BIG news,  Moody Blues,  Slow Living,  The Desert,  the sticks

There’s a free calendar at the end of this post.

hemet-sunrises

I don’t even know where to start with this post. Everyone asks me how I’m doing, and I make up some bullshit story about “healing in the desert” because it sounds good. But I’m here because I have nowhere else to go. I couldn’t cut it in the OC anymore, and since Bug moved out, it just didn’t make sense for me to deplete my retirement by paying rent on an apartment I couldn’t afford. So I packed up and moved home to my parents. It was a huge relief to give up finally. I’d been fighting it for what seemed like forever. I was hustling every side job I could find, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, borrowing from friends, knowing I’d never be able to pay them back…I was getting rejection letters every day from jobs I’d applied to months before. It was hopeless.

My mental health has taken a blow, but there is a little bit of truth to my bullshit story about healing in the desert. I feel the sun out here. It gives me hope. I am solar-powered, and every time I feel the sun on my face, I breathe in and out more easily.

the-last-move-please

When I lived in Costa Mesa, it was foggy every day.  I was close to the ocean but not close enough to walk. The ocean came to me in a big bank of fog. My apartment was dark. I know it looks bright in photos, but it isn’t. I tried to make it pretty and appreciate the ducks and the trees in the neighborhood… but when it was too cold to sit outside, I felt like I was living in a cave. The low popcorn ceiling, the few windows on only one side, and the cloudy days blended into a dark mood that wouldn’t lift.

calibration

Coming here has been a breath of fresh air. I feel so lucky that my parents live in the prettiest part of an otherwise depressed town. They are on the outskirts of Hemet in the low hills. The horizon is vast. As far as I can see, I see rocks and hills and shrubbery, and the skies go on forever. There isn’t any fog. Just dry, cold air. It’s the high desert; right now, it’s very dry and chilly. But I grew up here, so it’s sentimental. I am a desert child.

deck-for-one

Every morning, I wake up super early and watch the sunrise. I’d go for walks, but the coyotes are kind of creepy out here, so Cody and I stay close to home until it gets light. I was sitting in the vines of dead raspberry bushes in a raised garden, but my dad built me a little platform. I love being around my dad because he’s super handy and has every tool you can imagine. I can’t wait until summer when we have a thriving garden.

just-when-i-think-I-got-this

But right after I got here, my parents left for Texas to take care of my brother, who had hip surgery. He had some complications and is in some pain, so they are staying with him until he heals a bit and gets settled. I miss my parents. I feel like I’ve been out here alone for months, even though it’s only been a few weeks.

power-out

The power went out for three days to make things even more challenging. I’m not mad about it, though, because SCE is taking all precautions so that the high winds don’t knock down wires and start fires. Where my parents live in a high-risk fire area. When I see the devastation in Los Angeles as I scroll through Instagram, I am thankful for all these precautions.  I miss my dad, though. Trying to find my way around in the dark was scary, as was figuring out how to turn the generator on and hook up the refrigerator so the food inside didn’t go bad. Afterward, I felt like such a survivor. But the dark did get old quickly. There isn’t much worth doing when the sun sets at 5:30, so I’d go to bed and sleep. Then I’d be up super early and start all over again.

survival

I cooked my food on the gas stove (thank the Lord my parents have gas!), read books, and one day drove to the library to do some work.

powers-on

Then, magically, on day three, the power turned back on! It was so amazing and wonderful. I think I felt like how people think crawdads are the most delicious food they’ve ever tasted when they’ve been starving for weeks. Crawdads are not delicious. Well, not to me, anyway. LED lights in the kitchen aren’t impressive either until you’ve bumped around in the dark for three days. Then they are the best invention ever!

hemet-sunrises-sunsets

The winds are still whipping around, so I brace myself for another outage. Until then, I’m typing out a blog post and dropping a calendar for you to proof!

starting-over-in-hemet

This is just for you, Cathy: a free calendar. Please proofread it and let me know if there are any errors.

