Asian Persuasion

I have a nursing chair. It’s actually the old sad chair with a sheet over it. We were going to recover it but that ended up being 800 bucks and I opted to spend my well-earned money on the bugaboo stroller instead. Then I ordered a slip cover online. That was a big mistake. When they say “fits all size wingback chairs”, they lie. The slip cover was a nice color but it looked awful. It looked worse than the sheet that looks pretty bad. I sent it back. It was sloppy and hung loosely over parts that didn’t exist. I hate mail order stuff sometimes.

My “nursing chair” happens to be positioned right next to a sliding glass door that opens out onto our patio. The same patio that is the entry way to our house. Imagine me sitting there, boob exposed, gazing off into the distance, perhaps watching some birds fly by and then the UPS man shows up! Hello! Exposed Boob! UPS man! Aaaack! Quick grab whatever you can grab to cover yourself and the adorable sputtering baby!!!

So that left me with a conundrum. When I’m not the one-handed-nursing-bandit multi-tasking at the computer, I like to sit in my nursing chair and enjoy the view out the sliding glass door. Sometimes I even open the door and let the breeze keep Baby Bug awake (as she has a habit of falling asleep mid feeding and cold air sometimes brings her back from the dead). BUT this doesn’t work when unexpected visitors come up the stairs. I had to think of something. Curtains wouldn’t work because the sliding glass door is the only window in Baby Bug’s room. I NEED light. Without natural light, I will shrivel up and die. I thought and I thought and I thought until I came up with a brilliant solution!

Rice paper!

I can make my sliding glass door like a shoji screen! It lets the light in, keeps the spying eyes out and it’s pretty and zenish! I love shoji screens! I hopped online and ordered some rice paper from this fantabulous website (so much better than the stupid art store that never has anything in stock that I’m looking for) and four days later, Viola! I have rice paper on my sliding glass door.

It’s not perfect. Toby hasn’t said whether he likes it or not, which usually means he doesn’t. And I admit it looks a little hokey pokey from the outside looking in, but it works. It works fabulously. The UPS guy sees nothing but paper! While I can sit close to it and look right through. I love gazing through it. Everything looks pretty through soft rice paper flower holes. It makes me feel calm and peaceful and Baby Bug loves it too. She stares at it constantly, pulling my nipple sideways painfully in the process.

Maybe you’re wondering what all those other pictures in the slideshow have to do with my nursing chair and the rice papered sliding glass door. Well, it’s this: I have a lot of Asian inspired things! I seem to collect them without meaning to. I never even really realized it until today. Though my mom would probably tell you otherwise because I’m always itching to go to Chinatown to buy my nieces silk pajamas. I cannot wait to get Baby Bug some. She’ll be so cute!

I must have been Chinese in another life. I do love orange special chicken!

Art Attack

Art Attack

Of all shows to take my mother-in-law to, did I have to take her to the local art museum on the day of the punk ass skater porn show? It’s not like she can’t handle a little nakedness and art. She’s very cosmopolitan. But the penises and the sucking and the crotch shots? Was that really very wise on my part? Maybe I should have done a little research before I planned this outing.

I’m sure I was much more embarrassed than she was. She did date Jack Nicholson after all. It’s not like she hasn’t worn a topless bathing suit in her lifetime. It’s just that lately she’s been saying things about how the music nowadays is crap and that the kids wear the stupidest styles. I can only imagine what she was thinking as we gazed at a collage of Hustler clippings, while the sounds of shredding skateboards molested our ears from a video installation next to us.

On another note, the picture above of the naked woman was actually drawn by my six year old niece. She could totally get into the punk ass skater porn show.