The Pregnancy Induced Eating Disorder

The Pregnancy Induced Eating Disorder

This is a picture of the salad I have driven all the way across town to get, TWICE. I planned out a third trip but it was foiled by inefficient errand running and restrictive time commitments. Hate that. You would not want to be sitting next to me in the passenger seat of my car on that day! No one wants to endure the wrath of a pregnant woman who has been kept from her Chinese Chicken Salad with poppy seed dressing and driving in traffic at the same time. It was not a pretty sight.

This is the salad that has made me plot intricate plans about how I am going to introduce myself to the owner of the tiny hole in the wall restaurant, endear him to me in my poor sickly state and then ask him to please open up a new location that is not all the way across town. This is the salad that I have decided is the reason I am going to nickname my little bug of a baby, “Poppy”. There is something in this rubbery chicken salad that is the only thing I can digest at certain times of the day. I am trying to work up enough courage to ask the owner what the secret ingredient is, but I am too shy (or embarrassed). I think I will wait until they start to recognize me (because I am there every other day) or I start to show and they will put two and two together. Maybe they will have my salad waiting for me before I even show up.

The thing is it’s not that I’m having cravings for certain foods. That would make things a lot easier. It’s that I’m having anti-cravings. Food “aversions” is a better way to put it. I know I am hungry but I constantly feel like I just got off a carnival ride and I can’t possibly put anything in my stomach when I’m feeling like I might lose my lunch. So I wait and the longer I wait the sicker I feel. My brain knows that eating is the only thing that will make this feeling go away but I’m developing an eating disorder just trying to decide WHAT to eat.

Eating is such a drag these days. I always used to wonder what it could possibly be like for those poor people who want to gain weight and just can’t. I always thought if that happened to me I would just drink milk shakes all day and eat cheese cake and french fries and all the things I don’t let myself have. Well now I’m getting a better idea. It must just feel like this. Not that I’m having trouble gaining weight, I’m not… it’s just that eating has become a royal pain in the… stomach. Nothing tastes like it is supposed to taste. And NOTHING appeals to me.

First thing in the morning I open the refrigerator and scan every item from raw broccoli to last night’s dinner. I’ve long gotten over the weirdness of eating dinner for breakfast or breakfast for lunch. A slice of cheddar cheese, some yogurt, fruit… I have no good feelings about anything. Even my old stand by of a spoon full of peanut butter with chocolate sauce squeezed on top of it doesn’t appeal. There is something desperately wrong with me. And the worst part is, sometimes when I do find something that does appeal (like my favorite Chinese rubbery chicken salad), after I eat it I sometimes STILL feel sick. It’s like the Russian Roulette of eating! It’s started to consume my days. Toby asks me how I’m feeling and I have to restrain myself from giving him a play by play of all the things I’ve thought about eating that day but didn’t. I do nothing all day but think about what I’m going to eat or not eat next.

It is all very wearisome. When I do finally think of something that sounds sort of appetizing you can understand why I might drive all the way across town to get it. At this point I might even drive across a state if I could think of something in Arizona that might taste good. And of course now that I look at that picture up there of my “favorite” salad, I’m starting to think I’m not so fond of it anymore either!

In other news, some people asked for an update from my first doctor’s appointment. I do have some news:

1. My chance of having twins is good. Not because the doctor could feel anything or because my stomach is sticking out prematurely but only because I was a twin (my twin died before we were born) and my Grandpa’s mother was a twin and he had two twin brothers or sisters or something like that. So that’s kind of exciting to think about. Maybe I won’t have to go through this pregnancy thing more than once and I’ll get a two for one deal.

2. I was exposed to Fifths disease and there’s a 1 percent chance that I might have an anemic baby and have to have in-vitro blood transfusions. Of course that was fun to worry about. It’s next to impossible I’ll have any problems but the doctor ordered fifty million blood tests and two urine tests and I had to go to the lab and that was like getting your blood taken in a clinic in a third world country. But I’m sure I’ll blog about that another day. It’s all very entertaining.

3. Next visit I get to hear the heart beat!!!! THE HEART BEAT!!! I think it will be really real when I hear the heart beat. Toby’s even said he’ll go with me. I’m very excited about that.

My Lurker, Sarah

My Lurker, Sarah

I met my first lurker today. She lives four blocks over! How about that!!! I’ve actually met a reader who lives in my town. I always used to day dream that this might happen someday. But I figured my town is kinda small and the world wide internet is pretty big so the chances were slim. So when she emailed me it kinda creeped me out, in a good way.

And you know what, my lurker is awesome! She isn’t creepy at all! If I could order a friend out of a catalogue, I’d order Sarah. In fact she’s so perfect with her perfect house and her perfect husband, I’m wondering if she secretly eats bath tub caulking or something. We went on a walk today and found out that we have five trillion things in common! And she lives four blocks away! I have to pinch myself. I’ve always wanted a friend who only lives four blocks away. Just think of the barbecues we could have and the lemonade we could sip. She has the perfect back yard with perfect chairs for lounging too. I am in like Flynn!

The only catch is I have to make sure she never comes to my house. She’s allergic to cats and her husband is a neat freak (in the admirable I wish I was you sort of way). If they get one glimpse of my carpet they’ll probably both fall over dead. Even the red light Post Paris Party trick probably won’t work. Her place was so perfect, it was right out of a magazine. I can’t wait for Toby to meet them, he’s probably going to break out the lighting equipment and start photographing them right on the spot. The cool art on the wall, the geometric patterns, the retro furniture, the apple laptops… I’m not sure what I like best, Sarah or her house! Sarah’s husband is an artist too and I can tell he and Toby are going to get along smashingly. Either that or they’ll hate each other.

I tell you, nothing but good has ever come from this blog. Some of my friends and family shake their heads and wag their fingers at me. They warn me of stalkers and all the crazy people who are out there just waiting to pounce on an innocent blogger like me, advertising every detail of my life for the whole wide world to see. But (knock on wood) NOTHING BAD HAS EVER HAPPENED because of this blog. It has been nothing but good thing after good thing.

Let me count the ways:

1. This blog saved me from going crazy with boredom when my dead end job in corporate-land was going nowhere.

2. It challenges me to look for the positive and entertaining details of life that would normally be forgotten. It’s forced me to record things in such a way that I feel like I’m really living my life. Even bad days are fun now because I know they’ll make a great story later.

3. This blog has put me in touch with long lost friends who googled my name hoping to find me long after email addresses had expired and phone numbers been disconnected.

4. The friends I meet through this blog actually have similar interests with me. They actually get me and they don’t think I’m a freak! Which is more than I can say for all the friends I made in school just because I happened to sit behind them in home room.

5. This blog has brought me work on projects that I actually enjoy. It’s furthered my career in ways that I never thought were possible.

6. This blog found me a friend in my very own home town!

If anybody out there is afraid to start blogging, let this post persuade you to cross over to the dark side. Who knows you might meet your very own personal lurker who’s just as perfect as Sarah.