ve even made a little badge for you to put in your sidebar if you like. No hard feelings if you don’t want to advertise your slobdom. I’m totally with you. We should not embrace our slovenliness. My father-in-law is probably disowning me right this very minute.

p.s. Letters next post, I promise.