 

***UPDATE TO ADD NEW CORRECTED CALENDAR***

I am planning on taking this blog down this year. I’m in the process of copying and pasting it into a digital document for Bug and her cousins so that it will be up for a while. I’ve got twenty-plus years of content to copy and paste. Maybe I’ll want to keep going by the end of it, but I’m ready for a change. Secret Agent Josephine has lived her days. Thank you for reading all these years. I’ll keep you posted on Instagram.

xo

24 Comments

  • Cathy

    Waita holda, ending the blog? I get it, but reading it over the years has become a familiar comfort getting SAJ n Bug updates. You’re such a good writer, artist and photographer, thanks for bringing us along for the ride! And appreciate the calendar! I see two 30s at the end of April on a quick pass, will look again at work in the morning. Btw, the desert looks good on you. Can’t wait to see what this new chapter brings, Hemet He-Woman! ???

    • SAJ

      Who knows… maybe I’ll find a new place to blog. I do like to write. I just don’t know if it’s relevant anymore. Obviously it is because my good friends are chiming in. I wanted to do substack but I just can’t get behind a paywall. I know I’d never want to pay so I figure you guys wouldn’t either. However this site costs me $75 a month to keep going so I need to downsize. In fact if it goes offline it’s because I finally didn’t pay the bill.

      • Brandon

        $75/month? Oof. I guess that’s been the one nice thing about Blogger. I have followed some folks on substack – I didn’t think they required a subscription cost, though? I thought that was optional?

  • LongStoryLonger

    I’ve loved reading you for so many years. I’m a child of the desert, too, and find brown rolling hills and dusty areas with not much life absolutely beautiful. I think there can be some peace in surrendering and letting go of things that weren’t working out anyway. I hope this ends up being a good season for you. ??

    • Elaine Cahill

      Long time lurker de lurking! I’ve read your blog since you were staying in a trailer on your folks property with lil Bug. Love your art, photography, and reading all about your life! I’ll really miss it. I’m not on Instagram ( don’t want to support it now for sure!) so I won’t be able to follow you there. Realize it’s expensive to keep the blog going and time is always an issue so I understand if you want to shut it down but would appreciate it being kept going maybe on a limited basis! Also, it’s considerate that you announced your departure. So many blogs just go dark with no explanation- it’s like losing a friend in a way. Anyway, I wish you and Bug the very best in the future!

  • Lisa

    I have enjoyed reading your blog since big was a baby. I still use an RSS feed so I have followed along all these years. I will miss reading the blog when it goes.

  • Anna

    I started reading your blog when I moved to another country, other language, other culture. Reading about your life so creative and your relationship with your daughter did me good and still does. I am glad you have found your size in the place that suits you best, nice idea to save everything for your daughter and granddaughters. Thank you again for your company and for sharing so much about yourself.
    As they say here (Switzerland): Toi Toi Toi for your next life.

  • Heather

    I will be very sad to find this blog gone. I’ve been following your adventures since you were pregnant with Bug. My daughters are a little older than she is and it was fun to remember all those stages of motherhood which you so eloquently and humorously captured.

    I’m glad you’ve returned to peace and tranquility in the desert, even though it also has some challenges. You’ve been through some rough times and you need some self care and love.

    My blog still exists but I haven’t updated it in 10 years. Most of my connections are on Facebook now. I’m also in the process of backing it up, and potentially printing it. Oddly enough, my daughters LOVE the blog and visit it at least weekly. They like to challenge each other’s memories of certain events and settle arguments over when things happened, and the blog is the definitive record of their childhood.

    Sending you good vibes for a joyful 2025, from cool and foggy Seattle, WA, where it’s dark by 4:45pm this time of year.

  • Gingermog

    I’m so proud of you, your the bravest, most resilient person I know. I’m glad you can finally rest and feel the sun on your face.

    As you know I have loved your blog, meeting you through it and becoming your friend was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. Thank you. We’ll always be friends even if you need to take it down. ??

