The World’s Most Embarrassing Garage Sale


Getting Ready for the Big Day

I’m so tired I don’t even think I’ll be able to finish this post and I still have to make my grand garage sale signs. I think I’m going to change the name of our garage sale from “the worlds largest garage sale” to “the world’s most embarrassing garage sale”. That oughtta drive in the traffic.

Seriously though, the sheer quantity of junk that has been stored at my parents house is very embarrassing! My mom has kept every unwanted thing since 1977 AND she has never said no to anyone dropping off their unwanted junk either (who me?). Not only do we have clothes so retro they are back in style again, we also have “vintage” too because she’s been given things from people who saved things from the 50’s! If it wasn’t all so old and musty and dusty and gross, I could make a killing on ebay.

That’s all I did all day today: unpack dusty old boxes that were rotted out on the bottom. When I blow my nose, brown snot comes out. I’m a human filter of dust. Even after my second shower, I feel like I need to be dipped in Shea Butter to get rid of the gritty dirty feeling. Apparently the shed my mom keeps the garage sale junk in leaks and the moisture ruined whatever was near the floor. Books, old knitted sweaters, clothes from my childhood… So many things that had so much potential but now are in a trash heap as big as my mom’s mobile home. Sometimes you just gotta let go.

And boy, are we letting go. I wish we were on that Clean Sweep show! All day long I was thinking, this would make such great tv. Thankfully I didn’t have too many arguments with my mom over getting rid of things. She did squirrel away a few of my old marker pens when I wasn’t looking. She has a weakness for office supplies. You should see her desk… but I digress.

Most of the junk is unpacked and I think we are finally ready for our big day tomorrow and Saturday. It was a perfect garage sale day today, too bad nobody shops garage sales on Thursdays. The sun was bright, the sky was blue, the orange blossoms are in bloom. It was a beautiful day to be outside… huffing mold spores, cobwebs and dust from three years running. We even had some fresh lemons that we could have squeezed into lemonade and sat sipping in the shade of my mom’s arbor…but we didn’t because we were way too busy unpacking dusty boxes. Maybe tomorrow. IF tomorrow turns out to be as nice as today.

It looks like it might rain tomorrow. Isn’t that just my luck? They say there is a 10 percent chance of rain and it did start getting windy and cold at about 6 tonight. I think I’m more worried about my cool poster board signs getting spotted with rain and wilting than I am about our garage sale getting rained out. I have such great plans for my signs. I think making garage sale signs is the best part.

There’s No Place Like Home

There’s No Place Like Home

My dad is trying to download a new version of Real Player and his under water themed desktop is making under water bubbling sounds. While I’m attempting to type this post, I’m listening to him get frustrated (which is a crack up because he doesn’t swear), a commercial from Real Player AND the bubbling of some under the sea desktop creature. Now, he’s sighing big sighs and calling himself “a dummy” because his pc froze up. Something about his start button not working. (See, this is why I have an apple.)

My mom is nearby with her nose in a romance novel. Every once in a while she stops reading to yell at my Dad. The strong scent of pineapple assults me from the folds of the heavy drapes behind me. There is one of those puff machines hiding on the window sill, it’s supposed to mask the scent of cat urine. My mom says the smell is lemon but everything is pineapple to me these days.

Outside I can hear dogs barking at someone walking down the street. Maybe a some kid walking down to the drug dealer at then end of the block. When the dogs stop barking, I hear the waterfall of fish water from their 45 gallon fish tank in the living room that needs filling up. The four cats of the house are perched on various piles of laundry, boxes that need to be shipped back, bags of garage sale clothing and the futon that I will be sleeping on later. (If I can find a clear spot on the carpet to spread it out on.)

It’s always good to be back. It makes me appreciate my own home more.