Coping Mechanisms

As if life during quarantine wasn’t hard enough, I’ve decided to quit drinking. I hate to talk about such things because it usually sets me up for failure and then I feel like an ass mixing up a beautiful Brendarita on a happy festive afternoon. I’ve never thought I seriously had a drinking problem but I do have a problem *thinking about drinking* so I’ve come to the conclusion that for me, that is enough of a problem. I’m tired of feeling bad about it. Sober Brenda hates Drunk Brenda and Drunk Brenda hates Sober Brenda.  I know it’s controversial and lots of people drink without any problems. I drink without any problems too, except the self-hate the next morning. I don’t even get hangovers. I get guilt-overs.

I don’t know if I’ll be successful. I’ve tried lots of times before and never really lasted more than a few days. But it is what I want to do right now. I figure I don’t have much to lose blogging about it. You’ll still love me if I fail. And if I fail it doesn’t mean I’m a falling down drunk. I just want to practice self control and stop feeling bad in the mornings. It’s all part of the mental health journey, I guess.

Moving on to the worries: Will I be un-fun now? What will I do to pass the time when we are relaxing watching a show on tv at night? That is what Payam and I do. We sip and watch tv and talk. It’s one of our favorite things. So now I’ll sit and watch and drink tea and probably be way too high maintenance with my hamster brain worrying problem. I expect it to be hard. I’ve subscribed to some online programs. I think they will help me through the hard parts. What about camping without wine next week? That’s going to be a drag. Will I steep tea on the campfire? Just go to bed early all the time?

Tomatogate Day 2

Those rat bastards! They chewed through my orange bag netting and went to town on my big fat green tomatoes. I hope they get green tomato stomach aches.

Grrrrrrrrrr…. I guess I knew it was a possibility. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t seen rat chew through things before.

Stupid rats. Thankfully, today is the day I get my vegetable box delivered and in it were two containers of strawberries and one container of heirloom tomatoes. (I know, I spend all this time gardening and I can just buy heirloom tomatoes for four bucks or so… It’s not about the money. It’s the experience!) So I processed my strawberries (cut them up and put them in glass containers so my picky kids will snack on them) and I put my heirloom tomatoes on the counter and THEN I took those plastic containers and popped them around my ripening green tomatoes in my garden.

Take that you stupid rats!  Mwahahahahaahahahaah!

Cross your fingers this works. If anything it’s giving me something to blog about.

The whole Facebook deactivation did not work. It turns out I use a zillion apps that use Facebook for log-in identification and every time I try to use one of those apps, they automatically welcome me back to Facebook. Grrrr. I’d permanently delete Facebook but I admit it is useful for messaging people and finding old high school friends etc… So I guess I’m back but I’m not checking it or posting anything. I am staying OFF because now I have so much time to do other things like blog about tomatoes! Priorities, right? I am digging the daily blogging. It’s fun to be blabbering away in my own space on the internet that nobody really pays attention to except my favorite friends.

Thank you for all the depression post commenty-love. As you can tell I am pretty much back to normal. I always think I am manic depressive because I bounce back so quickly but my doctor assures me that I am not. I guess I don’t go on crazy spending sprees or remodel my house. I just think up crafts and talk more. It’s a good thing though. I’m not going to complain.

Next week we are going camping (I hope. Cross your fingers the campground doesn’t get closed due to Covid-19) and I am going to ask a friend to take care of my tomatoes while I’m gone. Do you think they’ll make it? That is the question. Hopefully, my new tomato cages don’t cook the tomatoes into mush. I did put up a shade cloth. I hope that does the trick.

Love you guys!