  • Gingermog

    I’m so proud of you, your the bravest, most resilient person I know. I’m glad you can finally rest and feel the sun on your face.

    As you know I have loved your blog, meeting you through it and becoming your friend was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. Thank you. We’ll always be friends even if you need to take it down. ??

  • Lauren

    Oh no, I am so sad that the blog will be gone!!!!!! I mean obviously, you do you of course. But social media is just not the same. I’m glad you are preserving it though. Will miss your posts and all those memories of you and bug on the beach. xoxo

  • K

    I, too, have been reading your blog since the beginning and living vicariously through your ups and downs. My observation is that you are a brilliant, resilient lady and while I will miss your missives and musings should you bring your blog to an end, I can only wish for you the peace, love and strength in mind, body and soul that you so deserve as you wander off into your next life chapter.

  • Heather

    I’ll miss your site when it’s gone. I’ve been a reader since BabyBug was a baby. Now our babies are both grown and we’re in different stages of life, but I still consider you an online “friend.” I’m really glad you’re healing in the desert. Sending good vibes your way.

    • Melissa

      Say it isn’t so! I too have been reading since Bug was a baby. I’ve always admired your creative & artistic talent. I know blogging has changed since then, but I still check in hoping for an update.

      I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do next. Keep on creating, and enjoy life in the desert. ?

  • Kristen

    Glad I found your site many many years ago. You did commisioned paintings for our 4 pets, and three have them have died. I love those small reminders of Red, Jester, and Patch.

    Calendar edits: you have Easter in both March and April. April is correct. You have Good Friday in March; that date is wrong, and you don’t have Good Friday in April. There are two April 30th. In the May joke, spell Veggies with 2 “g”s. St Patrick’s Day is always Mar 17 (not the 16th). Presidents’ Day or Presidents Day in Feb… do the apostrophe after the s or no apostrophe (Chicago Style Manual and AP style don’t agree), but President’s Day is definitely wrong.

    I LOVE the strawberry motif!

  • Debra

    Always love your posts and sending all best thoughts that after the desert reset, some lucky breaks will come your way, you deserve it ! So sad to see th blog go, I loved the early days of blogs when they weren’t marketing pieces and just a really nice way to cheer people on that you might not ever meet but care about. But I totally get it, I had one for years myself and now it is gone !

  • coco

    coming out of shadows to say over the years – from the desert and back to the desert – I’ve followed your story – feeling in many ways that it was a conversation with my past self (my ‘bug’ is about 6 years older than yours) . it was very healing to me – and in cheering you on from the sidelines, I learned to cheer myself on. thank you :)

  • Marie

    I have likely said this a lot to you but will keep doing so as I love and adore your writing, photos, and updates. I would be so sad if you took down your blog, but at the end of the day/month/year/whathaveyou, you always need to do what’s best for you.

    I was telling an online friend a day or two ago how so very much I miss the days of blogging, saving the blogs in Google reads and rss feeds (including yours!), and what an awesome and wonderful community it was before the facebooks and instagrams and all those junk social platforms now full of ads and algorithms took over.

    Also, and last but very much in no way least, it’s so wonderful you are back with your parents. Spend as much time with them (once they are back) as possible. Life is so short and the older I’ve gotten, the more I just want to be around my family (but alas mine are just way too far away).

    Sending you sooooooo much love and hugs!

  • Tina C Miles

    I’m embarassed to admit I somehow found you back in the days of early Bug. I had my 2nd son around the same time you had her, and I was so surprised to realize it’s been 19 years, and yeah, I’ve just been reading and never commenting. I’m so sorry for your downs right now, I was wanting more ups for you. I’m glad you’re out in the desert, soaking up the sun. Thank you for sharing your creativity!

  • Bea

    I also have been reading since before Bug. I have loved seeing your beautiful creativity and love for your family shine through all the years. Best of luck with your new endevours.

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