The Third Tri-Monster

It’s six in the morning and I am afraid. I am afraid of the Third Tri-Monster (echo: monster… monster… monster….). Yesterday I took my regular walk to the beach and it took me an hour an a half! An hour and a half!!!! That’s twice as long as it should take. Back in the day ( oh those hazy days of pre-pregnancy glory, when I used to have a skinny neck and only one chin) the walk used to take 45 minutes tops. Now it’s taking me an hour and a half! What is going on with me? Why am I so slow?

Why does every step hurt? If I go too fast I get shin splints. I asked my doctor why I would get shin splints and she answered me as if that was the stupidest question on the planet. Well, duh, it’s the extra weight you’re carrying around. I always thought getting shin splints had to do with not drinking enough water. So I’ve been guzzling and it does seem to help but on those days that I eat pizza the night before… I’m toast. It’s shin splint carnival the whole way to the beach and back. I have to stop and rest at least three times along the way.

I shouldn’t really complain. I’m still walking. I’m still out and about. I went to the mall with Toby yesterday (which is a whole day exercise when it comes to shopping with Toby) and I was fine…. well mostly. After a while I started to think that the space between my legs, you know where my hoo-haw is, was starting to stretch. It probably is. But it’s a creepy feeling. And it’s not something you can really bring up in conversation.

As I’m sunk into the deepest chair in the shoe store, waiting for Toby to examine his fifty-ninth pair of suede shoes that are not quite the right color, I answer the sales women’s questions with a smile. I really want to say, “I’m dying! My hoo haw is stretching and I feel like I’m made of rubber. I’m turning into Gumby with a bowling ball attached to my stomach. If I’m not careful the bowling ball is going roll over my legs and I’ll roll right over all these crazy shopping people.” But I don’t. I just keep it to myself and pretend I am the “glowing pregnant woman”. Everybody loves to hear that you feel great. Nobody wants to hear about your hoo haw.

But that was yesterday. Today I am up at the crack of dawn trying to get up enough gumption to go on my morning walk. I’m afraid it’s going to be harder than yesterday. I mean, I am really afraid. Like jitters in my stomach before a job interview afraid. I don’t want to have a bad day. Bad days lead to “all-or-nothing thinking” and “all-or-nothing thinking” leads to crying… and I hate the crying….I wish I had a personal coach to cheer me on. I can’t stop walking yet. I have two and a half more months to go. I need to keep walking for one more month.

Party Hog

Is it tacky that I just made and sent out my own shower invitations? I just couldn’t help myself. The hostess of the party was asking me what I would like and this and that… So I told her what I really really would like, would be to make my own invitations. Because that’s what I do! I make invitations. It’s fun and easy and I’m my own best customer because I know exactly what I want. How could I settle for store bought when I could make some in the perfect color and size and even with a real tea bag! I begged and pleaded.

She reluctantly let me, on the grounds that it was a gift to me to let me make my own shower invitations. If I had my way, I’d plan and throw the whole party… but that is taking it too far. I’m such a party hog. Just the same, I am very excited about this party. It’s going to be a tea party with pink cup cakes. I love pink and I love cup cakes!

I sort of like tea.